Always
by knicnort3
Summary: Bella's life was in shambles until she took a chance and rediscovered a love that refused to die...AU, B/E, HEA. This story has a fantastic twist that most don't see coming. If you're looking for a "realistic" story, this aint it, but there are absolutely NO VAMPIRES!
1. Chapter 1

Always

Description: Bella's life was in shambles until she took a chance and rediscovered a love that refused to die.

BPOV, E/B, AU, AH-meaning no vampires, Drama, Slight Angst, HEA, Banner on my profile!

A/N: I was watching one of my favorite chick flicks the other night, and this story suddenly flooded my mind. I'm not going to say which movie inspired it because its a surprising twist, but if you want a spoiler you can read through the reviews and figure it out.

*Planning on short chapters with frequent updates. When a chapter is finished, I'll post – could be once a week, could be twice in a day.

Disclaimer – I own nothing!

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Chapter 1

I hated Forks. Everything about the place was depressing, and as I drove the familiar streets I began to wonder what the hell I was doing back. The small town was full of small minded people with small worthless dreams, and somehow in the ten years it had been since I was there last, my life had broken apart piece by miserable piece until there was nothing left except crumbles that could only fit in that horrible shoebox of a town. I simply had nowhere else to go…

"Oh, there she is!" my mother squealed when I walked up to the house. "Welcome home, baby."

_Welcome home?_ I had never actually been to that particular house before, and because of my mother's love of travel, she had thankfully always come to Arizona to visit me. Forks wasn't my home anymore, and never would be again; I was just there to take a necessary breath, and then I'd turn the page and move on to the next my next chapter of life. At least, that was my plan.

"Wow, the house is…nice," I said as politely has I was capable of.

"Isn't it? We've been working really hard on restoring it. You should have seen it last year when we first bought it, it was horrible."

"_We?_ Oh, you mean you and your husband…" _Shit, what the hell was his name again? _

"Phil," she said slowly.

"Yeah, Phil. Of course," I said lightly so she'd think I was joking about forgetting him. I only met the man twice, and on the rare occasion that I did think about either of them it was usually _'Mom and Husband Number Six'_…or was it seven now? It was hard to keep track of.

If I had taken each of my mother's married names, my full name would have been Isabella Marie Swan -Jensen, Cullen, Tate, Welch, and finally Dwyer…and I only remembered her current last name because of the money gram I recently sent her…which I now discovered was for home repairs. What I wouldn't give for that ten grand back right about then; I certainly wouldn't be staying with my mother if I had that kind of money still.

Most of Renee's marriages occurred during my first eighteen years of life, thus I was forced to endure her constant breakups and breakdowns, and I swore after husband number three that I'd never expose myself to the same kind of misery.

But there I was… back in Forks… running from my mother's mistakes, and somehow ending up just hiding in her shadow.

"So…tell me what happened with you and… What was his name again?" she asked as we settled in on the couch with some terrible cups of spiked coffee.

"Michel," I told her bitterly due to her forgetfulness of my ex's name - _we were way more alike than I cared to admit. _

"Michel, that's right. I really liked him…Tell mommy what happened?" she cooed like someone talking to a baby.

"There's really nothing to tell. We just grew apart," I told her, not wanting to pathetically cry over another lost boyfriend the way she had always done. Besides, I refused to allow the destruction of my latest relationship be the biggest problem in my life.

And my life really was terrible at the moment_…_

_After investing every penny I could into trying to save the bookstore slash café that I owned, I ended up having to close anyway and couldn't afford my apartment anymore. And when I finally accepted that I needed to move, Michel picked that evening to propose – as if the day couldn't possible have gotten worse. _

"_This is actually a good thing. You can move in with me and we'll start a new beginning together," he had told me over dinner. He then did the most horrifying thing I could possibly imagine - he stood in front of me before kneeling down and pulling out a ring. _

"_Oh god," I gasped. _

_He misconstrued my words as a good thing and smiled. "Isabella Swan, will you…."_

"_Please don't do this to me," I whispered, making him pause._

"_Huh?"_

"_It has been some of the worst few weeks of my life, so why are you proposing?" I asked quietly in a rush. "Besides, you know better than anyone that I don't ever want to get married. I told you over and over again, and you were always fine by that. You said you never wanted to get married either, so why are you doing this to me now?"_

"_Come on, Bella. I'm thirty years old; I don't want to be single forever. What about having a family?"_

"_We talked about all of this," I said getting frustrated. "I made my feelings perfectly clear."_

"_Yeah, and I felt like that then too, but we've been together two years now, you can't tell me your feelings haven't changed just a little? We're good together, and I think we're ready to take the next step in our relationship."_

_I stared at him for a minute and honestly tried to picture myself marrying him. He was right, we were good together. We never fought, we liked the same things, and we were friends with all the same people. I was happy with him, so happy in fact that I didn't want anything to change._

"_I'm sorry Mike, I can't get married," I said slowly. "Let's just stay the way we are….Get your money back from that ring and forget any of this ever happened."_

_He took a deep breath. "Well, I'm afraid I just can't do that… I love you, but I do want a family one day and that's not something I'm willing to ignore. Perhaps we've reached an impasse and should go our separate ways before we waste any more time on a relationship that will never go anywhere."_

"_Fine," I said, refusing to show any emotions, hell I refused to feel any emotions. The worst part of my breakup was the fact that it was just one more aspect of my once comfortable life that had fallen apart. We shared all our friends, so the last thing I wanted was to move in with one of them and have to constantly hear how sad it is and how we were the perfect couple. So with no means of income, no boyfriend, and no friends to lean on during my time of financial crises, I headed back to the only family member I had left. My mother. _

…

God, I hated living with my mom. At twenty eight years old I had somehow become a pathetic loser with no better prospects in life than working as a waitress at the local diner. I didn't plan on getting a job at all while in town, but after being there for more than three weeks without having any other ideas, I decided doing anything was better than the nothing I had quickly gotten used to.

"Bella, I need you to take this delivery to the hospital," my boss said one afternoon.

"Since when does the diner have delivery or even take-out?" I asked confused.

"Since Dr. Cullen called in an order," he replied sternly.

_Shit._

I had assumed 'Husband Number Three' was still in town, but I was hopelessly hoping to not have to run into him.

"Is there a problem, Miss Swan?" my boss asked after a moment.

"Of course not," I almost whined as I took the plastic bag full of food out of his hand.

As I drove to the hospital to bring my ex-stepfather his lunch, my mind was unwelcomingly flooded by memories of my short time living with the Cullens…thoughts of my pseudo brother were especially loud: tree houses and midnight hikes, sleepovers and skinned knees, secrets and broken promises.

Edward and I were forced together at a crucial age where childhood began morphing into adolescence, and strange bodily changes became innocent experiments that at times went much too far. It was a period in my life where I was the most confused and still foolishly believed some relationships could last forever - _God, I couldn't have been more naive._

When I pulled into the hospital parking lot, I could actually feel my anxiety rise knowing it was possible that I might run into Edward again after so long. The last I heard he was studying to become a doctor like his dad, I only hoped he decided on a different path or chose to work in a different town…at the very least I prayed he was off that day.

"My goodness, is that little Bella Swan?" Carlisle said with a warm smile when he came out to collect his food from me.

"Hi Carlisle," I replied with a returning grin before accepting his awkward embrace.

"It's been a long time," he said while holding me at arm's length. "I don't think I've seen you since your high school graduation."

"Yeah, I left town that summer…and haven't been back since."

"Wow, has it really been ten years?" he mused.

I nodded. "It's good to see you, but I should really get back to work," I lied. I probably could have gotten away with being gone for the next hour or so since it was around my lunch hour, but I definitely wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"You're working at the diner now? That's wonderful, I'll be sure to stop by and say hello."

I forced out a fake smile. "Great." _Just please don't bring your son-_ I added mentally.

"Well, I'll let you go then," he said with a grin, and then unexpectedly grabbed me into another uncharacteristic hug. Carlisle was one of the least affectionate men I had ever met, so to have him hug me twice in such a short amount of time was definitely odd.

"Okay…yeah…see ya."

And then it happened. I pushed the elevator button and when the doors opened, Edward Cullen was standing inside…looking even more irritatingly gorgeous than I remembered.

_Fuck._

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*****A/N: If you've read my other stuff you know I like my rollercoasters, so don't follow this hoping for a straight forward easy romance, but there will definitely be an HEA. I don't plan on it being a long story, but until it's complete I can't be sure. Anyone with me? **


	2. Chapter 2

***A/N: Thanks so much to all my regular readers for your continued support, and thank you to any new readers as well. I hope you enjoy the ride!

** Just a little clarification - I was inspired by a chick flick, but that's not to say the plot is going to follow it completely (i.e. the movie did not have the main character crushing on her one time stepbrother) There is really only one major point that I got from the movie and that point won't even make it into the story until later, so I doubt anyone can figure it out just yet.

*Spoiler Alert – It's not "Sweet Home Alabama" as many guessed, but I do love that movie and to be honest there is a tiny connection. Just a suggestion though, it's probably best to let the story unfold and not try to figure it all out. It's just better that way, and because this is a short story, it'll all come out sooner rather than later

Thanks again,  
~KC

* * *

Chapter 2

My heart started racing from being in such close proximity to him again, which only pissed me off. Why the hell did my body have to betray me like that? I couldn't stand Edward Cullen, and the last thing I wanted was for him to have the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to me, so I needed a way to extinguish the sudden rush of heat that was currently devouring my face, or at the very least, find a way to conceal it.

But it was too late. He glanced at me and I all I could do was brace myself for what was sure to be an onslaught of jokes and juvenile teasing; Edward wasn't capable of anything less.

And then he did something completely shocking…he smiled at me _politely_, and then looked away and stood there silently as we waited for the elevator to complete it's descend.

I probably should have just followed his lead and ignored him, but because I was an idiot I couldn't just let it go and keep my mouth shut…

"So you're not going to say anything to me?" I asked with way more attitude than I intended. _Ugh, I hated that Edward always brought out the worse in me._

And then he acted like an even bigger jerk by looking behind him to make sure there was no one else in that tiny space that I could have possibly been talking to. "Are you speaking to me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Unbelievable," I mumbled under my breath. If Edward was going to play stupid, then I certainly wasn't going to lower myself any further by continuing to speak. There were a million reasons we didn't keep in touch, and his _'convenient memory loss'_ was just one of them. It definitely wasn't the first time Edward pretended to not know who I was; he spent our entire freshman year of high school acting like we were strangers. I cared then…but I refused to care now.

When the doors finally opened I stormed out and headed right for the exit, but it seemed Edward wasn't done having his fun with me just yet.

"Hold on!" he called as he chased after me. "Look, I'm sorry. I realize that was really rude of me. I recognize you, but…I've um… _met_ a lot of people, so it's hard for me to remember everyone's names… Julie, was it? No, Monica! _Shit._ I really feel like a douche right now."

I almost wanted to laugh; the pompous prick actually thought I was one of his latest one night stands. As if I'd ever make that mistake…_again_. "Wow, you really don't know who I am, do you?"

"Sorry… But I feel horrible about it," he said with an apologetic smile that was far too adorable to be fair. Why the hell did all the most beautiful men usually have to be jerks? It had to be one of life's cruelest injustices.

"Well…It's not a big deal. Just forget about it," I said quickly before trying to escape his presence.

But of course he refused to let it go, and at some point while he was following me to the parking lot, he figured it out. "Holy shit, Bella! I really am a moron…. Come on, just wait up a minute."

I seriously considered pretending to not hear him and just retreat to my car, but then I remembered one very important detail - I wasn't a kid anymore. I didn't have to hide from Edward Cullen just because things didn't go well between us the last time we were together. I could be an adult about everything and speak to him as such. We had a long history. We were once part of a family, and to ignore that and only focus on the couple of bad times would be terribly immature and downright pathetic of me. I was better than that…at least, I needed to think that I was.

So I tentatively turned towards him again with a forced smile. When our eyes met, his grin widened and his entire face softened making him look more like that thirteen year old boy he was when we were the closest. "It is you…and you're all grown up."

I scowled at him. I tried not to, but I just couldn't help it. "We're the same age."

"Oh, I know…It's just…you know," he said oddly, and then he began rambling. "But you look good. You've changed…I mean, not too much, you still look like you, but just an older you. I can't believe I didn't recognize you right away. My mind's just been a little jumbled lately with how busy everything's been, and I haven't seen you in what…five years or something?"

"Ten, actually."

"Has it really been ten years?" he mused.

I nodded. "I haven't been in Washington since I first left after _graduation_," I reluctantly reminded him while cringing at the thought. Everything about graduation had been horrible, and I was fairly certain he could remember why.

"Oh, that's right," he mumbled. "I actually just spoke to your mom not long ago; I think she mentioned something about how she always goes to Arizona to visit you."

"She likes to travel," I replied.

I was grateful he seemed to be letting the conversation roll over the more undesirable topic, but I should have known the uncomfortable awkwardness wasn't over just yet. "So, how have you been? Renee said you're engaged…or about to be, or something?"

I laughed once to mask my embarrassment. "Uh-_no_. My mother just wishes I was as good at relationships as she is." I had never even told her about Mike proposing, she must have just assumed it was coming and blabbed about it to anyone who would listen. It was more than humiliating, and I began to wonder what other kind of infuriating untruths and elaborations Renee had spread about me around town. "I'm actually unattached at the moment," I told him, though I wasn't exactly sure why I had to share that bit of personal information.

"Sorry to hear that…Or is it a good thing?" Edward asked unexpectedly.

I thought about it for a moment. "It's definitely a good thing."

"Well…good for you then," he said slowly. "So what brings you back to Forks after so long?" he then asked as we made our way towards the parking lot.

"I just needed a change of scenery," I replied vaguely with a shrug, and then quickly tried to change the subject again. "But I'm not surprised to see _you_ still here. You were always on the fast track to becoming a doctor like your dad… Though, it doesn't look like that's what happened."

Only then did I notice that he was wearing an EMT uniform…and he looked absolutely incredible in it. _Shit!_

"Yeah, I'm a paramedic," he told me sheepishly. "I went to med school, but after a couple of years I realized that being stuck in a hospital practically every day for the rest of my life wasn't what I wanted. Besides, I always liked to drive fast, and I get to use a siren," he joked like a little kid, and I found myself relaxing into a sincere smile.

After what seemed like an incredibly long walk, we finally reached the sanctuary of my car, and strangely enough I suddenly didn't feel the relief I was expecting; instead there was a phantom feeling of regret. As much as I didn't want to admit it, the short conversation had actually been somewhat pleasant and I was grateful. Perhaps that small town full of painfully large memories wouldn't be so horrific after all. "Well, it was nice running into you."

"Yeah… Are you going to be in town for a while?" he asked. "We should meet up."

I definitely did not want to 'meet up' with Edward…_or did I?_ I wasn't really sure at the moment. Even though talking to him again was much less painful than I had anticipated, that didn't mean I was ready for a renewed friendship of any kind. "Um, I don't know how long I'll be in town and my schedule is pretty jam packed, so I doubt I'll really have time."

He smirked. "Yeah, I could see how working at the diner could be time consuming."

"Wha…What makes you think I work there?" I said, unsure if I should laugh or be offended.

He raised his brows and then looked at my shirt suggestively, so I followed his line of sight and glanced down only to notice the '_Waylon's Diner'_ T-shirt I had on. _Crap._ "I just bought this…for nostalgia purposes," I lied like the moron I was.

"Right," he said with a laugh.

"Okay, yes I work there…but not for long. As soon as I figure out my next step I'm taking it."

"Well then I guess if I want to chit-chat before you find your next step I'll just have to stop by soon for some artery clogging food."

"It's not that bad," I said defensively.

"Every item on that menu is death on a plate," he argued.

"If that was true the hospital chief of staff wouldn't be ordering delivery."

He cocked is head slightly. "That's strange. Carlisle usually only eats shit like that when he's really stressed. The board meeting must have gone poorly," he said, mostly to himself.

"You know, I should probably get back," I said while opening my car door and ungracefully plopping down in the driver's seat, banging my head hard on the door frame as I went.

"Whoa, you okay?" he asked concerned as he kneeled besides me to get a better assessment of my fresh injury. "Here, look in my eyes so I can see your pupils," he said, immediately morphing into paramedic mode. I did as he instructed, but he was so close that I could feel his breath on my lips, and as I looked into his endlessly deep emeralds, my stomach ached and my chest tightened…and I knew I had to escape before I lost all my unstable composure.

"I'm fine," I told him while pushing his hand away. "I really need to get back to work." I didn't give him time to protest; I just waited for him to move out of the way, and then I shut my door and left as quickly as possible.

I was a complete and utter coward, and denying it anymore after that was pointless.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I tried to forget about the impromptu meeting with my one time inappropriately behaved stepbrother, but it was hard to get him out of my mind. He was so infuriating, but at the same time I was suddenly consumed by him again after more than a decade of trying to bury those feelings. It was absolutely ridiculous. I was a grown-ass woman, and obsessing about a childhood crush was beyond pathetic. It was sad really.

I did my best to keep busy, and after a couple days I was able to make it through without thinking about him, but then my boss sent me on another hospital delivery…

"Hello again, Bella," Carlisle said warmly with another uncharacteristic hug. "How are you this afternoon?"

"Um…good," I lied. And then I thought about Edward's comment on how Carlisle only ordered greasy food when he was the most stressed. "How's it going here?" I asked him concerned.

But he didn't have time to respond because suddenly "Code Blue" was announced over the loud speaker and he had to take off.

"I guess I'll just leave this with you," I said to one of the receptionists before handing Carlisle's bag of food to her.

"I'll make sure he gets it. Poor man, he's been so busy lately that he rarely gets time to feed himself," she told me.

I nodded in understanding. "Well, thank you. Have a good day."

"You too."

I pushed the elevator down button, and by coincidence the doors opened to reveal Edward Cullen standing inside, just like the last time. _Shit._

"Fancy meeting you here," he said with a disturbingly adorable crooked grin. "I thought you'd be off hopping onto your next step by now."

"It's only been a few days," I said defensively as the elevator began to descend.

"Still, with someone as ambitious as you, I can only imagine how frustrating being stuck working at a diner would be."

"And who said I was ambitious?" I asked, slightly amused but more annoyed by the tone of the conversation.

"Oh please, you were always ambitious; I half expected you to one day become a senator or something."

"Right." _Did I just snort? _"Well, sorry to disappoint you."

"On the contrary, I think I prefer you much more as a lowly diner subordinate."

"And there he is!" I practically shouted.

"Who?" he asked, suddenly becoming confused by my outburst.

"Edward the Prick Cullen. After our last encounter I almost started to wonder where you disappeared to," I told him just before the elevator doors opened and I was able to exit.

"Oh come on, Bella, I was just joking," he said apologetically as he chased after me.

"Funny," I said flatly as I continued to walk towards my car.

"Look, I didn't mean to offend you, I really was just teasing. I'm sorry." When I still didn't pause he reached out and grabbed my arm to pull me to a stop. "Don't run off again," he said, taking me aback.

"Don't run off _again?_" I asked incredulously, knowing exactly what he meant by that. "Uh, if I remember it correctly, you were pretty happy to have me leave before."

"No, I never expected you to leave and just be…_gone_. Bella, I was a fucking idiot, I admit that, and you'll never know how many times I picked up the phone intending to call you and apologize and beg you to come back…but I just chickened out. I was a fucking coward back then, and I really am sorry."

"Don't give yourself so much credit, I didn't leave because of you," I semi-lied. "I left because I hate this town. People here have nothing better to do then talk shit about others and then turn around and kiss their asses the next day. It's all ridiculous. Besides, I hate the rain; always hated it, and places like Arizona are mostly sunny." Weather was a pitiful excuse, but it was the best I could come up with on the fly.

"Okay… if you didn't run away because of me, then why are you avoiding me?"

I scrunched my face. "Avoiding you? I haven't seen you since we ran into each other here a few days ago, but that doesn't mean I'm avoiding you. I've been working."

"I went by the diner and you weren't there," he argued.

"Then I wasn't there," I said with a shrug. "How is that avoiding you?"

"Well you're obviously not happy to see me now, and it really seems you're trying to get away as fast as possible."

"I'm working! What part of that don't you understand? You're working too, are you not?" I asked, gesturing to his EMT uniform. "I don't have time to hang around and force small talk with you."

"I'm on break…don't you have a break coming up? Let's go have lunch."

"I don't want to have lunch with you."

"Why not?"

"Why would I? We're not friends - we didn't even get along anymore before I left. Besides, I'm not in town to socialize with anyone. I'm just here…"

"To figure out your next step; yeah, I heard you the last time," he said bitterly.

"Why do you care what I do?" I asked heatedly.

"I don't…I just…I just want to spend some time with you."

"Why?" I asked baffled.

He hesitated for a moment as he considered how to answer my simple question, and then he sighed. "Because I miss you," he said, taking me aback. I raised my brow at him skeptically, so he huffed. "Why is that so hard for you to believe? We were really close once…and then I went and fucked it all up. It was one of the worse mistakes I ever made, and I've wished I could take it back every day since then."

"Well, it's fine. I'm fine. Just move on, I have."

"Moving on is exactly what I'm trying to do here. Over the years I've realized just how important family is, so now I want nothing more than to spend some time with you. Get to know you again. Maybe find a way to fix all the shit I created in the past."

"We are not family," I said slowly, unsure how else to respond to his seemingly raw and earnest speech. "You didn't even recognize me the other day."

"That was only because of how busy I was at that time; I just got off a really bad emergency call, my mind was in a million places. I hadn't seen you in forever, and I had no reason to even think there was a chance of you being in Forks right then. But I swear, I've thought about you a lot in the past decade, and I am truly happy you're here."

"Good, let's just leave it at that - _Hey, nice to see you after so long, have a good life and maybe we'll run into each other in another ten years or so_," I said with faux casualness before continuing to my car.

Edward finally conceded and let me leave, but I was painfully certain that wouldn't be the end of our unwelcomed reunions while I was in town, and it wasn't long before my premonition came true. A few days later, after dropping off yet another delivery to Carlisle, the elevator doors opened again to reveal none other than Edward Cullen.

"This isn't funny anymore," I deadpanned.

His pompous smirk turned into full out laughing, and as much as I tried to control it, an irritating smile broke through my lips.

"See, fate wants you to forgive me," he said through his hilarity.

"This isn't fate, it's more like a bad remake of '_Groundhog's Day'_," I said mockingly.

"I loved that movie," he joked. "But remember how it ended? He eventually got the girl."

"Well, I'm not a girl for you to get," I replied haughtily. "Don't your usual 'girls' have tramp-stamps and carry STDs?"

"Only the classy ones."

I rolled my eyes but otherwise refused to respond. Like the two times before, I tried to escape to my car as quickly as possible, but this time things were definitely different…

"What are you doing?" I asked frustrated. At some point as I was getting inside and fiddling with my keys, he slyly slipped into the passenger side. He even put on his seatbelt before I had time to protest.

"I'm taking you to lunch," he stated.

"Uh…the fact that you're in my car would imply that I would be taking _you_ to lunch."

"Okay, I accept," he said smugly. "Where are we going?"

I huffed. "I have no idea."

"Well why'd you invite me to lunch if you didn't have any kind of plan?" he teased.

"UGH! You are so exasperating."

"Yeah, but you're definitely a little less pissed at me than you were before, right?"

I honestly thought about it for a minute. "Maybe fractionally."

He smiled widely. "It's a start."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I figured the best way to get Edward to leave me alone would be to just bite the bullet and have lunch with him. I didn't understand his persistence on the matter, but I didn't really care at the same time. All I wanted to do was to figure out whatever the hell I was going to do next, and then leave that godforsaken town and never look back. Soon enough Edward would be nothing more than dirt in my rearview mirror again, and I could go back to forgetting him. I just needed to get through the afternoon, and then like before, he'd get bored and move on to his next conquest.

"So… A couple years of med school and then ultimately deciding to become an EMT…what else have you been up to…you know, besides bar hopping and one night stands?" I asked him as casually as possible at lunch. We were eating at a little café in the next town over, simply because I refused to eat at the diner and there wasn't really anything else in Forks besides pizza parlors and fast food.

"Actually the bars around here don't typically allow hopping, that's more your arena" he joked. When I didn't laugh at his stupid remark he sighed. "Oh, come on, lighten up a bit."

"I was just trying to make small talk," I said defensively.

"No, you were _forcing_ small talk. Just let it happen naturally."

"When has anything between us ever been _'natural'_?" I asked condescendingly.

"On the contrary, our relationship started out very natural and innocent."

"Innocent?" I said with a laugh. "Ignorant maybe, but what we used to do together wasn't innocent."

"Says who?" he challenged.

"Uh...how about _society_. Most people frown upon prepubescent fondling with one's sibling."

"We are not, and never have been, siblings," he argued. "We were just…helpless passengers on our parent's momentary ride into legally bound cohabitation."

"Is that what that was?" I said, amused despite myself.

"It was. Perhaps the only reason they were ever married at all was to bring us closer together so _we_ could end up together one day," he said shamelessly.

My mouth fell slack, but I quickly closed it and chose not to respond any further to his comment. I was positive he only said it for shock value or to get a rise out of me, and I refused to play into his games. The idea of us being anything more than friends was beyond ridiculous, and as it was, even the title of 'friends' was stretching it.

"How's Carlisle been?" I asked, redirecting the conversation back to a safer topic.

Edward looked at me disapprovingly, but must have decided going along with it was easier. "He's doing great actually."

"So what was going on the other day when you mentioned how stressed he was?" I questioned.

"Work related stuff, but I don't think I've ever seen him happier in his personal life."

"Did he ever remarry?"

"Yeah, and Esme is perfect for him; I'm fairly certain they're in it for the long haul. She's got a couple of grown kids around our age - Emmett and Alice, both of which are way too intrusive in my life," he said with a smirk. "But it's nice to have siblings; I always hated being an only child."

I nodded. "I used to feel that way…but then you came into my life and I realized being an only child was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"We weren't siblings Bella, not really anyway, and if you honestly think that's how siblings act together then it's no wonder you have relationship issues."

"I do not have relationship issues," I said offended.

"No?"

"No."

"Then why are you single?"

"What? … What does my lack of a boyfriend have to do with anything? Maybe I'm not with anyone because I'm fresh off a breakup and haven't found the right person yet."

"Or maybe it's because you're terrified of becoming like your mom…or maybe you just know that you'll never feel as close to anyone as you did to me…or maybe it's a little of both."

"Or maybe you have no idea what you're talking about," I said bitterly. After ten years apart, he had the audacity to pretend like he knew me? What's worse was that he was probably right, and that pissed me off more than anything. "You're single too, why don't you psycho-analyze yourself. Why don't you have a girlfriend, Edward?"

"I was waiting for you," he said straight-faced.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't be a moron."

"I'm not."

"This is just a waste of time," I said with a huff before starting to get up to leave.

But of course he refused to let me go. "Okay look, can we just call a truce?" he asked with a heart-stopping grin. _God, I hated how beautiful he was_. "No more bickering."

"Fine, then stop antagonizing me."

"Done," he said quickly. "Let's talk about you…in a calm and respectful way."

"There's nothing to talk about. I had my own business, but now I don't and I'm here working at the diner. My friends are all mutual friends of my ex's so I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks, and I honestly don't intend to in the future either. My life sucks at the moment."

He nodded absently. "So let's go make it better."

I didn't have time to respond because he immediately grabbed my hand and pulled me right out of the café. "Where are we going?" I asked in a rush. "I'm supposed to be getting back to work."

"Nope. You're going nowhere there, it's time to get hopping."

He towed me to the passenger side of my car and opened the door, but I refused to get in. "I'm not letting you drive my rental," I told him stubbornly.

"You're lucky I just called that truce, otherwise I would be arguing with you right now," he said lightly before pulling me around the car to the driver's side and opening the door for me.

"Where are we going?" I whined as I got in.

He ran back around to the passenger side before climbing in and then replying – "Seattle."

"Seattle?" I asked incredulously. "That's like three hours away."

"That's okay; I want to show you something there. We'll get a hotel for the night, and head back in the morning."

"A hotel?" _Lord, help me_. "What about work?"

"I told you, it's time to move on."

"What about _your _work?"

"Eh…I'll text my partner and tell him I'm not coming back today; I already have tomorrow off anyway."

"We can't just drive to the city. We don't have a change of clothes, or anything to sleep in…"

"Gah, you are so freaking prudish!" he shouted unexpectedly. "What happened to that girl who decided to ride her bike all the way to the coast on a whim; the one who convinced me to help her free all the grocery store lobsters so they wouldn't end up someone's dinner?"

"I thought you weren't going to fight with me anymore?"

"I'm not fighting, it's just… you were always the one who was up for adventures. I just wish we could find that girl again."

"Well, I'm not a 'girl' anymore," I said bitterly.

"But you could still be spontaneous. Come on…I _dare_ you," he said with raised brows and a mischievous grin.

Ugh, how the hell was I supposed to back down from a dare? He knew that was my weakness; the jerk wasn't fighting fair. Damn him. _And damn his irresistible grins!_

"Do you want to get changed first at least?" I asked while gesturing to his uniform.

He smiled triumphantly. "Nah, I'll just wing it," he said while pulling off his button down to reveal the perfectly fitted white T he had on underneath. "See, problem solved. Now, let's go."

"Fine." I put the car into drive and headed towards the freeway. I couldn't believe I was actually going along with his harebrained idea of impulsively ditching my current job to find something else…_something else not far from Forks, none the less_. He was right of course, the diner monotony wasn't for me, but I certainly didn't want my next step to be so close geographically. Maybe California or even north to Canada, but the last place I wanted to end up was Washington so going on that little trip was pointless… But somehow, someway, I found myself driving to Seattle anyway, and even enjoying Edward's company far more than I cared to admit. _What the hell was the man doing to me? _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I didn't understand what was happening, but after a couple hours of being confined in a small car with Edward Cullen, somehow I started feeling and acting like I was thirteen again.

"Quit playing games with my heart…with my heart… with my heart!" I shouted, shrieking the lyrics to one of my favorite Backstreet Boys songs from my adolescence. "I should have known from the start…"

I knew Edward was laughing at me, but I really didn't care. _Was I drunk?_ Perhaps he slipped something in my drink at lunch. Then again, I highly doubted he'd let me drive if that were the case.

"Sometimes I wish I could…turn back time," I continued. "Impossible as it may seem."

I was about to sing the next line, but then Edward cut me off… and he did it at the top of his lungs – "Baby, Baby, the love that we had was so strong; don't leave me hanging here forever!"

So we ended up making it a duet and sang the rest of the song together- "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na-babe…Quit playing games with my heart!"

"You know, that's a perfect song for you," I told him jokingly after we completed our final chorus. "You and your games."

"My games?" He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "You, my friend, are the queen of games."

"How so? I've been honest this entire time."

"Oh come on, we both know you want me just as much as I want you. You're just making me work for it…Which I respect," he said lightly.

I laughed. I couldn't help myself. "Your stalker behavior doesn't mean you're working for it, it just means you're annoying."

"I guess that's a matter of opinion," he said with a smirk.

When we finally made it to the city he gave me directions to whatever he wanted to show me…and when we got there I was absolutely taken aback. "What's this?"

"It's a possibility," he said theatrically. "Let's get out and have a closer look."

Even in its decrepit state, the old classic bookstore with the huge 'For Sale' sign was beautiful and reminded me so much of the beloved one I lost in Arizona…but it was still a bookstore which was an endangered species of sorts. "It's no wonder it's closed, bookstores are rarely successful anymore since most people do all their shopping and reading electronically."

"Nah, this one didn't close because of the lack of business, it closed because the owner passed away last summer. Bookstores may be a dying breed, but here, in a big rainy city like this, nothing beats an evening with a good book by a fireplace."

"That's what E-readers are for," I said robotically. "And you can buy those at Target."

"No way, there are a ton of people that prefer the feel of real books…the smell of them. I know I do."

"But it didn't work before," I said in denial.

"That's because you tried to do it in Phoenix near the college, right? It's all about location. The people here are different; there's a ton of families who would love a place to bring their kids to stroll through the aisles and pick stuff out."

"Uh…I don't do children's books."

"Well there's your problem right there. How many parents would want to curl up with their kids at bedtime and read them a story from an E-reader? None. _Well, maybe a few, but we won't worry about them_… Kids want to touch the books and turn the pages. They want to look at the pictures and peek ahead at what's to come. There's a need for something like this, and I'm telling you, the line to get in will be wrapped around the block. Can't you just picture it?" he asked excitedly while holding his arms out towards the lonely building. "Add in a few fresh muffins and coffee; this place will be hopping…get it, _hopping_."

"Yes, I get it," I said surprisingly sincere. And I did get it. He had painted such a clear picture for me that it was impossible to not get…and it was beautiful. "Maybe someday," I said wistfully.

"Fuck someday. Why not now?"

"I just put everything I had into my last bookstore, and now there's nothing left."

"What about getting some investors. I bet Carlisle would love to be a silent partner. And I don't have much to put into it, but…"

"No…I couldn't ask you or Carlisle to do that."

"But what if I want to?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know, I still haven't figured out your ulterior motive. You are one tough case to crack."

"I have no ulterior motive. I'm an open book…pun intended," he said with a chuckle.

"I just don't get it. When have you had time to plan all of this?"

"All of what?"

"This," I said gesturing towards the building. "I mean, did you honestly just think of showing me this place while we were at lunch? Because it just seems too perfect."

"I know you don't believe me, but I have thought about you a lot. I really didn't expect you to come back to Forks, and I wondered if we'd even see each other again, but there have always been things…places… that reminded me of you, and this was one of them. You always talked about owning your own bookstore, and I'm sorry the first one didn't work out for you, but I think there are certain things in life that just need a second chance to get it right," he said slowly, making it absolutely clear that there was a double meaning to his words.

I nodded, though I wasn't exactly sure what I was agreeing with. The intense way he was looking at me made my stomach do flips, and I knew I was teetering on the edge in serious danger of falling. I just didn't understand him, and my confusion only added to my hesitation. One minute he didn't recognize me and thought I was one of his casual hookups, and the next he was spewing speeches about how he never stopped caring and he was single because he was _waiting for me_. Something was just…off.

* * *

*****A/N:** Many times when I near the end of a story I get a little writer's block, as is the case with my "Revolution", so I've been trying to give my brain time to unscramble itself by writing this story, therefore the chapters will be coming out quickly until I can find a way to switch my brain back to vamp mode. I'm probably posting faster than you can read, so no biggie if you fall behind a bit, I still love reviews even if they're for previous chapters ;)

Thanks for reading, and to anyone waiting for the update from "Revolution" please know that I am trying. I have it all planned out, I just need to get the words and timing right without making it sound too forced.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Since it was still early enough and the weather was decent, we decided to leave the car for a bit and just walk around the city. It wasn't long before we were giggling like a couple of school girls for no particular reason, and we were definitely on the receiving end of several odd looks from passer-byers, not that we really cared. One man even stopped to ask if we were okay…

"Everything is fine, sir, we're just on a holiday from the loony-bin," I joked, though we were acting a bit crazy. But it felt good to not have to worry about anything for a while; no false pretenses, and no drama. We were taking a break from all that crap, and just trying to be…_us_.

When it started getting late and the damp evening turned into a heavy drizzle, we decided it was time to find a place to stay.

"Shit!" Edward shouted suddenly.

"What?" I asked concerned.

"I think I forgot my cell and my wallet at the café after lunch."

"Oh...That sucks. Here, call them," I said while handing him my phone.

"Thanks." He looked up the number on the internet and then dialed it, but there was no answer. "That's weird, isn't it?"

I shrugged. "The diner was often too busy to answer phones too, just leave a message."

"There isn't a voicemail."

"Well…do you want to head back?"

He looked at his watch. "They'll probably be closed by the time we get there… But now I don't have any money for dinner or the hotel," he said sheepishly.

"Oh I get it, you're a hustler," I teased.

"It seems that I am. But I swear, I'll pay you back first thing in the morning."

"Okay…let's just hope I have a credit card left that's not completely maxed out," I joked. He actually seemed to feel really guilty about it, so I couldn't help messing with him a bit. "But let's go somewhere cheap, otherwise I may have to turn tricks to pay for it."

"Seriously, we can just head home. It's only three hours."

"I don't want to drive that far right now."

"I can drive."

"Not a chance. Besides, you don't have your wallet so I doubt you have your license. Don't forget, my dad was a cop before he died, and I always obey the law," I said playfully.

We went to the closest Best Western, which wasn't cheap, but luckily I was a club member and was able to get the room for a great price…though it was only _one_ room; I honestly couldn't afford two.

"Will you be staying _alone_ this evening, Ma'am?" the lobby receptionist asked unexpectedly. Edward was standing a few feet back and I could see how it may seem like we weren't together, but the man's words took me off guard. It was like he was my conscience, screaming at what an idiot I was for going to the hotel with Edward in the first place.

"Um…no," I said reluctantly, gesturing behind me so he understood that I was with someone.

"Mm-hmm," the man said rudely.

I already knew what was going to happen in that hotel room; perhaps I knew the moment I agreed to go to the city, but to have a stranger pass judgment on me like that was infuriating and almost pissed me off enough to make me take my business elsewhere, but for whatever reason, suddenly I felt confident. It didn't matter what would or wouldn't happen that night; Edward and I were both single adults, and there was nothing wrong with doing consensual adult things.

"So…do you want to go out for dinner, or order in?" I asked casually as I bounced restlessly on the lone queen sized bed.

"Let's order in," Edward said with a smirk. "We could raid the mini bar too."He immediately opened the little cabinet door and pulled out a couple tiny bottles.

"What is this?" I asked after he handed me one.

"Alcohol…who cares what kind," he said with a laugh.

"If you think I'm just going to get wasted here with you…you're right," I said lightly before opening the top and taking a swig of the vodka…and then I downed the entire bottle.

"Wow….okay then. You know, we never have been drunk together, it could be fun."

"Or dangerous," I said before letting out a loud burp.

He stared at me in shock for a moment, and then he started cracking up. "Definitely dangerous."

"See, I told you," I said annoyed with my disgusting accident, but I wasn't embarrassed; he had seen a lot more unflattering things from me in the past.

"Well at least it didn't come out of the other end. Nobody's farts are worse than yours…especially after pizza."

"Hey, I'm offended by that," I joked.

"But it's true."

"Still."

Edward offered me another drink, but I decided to pass. Getting completely wasted suddenly didn't seem like the best idea anymore, and Edward agreed, but he did finish his drink…just at a slower pace as we watched a movie and ate Chinese delivery.

"Fuck Bella, why are we watching this shit?" he asked anxiously a couple hours later. The "scary" movie on TV was reaching its climax, and just like when we were kids, Edward was being a baby about the entire thing.

"Awe, are you still afraid of ghosts?" I teased him.

"Damn right I am…And I don't care who knows it."

I giggled. "Okay, come here," I relented, knowing all too well that he wanted bury his head in my lap. We had always watched scary movies like that; I loved them, he pretended not to, and we both enjoyed our close proximity as a result.

He grinned triumphantly and then leapt from the chair where he had been sitting, to the bed where I was. I knew he was probably feigning his fear simply to get closer to me, but didn't really care and I may have even liked it.

I leaned back against the headboard, and Edward buried his face into my stomach so that I could actually feel his hot breath on my skin through my shirt. I continued to pretend to watch the movie, but then I began unconsciously massaging his scalp with my fingertips, and whenever I slowed he'd growl in protest.

It wasn't long before the gentle rise and fall of his breathing was his only movement, so I almost thought he had fallen asleep, but then I felt the familiarity of his hand slowly creep into the crease between my thighs…and I responded by slightly spreading my legs to give him better access.

He ran his fingers roughly up my crotch hoping to feel my slit buried under my jeans, but then he got a little irritated. "Take these off," he practically demanded.

It might have seemed crazy, especially considering how much resistance I had been giving him, but I didn't even hesitate for a moment. We were both a little fucked up in the brain; that I'd fully admit to.

After removing my pants and repositioning myself on the bed, he immediately pushed his hand under the elastic of my underwear and began his traditional fondling. I didn't protest the action, nor did I feel awkward or uneasy about it. That was just what we did, and as strangely as it sounded, it wasn't always sexual.

…

_Our unconventional relationship had started when we were eleven. Our parents married and forced us to live together against our wills. We hated each other for about two minutes, and all it took was for us being alone during a thunderstorm to become completely joined at the hip. Our parents were rarely home so we began easily slipping into each other's rooms every night to sleep tangled together, and by the time we were both twelve, our innocent nights became curious bodily explorations. _

_Everything had always been so casual with us. There were never any feelings of embarrassment or shame – at least not back then. In a way, intimate touching was almost a comfort; a security blanket; something we'd resort to any time we had a bad day, or a good day, or just wanted some kind of physical closeness. We were just two lonely kids who didn't understand boundaries and found solace and companionship in each other. There was no definite line where one ended, and the other began. We grew so intricately together that we had almost morphed into the same person, so discovering the others body didn't seem any more wrong than any adolescent discovering their own around that age. _

_Our secret relationship lasted until the summer before our freshman year when our parents divorced. We had gone through puberty together, shared every thought and never withheld any feelings or urges, but then one day it was all just…over. _

_We were forced apart; separated by bitter exes who couldn't stand the thought of the other even to let their kids stay connected. During that summer we had to find other ways of coping, ways that didn't include each other, and when we started school in the fall, we were like strangers. It had been only a couple short months, but they had been emotionally traumatic and perhaps he handled it by becoming someone else completely. _

_Freshman year he wouldn't even acknowledge that he knew me, sophomore year he'd occasionally give me a half wave when we passed each other in the halls, and junior and senior years we were able to have short strained conversations, but only when in group settings. It was absolutely devastating to lose the one person that mattered; the only person I was ever able to truly be myself with. But the strangest aspect of the entire thing was that we never talked about it. Even the couple rare times we found ourselves alone, it was like our past never happened. _

_But then out of nowhere, when high school reached its conclusion and all the grad parties were going full force throughout the night, we just happened to run into one another…and somehow we ended up in a private bedroom, doing a whole hell of a lot more than just touching. _

_Our relationship had never been romantic; we had touched every inch of each other's bodies but it never went beyond that- we never even kissed each other before that night…But when we ended up having sex at that party, I was stupid enough to believe things were going to change between us. I should have known better, because before that party was even over, Edward was already messing around with his supposed ex-girlfriend. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he just used me for sex, but it hit me hard and was a level of pain I hadn't experienced before. I thought he was different. I thought we were different. I thought that once we got past all the idiocies of high school we'd find a way to be close again, but I couldn't have been more wrong._

…

Thoughts of our history flooded my mind, but I refused to allow the old feelings that usually accompanied them overtake me again. I was a stupid kid back then who didn't understand the concept of meaningless flings, but as an adult I could certainly find a way to keep emotions out of it. It had been far too long since I last got off, so I was definitely going to enjoy the very Edwardly way he was touching me, and if it led to a good casual screw, I was more than okay with that as well.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It only took about two seconds of his caresses to get me to want in on the action, so I pushed his hand away and told him to "Get naked."

He didn't hesitate; he just immediately began stripping.

As I pulled my own shirt over my head, I couldn't help but momentarily gawk at his perfect body. He had changed since the last time I saw him nude; his shoulders were broader, his muscles defined, and there were manly patches of hair which definitely weren't there as a teen. God, he was beautiful, and I was fairly certain I'd always be bitter about it.

When we were both fully unclothed, we got back on the bed and cuddled under the covers for a few moments, and then the fondling resumed. I loved relearning the plains of his chest and discovering just how much he had changed. I used to know every inch of him by heart, I still remembered with pristine clarity the way his youthful skin felt under my palms, but now he was different; still just as perfect, but there was enough of a change to make it feel exciting and new.

I began stroking him as he went knuckles deep inside me, but unlike when we were younger, neither of us was satisfied by the touching.

"Edward, just fuck me," I asked desperately.

He took a heavy breath. "No," he said softly, shocking the hell out of me. I thought he was joking at first, but when he didn't move his position I realized he was serious and became more than a little confused.

"Why not?" _When did a guy like Edward ever turn down sex from anyone?_

"Because the only time we ever did that, you ran away for ten years afterwards…. I don't want to lose you again," he murmured, making me even more shocked.

What the hell was going on with him? It was just…strange. His words, his actions, even coming from a head-case like we both were, it still didn't make much sense. Was he really trying to keep me around? It was hard to believe anything he said after what happened in high school; Edward was a chronic player, and I doubted he was even capable of changing that much.

"You don't have me now," I told him slowly, wanting to make myself perfectly clear. "I'm just in Washington until I figure out my next step….This," I gestured between us, "this is just a casual…thing."

He huffed and then scooted away from me just enough so that he could easily look me in the face. "I thought," he huffed again. "I thought you were considering the bookstore here?"

I shrugged. "It's a lovely idea, and I really do appreciate you showing it to me, but…I can't stay in Washington."

"Because of the weather?" he asked incredulously.

"Well that's one of the reasons."

"Fuck Bella, don't do this!" he said exasperated while sitting up and swinging his legs over so they were hanging off the bed.

I scrunched my face. "Don't do what?" I asked while following his lead and sitting up. I tucked the sheet under my arms so that my chest was covered, _not that there was anything he hadn't seen_, and then I waited for him to explain.

"Don't do _that_. Look, I get you're still pissed at me for what happened after graduation, but…it's just a waste. Your stubbornness is going to make us miss out on the lives we're supposed to be having together, and eventually you're going to realize that… I only hope it won't be too late."

"Too late? Jeeze, what the hell are you even talking about?" I said frustrated. "Just last week we were living completely separate lives, and now you're telling me that were supposed to be together? What happened to all your one night stands? Janice and Monica, or whoever you thought I was when we first saw each other in that elevator."

"I already told you this, but I honestly have absolutely no idea why I didn't recognize you. And not that it's much better, but I thought you were one of my _old _hookups. Bella, I haven't had a one night stand in years. Hell, I haven't had sex in almost a year."

"Why?" I asked shocked by his admission.

"Things just…. My life has taken a few unexpected turns lately, and…I just don't want that shit anymore. Ever since I saw you again I've thought about you none stop, and I know in every fiber of my being that you are exactly what I need."

"You don't even know me anymore," I argued.

"Then let me get to know you again…but I'm telling you, it's not going to change anything. Some of your likes and dislikes may have altered a bit in the time we've been apart, but I know you…and you're what I want."

My heart started racing and my chest tightened, but for whatever reason I felt my head slowly shake back and forth. It didn't matter what my heart was feeling, my brain was in control for once and it was saying no.

"Look, I fucked up…a lot, and I've regretted it every single minute since then," he continued to plead his case. "I was stupid; I thought being with a bunch of different people was what we were supposed to do. And I hurt you…I know I did, but I can't fix it if you don't give me another chance. These past ten years…I have been waiting for you…even if I didn't know it…But I've always been waiting for you, because deep down I knew that you were more than just my past…you're my future."

I stared at him blankly for a moment. "Wow… that was really cheesy."

And then we both busted out laughing hysterically. We laughed so hard that I worried our neighbors would call hotel security on us, but it did feel really good to laugh, especially during that intense moment.

When our laughing finally ended, he sighed and suddenly got serious again. "It was cheesy, but still absolutely true."

I had no idea how to respond to that. How would anyone respond to the beautiful man who they loved most of their life saying something like that? I was at a loss.

And as if he could read my mind, he said – "You don't have to say anything. I've just realized that I'm not being completely fair to you. There are things about my life which you might not be okay with, so all I'm asking is for a chance. Just give me a chance to show you who I am now, and then you can decide whether or not you're willing to give us a shot."

My stomach twisted. "Well, how can I say no to that?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Edward insisted that he _show_ me his life rather than just tell me about it, so we spent some time just talking about the more mundane changes we experienced in the past fourteen years.

His new favorite ice cream was mocha almond fudge whereas it used to be mint chip, he refused to eat mayo anymore, and he absolutely loathed the current set of super hero movies. I, of course, disagreed with everything; strawberry would always be the best flavor ice cream, sandwiches weren't worth eating without mayo, and the newest Batman movies were incredible. But disagreeing about such things actually made me feel closer to him in some weird way; perhaps it was just the fact that we were spending real time together after so long.

We stayed up most of the night scratching the surface of each other's lives, and it felt oddly normal. It was almost like a long first date - _a really wonderful first date that you never wanted to end and planned to talk on the phone together the moment you separated._ Of course, I couldn't imagine any first dates occurring in a hotel-room while both were naked in bed, but it was nice; comfortable and nervous excitement at the same time.

We ended up falling asleep wrapped up in each other, and woke up the next morning in the same exact position. I hadn't slept that soundly since I was living with him at the Cullen house, and I had to admit, it would take something seriously bad for me to not want to move forward with him. I could already feel it returning; that all-consuming need to be with him as much as possible. It was building and strengthening by the hour, and I wondered how I'd ever be able to move on again if it all came crashing back down.

But I was apprehensive. What could his potential game-changing secret be? He was obviously worried it would scare me away, so I tried to prepare myself for the worst: He was a drug dealer. He killed people for a living. He was a male whore - or he was one in the past and had some horrible STD. There were so many horrifying possibilities, but as I was going over them in my mind, there weren't many that would make me not want him.

I was seriously pathetic.

We got an early start in the morning, because Edward was anxious to show me whatever he needed to show me. It was a weekday so the traffic in the city was horrible, but it did give us more time together which definitely wasn't a bad thing. We held hands as I drove, and I couldn't help but smile at him every time our eyes met. But he was clearly nervous, which in turn made me nervous.

We pulled into Forks a few hours later, and he gave me directions to where I needed to go, but when he told me to park I was seriously baffled.

"Why are we here?" I asked clueless.

"All that ice cream talk last night made me want some," he explained before practically jumping out of the car. "Crap, I still don't have my wallet."

"Oh, we should go by the café and ask if they have it," I said while getting out of the car and following him through the park to the ice cream cart.

"Do you mind buying?" he asked sheepishly. "I swear, I'll pay you back."

"It's not a big deal," I said with a little giggle. "What do you want?" I asked him as we looked at what the vendor had available.

"Well, since they don't have any mocha, I'll just have chocolate," Edward said with a crooked grin.

I smiled back at him, and then turned to the man selling the ice cream. "And I'll have strawberry."

The man scoped out mine and handed it to me, but then neglected Edward's order altogether and just told me how much mine cost.

"Uh, we're together," I told him, while pointing to Edward. The man looked at him strangely, and then nodded and looked back to me. "What flavor?"

"Chocolate," I said slowly. The guy was either high on something or mentally challenged, he was probably a little of both. After handing me Edward's chocolate, I paid for them and then we hurried away, wondering if we should even eat the strange man's treat.

"He was weird, but he looked pretty harmless," Edward said while taking a big bite out of his.

"If you say so," I said before reluctantly taking a much smaller bite out of mine. "So…your big secret is that you like buying ice cream from senile old men?"

He chuckled. "No…not even close," he said vaguely before taking another bite out of his ice cream. We started walking down the street, and even though I had no idea where we were going, it was a beautiful day and it was really nice to be outdoors.

But then he stopped abruptly and tossed what was left of his ice cream away. "We're here," he said unexpectedly.

"We're where?" I asked confused as I followed his lead and threw my ice cream into the oddly placed trash can in front of us.

He pointed behind me, so I turned around and saw an elementary school playground, full of children running and playing during what I could only assume was recess.

"I don't get it," I said slowly…even though I actually probably did…and I had no idea how to fee about it.

"Bree!" he shouted through the fence.

A little girl with long dark hair turned around and looked at us, and she immediately smiled one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen…a smile that looked eerily familiar.

She hopped off the play structure she was standing on, and then ran towards us excitedly. "You're here!" she shouted excitedly. "Momma said you couldn't come, but I told her that you would."

Edward grabbed onto the fence and kneeled down to be closer to her level. "Hey munchkin," he said to her softly. "I missed you this week."

"I missed you too. Is it your weekend with me yet?"

Edward chuckled at her. "Soon. How's your mom doing?"

She shrugged. "She's been really sad…but I told her that everything is going to be okay, and she pretended to believe me."

"She pretended?" Edward asked.

"I don't think she really feels that way."

Edward reached through the fence and caressed her cheek tenderly. "Everything will be okay, Bree. I promise."

She nodded and then looked up at me with a shy smile. "Who are you?"

"Uh, sweetie, this is…"

"I know who you are!" she said enthusiastically. "You're my aunt Bella!"

"What?" Edward asked her baffled, and then shot me a quick apologetic look. "Who told you that?"

"Grandpa Carlisle. I saw her picture in his office a few weeks ago, and he said she was your sister."

Edward laughed again, though this time it was more of a way to hide his embarrassment. "No honey, Bella is not my sister. Carlisle was married to her mom for a couple of years, but she's not my sister."

"But Carlisle is married to Auntie Alice's mom now, and you call her your sister?" Bree questioned.

"Yes…but it's different," he tried convincing her.

"How?"

"It just…is."

She looked at him skeptically for a moment, and then she shrugged. "Okay." She then looked at me again. "Are you going to hang out with us this weekend?"

Edward looked up at me wearing the same shy questioning expression as Bree, so I knelt down and grabbed on to the fence as Edward was doing. "I'd like to. Would you be okay with that?" I asked her.

"As long as you don't put mayonnaise on your sandwich. I can't stand that stuff."

I giggled. "Okay, I won't." – _Who liked mayo anyway?_

The entire thing was utterly surreal. Edward had become a better man because he had to be, and despite never really wanting kids before, I instantly felt myself falling in love with that little girl.

"Bree!" one of the teachers shouted at her. "Time to come in now," she said, and that's when I noticed that most of the other kids were already gone, though I didn't remember hearing a bell or anything.

"Okay, coming!" she shouted back. "See you soon?" she asked Edward as if she wasn't sure.

"Of course," he replied with a grin before hugging her through the fence.

"Bye Bella, it was nice meeting you," she told me politely before skipping off towards her angry looking teacher.

Edward and I both stood and watched her disappear back into the school, and then he turned to me awkwardly. "See why I wanted you to wait? We sort of come as a package deal."

I nodded. "As you should," I said, still reeling from the fact that he was a father. Edward Cullen, a father, who would've thunk.

"So, what are you thinking?" he asked anxiously. "I used to know your thoughts so well, and now I just can't read you anymore and it's driving me insane."

I bit my lower lip. "I think…she's beautiful. She looks just like you."

"You think?" he said strangely.

"Yeah… You don't?"

"I don't know, I mean, maybe…I've just never really thought about it."

"So…" I grabbed his hand and we started walking back to where we left my car. "Tell me about her."

"Well, she's six….and technically she's my niece," he said, taking me aback.

"Your niece?"

"Did I ever tell you that I'm adopted?" he asked, taking me even further back.

"No." Though, it would make sense, he didn't look anything like Carlisle.

"Carlisle and his first wife Tanya tried for years to have a baby of their own, so when my biological mother came into the ER for an emergency C-section after she OD'd, they decided to adopt me."

"Well, what happened to Tanya?" I asked, not sure what it had to do with his niece, but happy to learn about where he came from regardless.

He took a deep breath. "She just…couldn't connect with me, and Carlisle was unwilling to send me back, so they went their separate ways."

"That's terrible," I said, mostly to myself. "Why didn't you ever tell me that before?"

"I didn't know. Carlisle said he wasn't trying to hide it from me, he just…never found the right time to tell me. Anyway, I was born underweight and addicted to drugs, and my mother ended up dying that night as well. What Carlisle didn't know was that she had a five year old son already in a foster home, and then last year I got the call. After the stranger on the phone informed me that I had a brother and a niece, she said that he was killed in Iraq two years prior."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I said horrified.

"Yeah, it kind of sucks that I never got to meet him. But then I was hit with it."

"What?"

"A truck load of responsibility. Bree's mother has terminal cancer…and neither her nor my brother has any family left to take care of her. So she did some research, found me, and begged me to take responsibility for her….How could I say no?"

"You couldn't," I told him softly.

"Kate, Bree's mom, she's really great. I can't imagine how hard this is on her; knowing she's not going to see her daughter grow up and she has to trust some…recovering idiot with her."

I smiled at him and rubbed his arm supportively. "You're not a recovering idiot. You just…did what so many other guys do in their teens and early twenties. It's not something to be ashamed of, it's just…part of growing up."

"Fuck, Bella, I'm scared. I have no idea how to raise a kid. I only have her every other weekend right now, and I don't even know what I'm doing then; what am I going to do when she lives with me full time?"

"You'll figure it out," I said confidently.

"I need to give her a home….But the only time I've ever felt like I even had a home…was when I was with _you_. I'm not trying to guilt you into this, I know this is a lot to take in, and I'm not asking you to commit the rest of your life to us right now…I just…I love you, so much…and I need you. I need you to give me a chance."

I must have been feeling a million things – none of which I could make any real sense of at the moment – but I did know one thing for sure. "I love you too…Always have."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Why am I not surprised you live here?" I asked amused as we walked into Edward's apartment building.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked playfully offended.

"Oh come on, this place is known to be Forks' own bachelor central."

He tried to think of an argument, but then he conceded with a nod. "Well, up until yesterday I _was_ a bachelor."

I laughed once. "You still are. We're not married, so that makes you a bachelor… But you may want to think about finding a new residence that's more kid friendly for Bree's sake."

He shrugged. "Until I have her full time, I don't see a point in moving. Besides, when it comes time, I think a fresh start would be best for the both of us…a fresh start in _Seattle_," he said with a smirk. "I already have a hookup there for an EMT job."

"Is that why you showed me that bookstore," I said knowingly. "Hoping I'd be close by when you do move."

His face suddenly set in a more serious expression. "I want to be with you…and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen."

I nodded. "Let's just take it one step at a time," I said quietly. "Now, let's see your place."

We took the elevator up to his floor and giggled by the fact that we were, once again, alone in an elevator. When we walked to his door however, he realized something. "Shit!"

"What?"

"My keys…are with my wallet and cell phone….at that café."

"We really need to go back and pick those up."

"Hold up!" he said excitedly before lifting up the welcome mat and pulling out a spare key. "I knew this would come in handy one day."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously? That is like, the most obvious place to hide a key. How have you not been robbed?"

He just laughed as a response as he put the key in the lock and opened the door. "After you."

I walked in and couldn't help but laugh again. "Wow!"

The inside of his apartment was just like the outside, extremely bachelor-ish. Old ripped furniture, pool table where the dining table should be, a dart board instead of a wall clock, and a huge flat screen that took up the entire wall.

"Yeah…" he said sheepishly, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

He began showing me around and it only got worse, but when he showed me Bree's room, something had to be said. "I don't care how long you're going to be here for; a little girl should never have to sleep in a gunmetal gray room."

"I've been meaning to paint; I've just been a little busy lately."

"Okay, well, you have her this weekend, right? We'll just all paint together…it'll be fun."

"You'd do that with me?" he asked, genuinely surprised.

"Of course. We'll take her shopping and let her pick out the color."

He nodded with a grin, and then we continued with the tour. We got to the master bedroom, and I couldn't help but jump when we were greeted by a hissing cat and a huge mess.

"Whoa, Fluffy! What did you do in here?" Edward asked the cat.

"You have a cat named Fluffy?" I asked amused. "That's manly."

"It's Bree's. I bought it for her the first time she stayed here with me. I thought she'd take it home with her but her mom's allergic. Fuck, I hate that cat," he said as he looked at the damage the beast caused.

I giggled. "Well, you weren't home last night. That's what some cats do when left alone," I told him as I bent down to pet the cat. "He's probably hungry."

"No, it has a feeder thing," Edward replied just as the cat turned and hissed at him again. "It's just psycho. Stupid fucking possessed cat."

I began helping him clean the mess, _most of which looked to be old mess that had nothing to do with the cat_, and when I went to put something in the closet, I just happened to see a box that had my name on it. "What's this?"

"Oh…that's nothing," he said quickly, immediately trying to dismiss it. "I've got a bunch of old crap. Hey, are you getting hungry?"

"No, I want to see what's in _my_ box."

"It's just…junk," he said helplessly, knowing I was going to open it anyway.

And it was junk. _My junk_. Every little trinket and handmade gift I had ever given him. A bunch of worthless crap that once held some kind of sentimental value. He had saved it all. There were also pictures of our youth together, and once his embarrassment subsided, we sat together right there in the closet and looked through them.

"So…are there other boxes in your closet from all of your other one night stands?" I joked after we saw everything there was to see.

He shook his head slowly. "Look, I know how this all may look."

"That you're a hoarder?" I teased.

But he wasn't laughing. "Not the box, I'm talking about how I've basically asked you to play house with me and my niece. It probably seems like I'm only trying to win you back because I need someone to help me with her."

"I don't think that," I said quietly, though I had to admit, the timing of it all was just a little strange.

"But that's exactly what I am doing," he said unexpectedly.

"It is?" I asked shocked.

"Yes… _in a way_. Bella, the truth is that if it wasn't for Bree, I'd probably still be screwing around and not giving two shits about anything. I just…Life was just easier that way. I didn't have to worry about anyone or feel anything. Recently I realized that I've been fucked up in the head ever since Carlisle and Renee divorced…hell, I've probably been subconsciously crazy since my addicted birth, but their divorce is what sent my inanity into overdrive."

"What do you mean?" I questioned, taken back by his intensity.

"It had been just Carlisle and me for as long as I could remember, and then you and Renee came into the picture and I felt…I don't know, _hopeful_…like there really was true happiness in the world. And then it all just…ended, and I was hit with the horrible reality that nothing lasts forever. Carlisle was so bitter, and so hurt, and I just remember thinking that I never wanted that to happen to me. So I ran away. Not physically, just emotionally. I was already so in love with you that I couldn't think straight, but I had to hide it…bury it as deep as it would go until I didn't even recognize myself anymore. Every time I saw you, those feelings would try to dig themselves back up…so I avoided you."

I nodded understandingly. I knew what it was like to hide away my emotions out of self-preservation and fear; of course, my coldness came much later in life and was probably a direct result of his coldness, _though I still refused to admit that._ "And the grad party?" I prompted, knowing that was the next part of his story; the part I was most anxious to hear.

"That…" He huffed and then walked in a circle around himself. "That was me losing my battle to stay away from you, and then freaking out by how far it went and trying to prove to myself that I wasn't still in love with you."

"So…you went and made-out with your ex-girlfriend?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah. It may sound like a copout, but it's absolutely true. I felt so…vulnerable and weak in those moments that followed making love to you – like I was about to fall hopeless at your feet and beg you to never leave me. It freaked the hell out of me and I needed to do something drastic…something that would save me from ever having to worry about losing you."

"You can't lose something you don't have," I mumbled.

"Exactly."

We just stared at each other in a heavy silent conversation, and then he sighed and continued to explain himself. "Being with different women all the time allowed me to not get attached. To not feel anything. I convinced myself that I was happy like that. But every once in a while I'd see something that reminded me of you, or remember something that we did together, and I'd just fall in this…overwhelming funk for days at a time. After the first time I saw that bookstore in Seattle, I refused to go down that street anymore because of how much it reminded me of you, and I haven't been back there again until yesterday."

"So, how did Bree change you?" I asked him.

"She forced me to stop running. I knew I was in no place emotionally to care for a kid, so I started going to therapy, and my doctor basically forced me to get my head out of my ass and really try to figure out what I needed in order to be a better person. And Bella, it's you… The moment I realized who you were in that elevator, it became so clear to me. I need you for Bree, but I need you for me more, because you make me want to be a better person."

"And you're not afraid anymore?"

"No, I'm fucking terrified. I'm so scared that it's not going to work out and I'm going to open up to you and get my heart ripped out…but it's a chance I have to take. I can't continue to walk through my life vacantly. I need to feel things again, and by allowing myself to do that, all my buried emotions have resurfaced and the strongest thing I ever felt was how much I loved you…. I loved you then, and I love you now, and if you give me one more chance, I swear to you, I will never stop and you will never have a reason to doubt it."

My breath caught, and then I felt myself melt into a puddle at his feet.

It wasn't his first seemingly sincere speech in the past week, but it was the first that left me feeling completely doubtless. He was being honest, I knew that with everything inside of me, and it might be rash, but I was ready to make that commitment.

Without hesitation, I reached for him…and never planned on letting go.

* * *

*****A/N:** Will she have to let go? Is he really being sincere, or is she going to get burned? **Spoiler Alert**- Drama ahead! Some people may not be too happy about the events in the next couple chapters, but there will definitely be an HEA (I promise there is no cheating of any kind).


	10. Chapter 10

***A/N: This is it! I'm already hiding from all your rotten tomatoes. LOL. Many of my stories have a big twist that makes me lose some fans and gain others (_Moon Scars'_ not so deadly death, _Innocent Sins'_ guilty victim, and _She Will Be Loved's_ maternity shocker). Well, this is one of those types of twists. I hope you like it and stick with me, but if not, I still appreciate your support up until this point :)

P.S. A few people have guessed it right already, so the clues have been there from the start (even the banner has clues)

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Chapter 10

I didn't want to do it. My stubbornness almost made me pass it by. But there I was, lying across Edward's bare chest after making love to him for the second time of the evening. Celine Dion's _'It's All Coming Back To Me Now'_ was playing on repeat in my head, and I was at serious risk of becoming crazy if I wasn't already. It was too much, too soon, and yet, it felt absolutely right…._and a little wrong deep down at the same time_. What the hell was going on with me?

"What's wrong?" he murmured when he heard me sigh a little louder than I intended to.

"Nothing."

"Something," he insisted.

"No…everything is perfect. I just get a little…pessimistic whenever things go so well. I got that amazing trait from my mother," I said with a laugh.

He chuckled. "We have that in common. Well, except I get mine from Carlisle. You know, they were more alike than they'd care to admit."

"I thought you said he was better now?" I questioned while absently stroking his arm.

"He is… Esme has really helped him….But the damage to my psyche has already been done," he said with another laugh.

"True."

We eventually got too tired to keep our eyes open, and the next time I opened mine, it was the following morning…and I was alone in his bed.

"Edward?" I called out to him, wondering if he was in the bathroom.

When he didn't answer me I sat up and looked around the room. Fluffy was giving me the stink eye but was otherwise fairly docile, but everything else seemed strange. It was almost like something was off; different from the night before, and I couldn't quite figure it out. It gave me the willies. My clothes were pooled on the side of the bed, so I hesitantly got dressed and then ventured out of the bedroom to look for Edward.

"Edward?" I said again, thinking I'd find him in the kitchen making coffee.

But he wasn't there…he wasn't anywhere. There was no note explaining where he had gone, the only clue I had was back in his bedroom. His EMT uniform was gone - the one he had worn for the past two days which had been tossed on the floor during our desperate fit of passion the night before.

And then I remembered what he told me about his job _– "Sometimes I get called to work in the middle of the night, and I need to get there quickly."_

I thought it was odd that he wouldn't leave a note explaining where he'd gone, but there was nothing stranger than the idea that he would put on a dirty uniform when he had three freshly clean ones hanging in his closet. And then there was the fact that he didn't have his keys, so how could he drive anywhere.

Red flags began waving around in my mind, but I shook them away and refused to think there was something dishonest going on. A friend could have picked him up for all I knew.

I waited around his apartment for over an hour, but then I decided to head home. He knew I was living with my mother, and he knew where she lived. He'd be able to find me whenever he was finished doing whatever he was doing.

Except he didn't show.

Two days passed, and he never contacted me.

I didn't understand it, and despite the fact that it seemed as though he ditched me, I refused to believe it. Why would he? If he just wanted to fuck me and leave then why didn't he do that at the hotel? I had offered. But no, he introduced me to his niece, and brought me to his apartment where he tore down my last defensive wall and made love to me. It just didn't make sense.

I decided to try to give my heart a break and distract myself for a few minutes by running into the diner to pick up my last check. I had already called to resign, but I still had pay from my last week of work. Of course, being a small town diner owner, Waylon didn't have a problem asking me to make one last delivery. "I'll pay you two bucks," he offered. "And you can keep whatever tip you make."

It would cost me almost that much in gas just to drive across town, but I really didn't mind; in fact, I almost felt like I needed to go to the hospital just to ask Carlisle about Edward.

Each of the three times I had delivered Carlisle his food, he looked so…stressed, but this time it was far worse…as if he aged ten years since the last time I saw him a few days prior.

"Hey Bella," he said with one of his familiar uncharacteristic hugs.

"Hey Carlisle, how is everything?"

He shook his head slowly, and then surprised the hell out of me by breaking down and sobbing into his hands. I didn't know what to do except rub his shoulder supportively, but internally I was freaking out. Somehow I just knew it had something to do with Edward.

"Carlisle, what happened to Edward?"

He wiped his tears and forced himself to calm down. "God, look at me. I'm the chief of staff, for crying out loud."

"It's okay. Just tell me what happened."

He sighed. "It's just been a long night. Keeping him stable has really been challenging."

_Keeping him stable_. The words shattered through my mind like a bowling ball tossed through a fine china store. "Wha...how did he get here. What happened to him?"

"You don't know?" he asked surprised. I shook my head no, so he took a deep breath to explain it to me. "Edward was working an overnight shift when he was called to an accident on the Quileute Pass. He was out tending to a patient, but the police didn't have the scene barricaded properly yet. A passing car was going too fast around the bend…the roads were wet, and the driver swerved, but…" He couldn't finish, and he didn't have to.

"Oh my god. No. He's fine, tell me he's okay!" I practically shouted at him.

"He's stable…_right now_. But it's been so touch and go."

I took a second to breathe a sigh of relief. Edward wasn't dead. Carlisle would make sure he made it through. "Where is he? What room?"

"305. Right down the hall there," he said while pointing in the direction he had come from. I didn't hesitate, I just ran straight there and was relieved again the moment I saw him. He was sleeping, but he looked _good_ – well, good considering the fact he was in a hospital bed with tubes shoved down his nose and throat; his color was decent and there were no visible lacerations.

I vaguely sensed that Carlisle had followed me.

"He's okay, right?" I asked, wondering why he was crying before.

"He had a lot of internal bleeding from the initial impact of the car pinning him between the gurney and the ambulance. Thankfully his spinal cord is fully intact, and technically speaking there's nothing that should keep him from walking again. He's had five surgeries to repair the damage to his organs, and he's healing well….I just have no idea why he's still deteriorating."

The word 'deteriorating' was terrifying, but something else Carlisle said caught my attention even more - "How could he have _five _surgeries in just two days?"

"Two days? Bella, his accident was over three_ weeks_ ago."

My heart jumped, and then there were several beats of nothingness before I felt my head slowly shake back and forth. "No. I just saw him."

"I know this is hard," Carlisle started cooing, but I wasn't about to listen to that shit.

"No! I just saw him. Literally. Two days ago!"

He sighed. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"No. Don't say that. Something is going on here."

"What do you mean?"

"I just saw Edward two days ago. He introduced me to Bree; I spent the night in his apartment!"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, that's just not possible. He's been here for three weeks. He's never woken up, _and I'm not sure he ever will_," he said while getting choked up again. "He keeps going into cardiac arrest. Two nights ago was the worse one yet, and his brain activity hasn't spiked since….I just don't understand it. This is my job. To fix people. And I can't even fix my own son. What the hell kind of doctor am I?"

"Doctor Cullen?" a nurse said softly from the doorway. "I'm sorry, but you're needed in Labor and Delivery."

He nodded and then squeezed my arm tenderly before leaving me alone with Edward's stand in. I had no idea what was happening, but the thing that made the most sense was that Edward had a lookalike and somehow they convinced everyone that they were the same person. He said he was adopted; perhaps the guy in the coma was his identical twin - _Okay, so it didn't really make any sense at all, but I couldn't think of anything else._

I took a step closer to him, and tried to see some sort of clue as to who the person in Edward's place really was…but he just looked like _Edward_. Beautiful, perfect, sleeping Edward.

Suddenly there was a strange beep on the monitor, and I felt the presence of someone else enter the room. I figured it was a nurse, but something made me turn around regardless, and the world immediately stopped turning….Standing there in the doorway, looking absolutely befuddled, was Edward.

"Why are we here?" he asked casually while looking around the room like he had no idea anything was happening.

"Edward?" I said slowly, unsure if it was really him or not. I wasn't sure about anything at that point.

"Yeah… What's going on?"

I looked at him and tried to make sense of it. He was wearing his same EMT uniform…except it was different. It was ripped and torn, almost as if he was in an _accident_.

"Oh my god," I whispered to myself. Had the rips been there all along? How could I have not noticed?

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked while moving towards me. When I took a numbing step back, he paused. "Why are we here?" he asked again. "Are you bringing Carlisle lunch? Please tell me you didn't take that stupid job back."

I shook my head slowly as a deadening haze devoured my entire body.

"Is it Bree's mom?" he asked concerned.

"No…It's you," I told him, unsure how I even moved my mouth to speak.

"Me?" He looked past me at the person in the bed, and then he raised his brows in shock. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I," I admitted, feeling like I was seconds away from losing it completely. _Maybe I already lost it; I wasn't quite sure._

We stared at each other for a torturously long moment, and then a nurse came in abruptly…walking right through Edward and making his image dissolve like a cloud of smoke.

I just stood there completely flabbergasted. _What the hell was happening?_

* * *

*****A/N: Yep, this is me hiding from your tomatoes.**

I got inspired for this story from the chick flick _'Just Like Heaven_' (remember I said there was a '_Sweet Home Alabama'_ connection, i.e. Reese Witherspoon). The ghost/coma thing is really the only part that's similar to the movie, but it was still my inspiration :)

Once again, sorry if you're disappointed. I hope you continue to read through the end, but I understand completely if you don't. Thanks so much either way 3


	11. Chapter 11

***A/N: Wow, no hate mail! That's a first for me after a twist. Thanks so much!

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Chapter 11

I didn't know what to do. I was bewildered and petrified; unable to move a muscle. I just stood there blankly, frozen in an abyss of mystification and surreal vertigo.

Somewhere outside my stupefied haze, I was aware of the fact that the nurse took Edward's vitals and then quietly left the room. Carlisle returned shortly after, though it could have been hours and I wouldn't have noticed. He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, which pulled me back to reality just enough to hear him speak.

"Bella…I'm so sorry. I would have told you about Edward the first time you brought me my lunch, but I thought you knew."

"How would I know?" I asked absently.

"Well, it's been in the paper. Forks is a small town. I can't even count how many bouquets he's received from people we hardly know. Most of which I just end up sending to the retirement home…. Renee has been in here a few times visiting him."

"She has?" I asked surprised. _Why the hell wouldn't my mother tell me? _Of course, I had been avoiding her like the plague, and whenever we were home at the same time I would hide out in my bedroom like a sullen teenager. She probably just figured I already knew as well. How could I have missed it?

"She was pretty upset when she was here. I'm really sorry, I just assumed…"

I held up my hand to stop him. "It's not your fault. I just…I can't believe this."

"Bella, for obvious reasons I've been here practically 'round the clock, but I'd really like you to come to my house for dinner tomorrow night. Meet my wife and her kids. I've wanted to introduce you to them for a long time now. We can discuss Edward's accident more…" I must have made a face because he quickly added - "or we don't have to talk about the accident at all. I would just really like to catch up with you. I hate that we've lost touch." I didn't feel myself nod, but he smiled and told me "Okay, see you then. Five o'clock." And then he turned and exited the room.

I stood there and watched the doorway for a moment, but then I turned to look at Edward's unconscious form, and once again the monitor beeped unexpectedly and I knew I wasn't alone…or I was alone, I wasn't sure.

I didn't turn to look at him, but I could sense him step closer until his was standing just behind me. I could have sworn I even felt his warmth, and then… "God, that sucks!" Edward groaned as he looked over his own lifeless body lying in front of us.

My breathing sped and deepened, and then I squeezed my eyes shut trying to get ahold of reality. I tried to remember the prayer I learned during Renee's brief marriage to Husband Number Two, the Southern Baptist, but I forgot most of it and hadn't been to church since their divorce. Crap.

But I didn't really believe it was a religious matter anyway. I was just hallucinating. I had suspected my fall from sanity for a while now, and this was just proof. I was delusional. Either I imagined every encounter I had with Edward since my return to Forks, or I was currently stuck in a nightmare. I could only be so lucky if it were the latter.

"Bella, say something to me," he pleaded. His voice was strained and desperate, and I couldn't help but wonder why I was imagining him that way.

I tried to ignore him. I bit the inside of my cheek just to keep my mouth shut. But I pushed myself further into my senile daydream by answering him anyway. "You're not real," I whispered with a single tear escaping down my cheek.

He laughed once humorlessly. "Then what the hell am I?"

"I don't know."

"And you think I do? Bella, I have no idea what the hell is going on here. I'm just as fucking shocked as you are."

"How could you _not_ know?" I asked in disbelief.

"I…I…I don't know. I guess…looking back on the past few days, it kind of makes sense."

"Makes sense? Nothing about this makes sense."

"Nothing about us ever has," he said, taking me aback. "But it doesn't make it any less real." I shook my head slowly, so he sighed. "Bella…I'm really freaked out right now," he said emotionally. "I don't…everything is so…confusing. I remember working an overnight shift….there was an accident on Quileute Pass, and I was just getting the victim onto the gurney, and then….Everything is so hazy."

"What have you been doing since then?" I asked vacantly. "That was over three weeks ago."

He ran his hand through his hair and then pulled it away from his scalp. "It doesn't seem like that long ago…. The next thing I remember after that is seeing you in the elevator. I was so…out of it. I mean, really, how could I ever forget you? But when I saw you…it was like…I started remembering things in reverse. The most recent things came back to me first, and by the time the elevator had completed it's descend I got to the memories that revolved around you. Everything suddenly became clear. Like I instantly knew I was supposed to be with you. For the first time since the last time we were together, I felt like myself…The real me…The me I was always supposed to be."

"You followed me to my car," I murmured.

"I can't explain it…I just didn't want you to leave. Like we were connected, even after all that time. As I'm standing here, I'm trying to make sense of it all - where I've been, what I did when you weren't around….but I have no idea. I just haven't been….existing when I'm not with you. I was with you in the elevator…and then I vaguely remember being at Waylon's diner looking for you….though I'm not sure how I got there, and no one would talk to me or tell me where you were. And then you were back in the elevator, and for whatever reason I somehow knew it was a different day, though I was confused about it all. It's been like…a dream, or something. Nothing has made sense, and yet, I haven't really questioned it until now. The only times anything felt…real, was when I was with you. I could remember things clearly from my life then…everything up until the accident. But now…Fuck, I don't even know what I'm talking about."

He looked and sounded so lost, and I wanted nothing more than to just wrap him in my arms and tell him everything was going to be okay, but the truth was that I couldn't make that promise. I couldn't make it because I was fairly certain I was crazy and in serious need of a psychological evaluation. _Maybe I should be committed_.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Edward and I just stood there silently for an undefinable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say or do…well, I didn't, he was imaginary therefore 'knew' nothing.

Nurses came and went, and shuffled about without ever acknowledging Edward's presences, thus further proving my insanity. He would stay out of their way for the most part, but when one of them moved unexpectedly to the exact place Edward was in, his image disappeared like a cloud of smoke, just like it did before. I could do nothing but squeeze my eyes shut tightly and pretend I didn't see anything at all. When I opened my eyes again, I watched in awe and horror as the smoke congealed back into Edward's form.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as I stood there completely dumbstruck.

I numbingly shook my head back and forth, and then I moved without giving my mind a chance to think better of it. I closed the distance between us….and then I hit him as hard as I could in the chest.

"Ouch! What the hell was that for?" he asked the moment after my hand made contact.

I just stared at him even more baffled than before….and then I proceeded to hit him over and over again. I hit him so much that my hand started hurting because of it, and with each blow he responded with an "Ow!"

"Why are you not turning into smoke?" I asked, desperately trying to make sense of it.

"Why would I?" he asked strangely.

"You don't even know that you're poof-ing, do you?"

"Poof-ing?" he asked amused. "No. What's that?"

"Every time someone is about to run into you, you poof…like a cloud of smoke. God, I really am fucking crazy," I said while letting my hand come to a rest on his chest. I could feel the fabric of his shirt and the warmth of his body underneath. I could even feel the pounding of his heart. How was that even possible? _Of course, it wasn't possible_. "I need to get out of here," I said before quickly retreating from the room.

"Bella wait, where are you going?" Edward asked as he followed closely.

"Stop talking to me, you're not real!" I snapped at him, earning several disturbed looks from the hospital staff nearby. And that's when I realized how foolish I must've looked all the other times I had spoken to him in public; the café, walking down the street in Seattle, the hotel lobby, the ice cream vender, meeting Bree… BREE!

"Bree spoke to you," I said as I got into my car to leave the hospital. Edward was in the passenger seat and even put his seatbelt on, _though I didn't notice if he opened the door to get in or not_. "Did I imagine Bree talking to you too?" I asked him. "Did I imagine Bree completely? When I mentioned her to Carlisle he didn't say anything about her."

"You didn't imagine Bree," he tried assuring me.

"Then how did she see you?"

He shrugged. "Well, she does often talk to my brother like he's still around."

"Your _dead_ brother?"

"Yeah. And her mom says she has a ton of imaginary friends…maybe they're not so imaginary."

"Or maybe that's exactly what _you _are," I argued.

"Aaaand you both imagined me at the same time? Doubt it."

"Hold on!" I shouted as an idea came to me. I slammed on the breaks and then turned the car in a different direction.

"Where are you going now?" he asked clueless.

"Your apartment," I said before pushing my foot on the gas harder.

I went immediately to the manager's office and flashed him my driver's license too quickly for him to read it. "Hi, I'm here investigating a few break-ins in the area. I need to see the surveillance video from three days ago in front of Edward Cullen's apartment."

"Uh…aint that kid dead?" the guy said heartlessly.

I swallowed hard. "No…he's in a coma."

"Oh that's right; his sister said something about that when she dropped off his rent the other day. She left without that cat of his though; someone really needs to pick that thing up."

_Fluffy!_

"I…I...have nothing to do with that, sir. I just need the video."

"Alright, alright…How come I never heard anything about any break-ins?" he asked while thumbing through the recordings.

"It's…classified," I lied horribly.

The guy was a moron, and I vaguely wondered if perhaps I was imaging him as well. I could have been currently locked in an insane asylum and imagining _everything _for all I knew.

When he found the right video, I grabbed it out of his hand and said "Thank you" before turning to leave.

"Aren't you going to review it here?" the guy called after me. I didn't even bother answering him.

I took the video straight home, and was grateful no one was there. I put it in the player and immediately pressed play_. Edward, of course, came along and sat quietly on the couch next to me_. I had to fast forward hours' worth of nothingness, and then - "Oh god," I said horrified.

I walked onto the screen…and I was alone. I stood there for a moment and looked to be talking to myself, and then the door opened and I walked in. It was all so unnerving, and I honestly felt like I was going to be sick.

"Well, it's not like you broke in," Edward said casually. "I mean, you didn't even touch the door. Obviously doors don't open on their own, which proves that I exist."

"Or it proves that I'm crazy…I'm probably imagining this video right now as well," I said on the verge of tears.

Even worse than thinking that I was insane, the realization that none of it even happened was beyond shattering. Every word we had spoken, every touch, every promise…none of it was real. I had opened my heart after being so emotionally vacant for so long, and knowing it wasn't true was excruciating. How was I supposed to move past it? How could I even have the hope of a normal life again?

Edward didn't love me. He wasn't waiting for me, and he didn't want a fresh start. He was just a pathetic and desperate delusion that I conjured up for _god only knows why_. The real Edward was currently fighting for his life, and that alone was devastating.

I was definitely going to be sick…


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I went up to my room, and just climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I wasn't even surprised to feel the bed dip as Edward laid down next to me, but when his arm wrapped tightly around my body, I couldn't keep the tears from spilling out.

God, it hurt.

I honestly thought we were going to have a life together… I should have known better. Happy endings were something that only existed in fairytales. How could I have been so stupid to believe it, even for a moment?

The room grew dark, and then light, and then dark again, all the while I did nothing but lay there. _Were my eyes open? I couldn't tell_. Every so often I'd feel Edward rubbing my arm, or kissing my hair, or even the occasional crotch rub, _which was definitely meant to be the comforting type of fondling that we had done as kids more than anything sexual_, but I tried like hell to ignore him altogether. There was nothing comforting about knowing Edward wasn't really there.

When the sun came back up, there was a light tapping on the door and I didn't even have time to respond before Renee was coming in…and my imaginary Edward vanished just as I felt her sit at my feet.

"Honey?" she whispered. "Sweetie, this isn't healthy. You've been in here for three days now."

Three days? I could have sworn it was only two.

"Carlisle called yesterday…he said you were supposed to come to his house for dinner? He was worried when you didn't show."

Carlisle's dinner. Shit. Not that I really cared. I didn't really care about anything right then.

"He said you didn't handle learning about Edward's accident very well?" she continued, trying to get me to respond, or at the very least, react.

But I didn't move.

"Baby, I'm really sorry, I had no idea you didn't know about Edward…Surely you had to have read about it or overheard something at the diner? …. Bella, can you just talk to me? I'm really starting to get worried. Perhaps I should call a psychologist."

I still didn't flinch…at least not from _her_ words. Suddenly I heard Edward's voice from somewhere in the room. "Perhaps you're right, you are crazy. You should let Renee call a psychologist. Maybe they'll have you committed and give you some kind of anti-hallucinate drug that makes you stop imagining me… Then I'll just be…nothing. I'll fade away and cease to exist. Maybe the real me will wake up and go back to my life before…maybe not."

My heart jumped.

"No mom, I'm fine," I said while forcing myself to sit up. My eyes immediately searched him out, and as crazy as it was, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him sitting at my desk in the corner of the room. It really was stupid of me, I should have held my ground and let my mother commit me; it was what I needed. But I just…couldn't.

"I can't believe you stood up my dad…What'd he ever do to you?" Edward teased.

"Oh, shut up," I mumbled.

"What was that?" Renee asked confused.

"Nothing. Mom, I'm fine. Really. I'll call Carlisle and apologize."

She smiled at me sympathetically, and then pulled me into a hug. "I'm worried about him too," she murmured while rubbing my back. "But we just have to keep believing he'll be okay."

I nodded and then forced a smile at her, before she finally had mercy on me and left me alone…well, as alone as I could be with my imaginary Edward in the room.

He got up from where he was sitting, and rejoined me on the bed. "Can I touch you?" he asked with his famous crooked smile.

I scowled at him. "No, you can't. Technically you're at the hospital in a coma."

He rolled his eyes. "_May_ I touch you?" he corrected himself.

"I'd rather you didn't," I said hopelessly. "The only thing worse than unknowingly being with someone that isn't there…" _He gently caressed his hands down my arms, and my eyes automatically closed as a response_. "…Is knowing they're not there and being with them anyway."

"I love you," he murmured before leaning his head down and kissing my neck. His breath sent chills down my spine, and I knew it couldn't continue.

"Edward…please don't do this to me," I whimpered. I was so pathetically weak when it came to him, the real him, and I refused to be weak with this made up version as well - except that I was - of course I was. I loved him in any form - even the imaginary ones.

"Bella, I need you….You have to see that."

"No…I need mental help…and the real you needs to wake up."

He sighed heavily.

"What?" I asked, and then quickly wondered why I would ask an imaginary person what was wrong with him.

"What if you're not crazy?" he asked unexpectedly.

"Of course I am," I said evenly. "The fact I'm talking to myself right now proves it."

"What if I really am…_me_? What if the reason why you're the only one who can see me is because we have this connection? Call it soul mates, or whatever, but I truly believe I'm attached to you because I've _always_ been attached to you. From the day we met…even when I was being an idiot and running from my emotions…I've always loved you."

I smiled heavy-heartedly. "That's exactly what my imaginary Edward would say."

"Fuck Bella, I'm not imaginary!" he shouted completely frustrated. "I've told you things…things you could have never known to imagine. Go to Carlisle's. Ask him about me. Ask him about things that I've told you in the past few days. We can figure all this out."

"So what are you saying…that you're a ghost?" I asked him, having no idea how or what to feel about it. "Because I've seen that movie, and I didn't care for the ending."

"I don't know what I am…I just know what I'm not. I'm not some delusion you conjured up. I exist, and I just want to try to make sense of it so I can find a way to fix it. But there's one thing that I'm damn sure of, I'm not going to just fade away. I'm staying clear of any bright lights I may come across, and I'm going to get my life back. I'm going to prove to you that _happy ever afters_ can be real."

"I wish I could believe that," I said hopelessly. "I mean, it was hard enough when you were just a recovering idiot, but now…"

He chuckled, but then quickly became serious again. "I really do love you…and I'm going to do whatever it takes to be with you."

He walked to the door and then left the room…and I just stood there baffled for a minute, not really sure where he went or why. Five minutes later my gullible heart skipped a few beats when he came back looking rather sheepish. "Um…Do you think you can give me a ride?"

"A ride where?"

"To the hospital… I'm going to go jump back into my body," he said unexpectedly.

"If you really are a ghost, then why don't you just poof there?"

"I don't know how it all works. I got to the front yard and then I started getting confused and everything became hazy. I didn't know what to do, so instead of completely forgetting everything, I decided to come back here….And surprise, surprise, the closer I got to _you_ the clearer everything became."

I huffed. "Taking you back to the hospital will just bring me further into Crazy Town."

"What if I promise to not talk to you…or at least not ask you questions that you need to answer. No one will think you're crazy, I promise… Come on, what else do you have to do right now?"

I bit my bottom lip as I considered it.

As much as I believed that I needed intense therapy, I couldn't fathom the idea of never speaking to Edward again. Never seeing his beautiful face or hearing the cadence of his voice. Suddenly it didn't matter if he was imaginary or not…I just couldn't lose him…I wasn't ready to let go.

Besides, I was already crazy, so I supposed it wouldn't make much difference if I became more so. "Okay, let's go try it."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"So…how are you going to do it?" I asked as we both just stared at Edward's lifeless body in front of us.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know…I guess I just need to...get back in." He touched his body timidly at first, and when his fingers disappeared inside his arm, he nodded once. "This is going to work."

His conviction was so strong that he almost had me believing with him…_almost._

It had to be the strangest, most surreal thing I had ever seen. Edward sat on Edward's lap, and then laid back and disappeared inside of him. The beeps on the monitor were getting louder and closer together, and my heart sped to match.

But then…

"Is it working?" Imaginary Edward asked as he lifted his head up away from Real Edward. "Shit," he said when he realized that it wasn't. "Maybe I just need to concentrate more." He laid back down for a few minutes, but then he abruptly sat up. "This isn't going to work."

_Of course it wasn't._

"I just…don't feel attached to this body…like it's not me anymore."

"Maybe because it's _not_ you," I told him evenly. "The Edward lying there has a life that neither of us knows about. Hell, he could have a girlfriend for all we know. Or he could be perfectly happy living his bachelor life. I'm not even sure if Bree is real at this point."

He nodded pensively. "Okay, time to do something."

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I'm imaginary right, you tell me what I'm about to say."

"I have no idea."

"Exactly! I'm not a figment of your imagination, because if I was, you'd know."

"I disagree. Many crazy people have no idea what's going on in their own mind."

"Whatever," he said before getting off the bed and grabbing my hand.

"Where are we going now?" I asked as he pulled me out of the room.

"Don't make me drag you, Bella, it'll look weird."

Shit, he was right. I sped my stride to match his, and tried to keep our attached hands hidden by my leg. I didn't ask him his plan again because there were people around and I didn't want any more disturbed looks, but I was beyond worried. Never trust an imaginary friend to take you anywhere…I once saw a movie called "Drop Dead Fred" which proved that.

But when we rounded the corner I got a pretty good idea of his intended destination.

"No," I said as quietly as possible while trying not to move my lips.

"It's time to prove my existence to you. The surveillance video of my apartment door opening by itself didn't do it, so I guess my family will have to."

"Why Bella, what a pleasant surprise," Carlisle said as he stepped out of his office. "How have you been; your mother said you were having a rough time."

I forced a smile. "I'm feeling a bit better now. I just," I cleared my throat, "wanted to…apologize for being a no show at you house the other day. That was really rude of me."

He smiled back warmly. "That's okay, I understand. But why don't you come tonight?"

"Uh…"

"Tell him yes!" Edward hissed at me…and then he pinched my ass unexpectedly which almost made me yelp.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"Fine," I lied. "Um…tonight would be great," I said, seriously hoping there would be some kind of natural disaster that would prevent me from going.

"Perfect. I can't wait. See you then," he said before gently giving me yet another hug, and then walking away.

"When did he become so…affectionate?" I asked Edward.

"Esme is really touchy feely…but I think he's just over-emotional because of my near death state."

I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that would do it."

So in addition to Edward's unsuccessful attempt to reattach himself to his body, now I was going to be forced to have dinner with the real Edward's family while my imaginary Edward came along to make me feel even more insane; I couldn't see how things could possibly get much worse.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"God, I can't believe I'm doing this," I said to myself as I stood outside the Cullen house door. "_Why_ am I doing this again?"

"Because I'm going to prove to you that I'm not imaginary," Edward replied evenly.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Because you're going to ask them questions about the past ten years that you would have no way of knowing, and I'm going to answer them before they have a chance to. When our answers match, you'll know I'm real." My expression must have conveyed my skepticism because then he huffed. "Look, I don't know why, but this is really important to me. I_ need_ you to believe me."

"Okay I believe you. Now can we leave?"

"Come on Bella, knock on the door," Edward encouraged me.

So I knocked. Less than a minute later, a pretty woman with twinkling eyes and chestnut hair opened the door. "Hi, you must be Bella. I'm Esme," she said while immediately pulling me into a hug.

"Um…hi….nice to meet you."

"Come on in and make yourself at home… Well, this was your home once, so just…make yourself comfortable."

"Okay…thanks," I said while following her through the foyer. It was the same house I remembered from when I was a kid…but it was entirely different. Back when Renee and I lived there, Carlisle had the place decorated very sparsely; I suppose he liked that modern sleek look. But now it was warm and almost country looking. It was a wonderful change.

"Bella, this is my son Emmett," she introduced me to the rather large brawny guy who had just walked into the room.

"So this is the famous Bella?" he said with a huge grin.

"Huh?" I asked, unsure what he meant by that.

"Yeah, just ignore Emmett," Edward whispered to me as if he was worried someone might hear him.

"Oh, and his wife Rosalie," Esme added as one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen came over to say hello.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Bella," she said to me kindly.

"Wow, Rose is being nice. That's something new," Edward mused.

"You too," I said to her, trying to ignore Edward's comment.

"Ah, you made it," Carlisle said gladly as he passed by and noticed us all convened there. He embraced me and then kissed me lightly on the cheek. "It's good to have you back here."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure if I agreed with the sentiment or not.

"Well, let's all go in the living room and relax a bit," Esme suggested. "My daughter Alice and her boyfriend should be here in a little while. I'm sure you two will get along really well."

"Um…cool."

We all went in the next room and sat down in awkward silence for a couple minutes. There was some forced small talk where I embarrassingly had to tell them about my failed bookstore, but then Edward must have gotten bored because he started in on some mischief. Emmett was talking about his job as an air conditioner repair guy, when Edward went over to him and started messing with his hair. At first he didn't seem to notice, but when Edward got a little more aggressive with pulling at his curls, Emmett actually rubbed his head as if he felt something…though, he could have just been scratching an itch for all I knew. If Edward poofed when he touched anyone besides me, then certainly he couldn't mess with Emmett…at least that's what I figured, which just further convinced me that the entire thing was nothing more than senseless insanity.

Next Carlisle began speaking about how Forks has changed in the past decade, and Edward irritatingly sat right in the middle of my line of sight to him, making the conversation rather difficult.

"He's looking you in the eye, Bella, don't look away," Edward warned with a chuckle. He was invisible to everyone in the room except me, so Carlisle could still see me through the Edward wall, but I was left blindly trying to look in Carlisle's general direction so he wouldn't think I was uninterested in what he had to say. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and I wanted nothing more than to punch Edward for his antics.

Thankfully, the tension in the room was broken when two other people walked into the house.

"Oh Alice, just in time, I was just about to take the roast out of the oven," Esme said while going over to kiss her daughter. "Hey Jazz, how are you sweetie?"

"Great, thanks," the guy I assumed was Alice's boyfriend said with a sideways grin.

"Alice, Jasper, this is Bella; Bella, this is my daughter Alice and her boyfriend Jasper," Esme introduced us before rushing off towards the kitchen.

"Hi Bella, I'm so happy you're here," Alice said before coming over to give me a hug. "Oh, you do smell good," she said strangely. I looked at her confused for a moment, so she smiled sheepishly. "Edward mentioned something about how good you smell."

"Uh…I haven't seen Edward in a decade," I said confused.

"Oh, I know," she said with wink, which only made me that much more confused. I inconspicuously looked to Edward for an explanation, but he just shrugged, though he was obviously trying to conceal a smirk.

We moved to the dining room for dinner, and Edward lurked around while we all took a seat.

"So…how is Edward today?" I asked Carlisle as everyone settled in on their own separate conversations. When I mentioned Edward, however, everyone paused to listen for the answer.

"He's still the same," Carlisle replied with a sigh. "The best I can say is that he's stable. Unfortunately he's just not improving, and I don't know why. Every once in a while he has a surge of brain activity…but most of the time there's no change."

"But his heart hasn't stopped in a few days, right?" Esme asked worriedly.

"No…Thankfully. I fear his body can't take another cardiac arrest, each time he's been harder to stabilize and he becomes weaker as a result."

"We just have to keep praying he wakes up soon," Esme said confidently.

"Ask them something about me," Edward hissed from behind me, making me jump.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Esme asked me.

"Yeah, sorry." Something made me glance at Alice, and she was looking at me with an odd expression that gave me an uneasy feeling, but I pushed it away and pretended not to notice her. "Um…so how _was_ Edward doing….You know, before his accident?" I asked reluctantly.

"Well, Edward is an excellent paramedic," Carlisle told me. "He's not a doctor like I expected him to be, but he loves what he does and that's the most anyone could hope for."

"Ask him about the trip we took last summer," Edward suggested.

I cleared my throat and tried to think of a way to broach that question.

"Been on any good trips lately?" I asked. They all gave me a _'what the fuck'_ expression from my sudden change in topic, but I honestly didn't know a better way to ask.

"Uh…well…"

"She's asking about the trip you and Edward took last summer," Alice cut in.

"We went to Brazil," Edward answered quickly.

"We went to Brazil last summer, have you ever been?" Carlisle asked me.

"See?" Edward nearly shouted. "Now how the hell would you have known to imagine that if I wasn't real?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, still refusing to accept it despite the facts staring me straight in the face.

"You don't know if you've ever been to Brazil?" Carlisle asked confused.

"No, I've never been," I said absently. I could only guess how strange I must have seemed to them, but I really didn't care either. I was stuck between believing something unbelievable, and utter denial; it was bewildering, and actually made me feel sick to my stomach. Suddenly I became light headed and my entire body felt like it was on fire.

"Bella, is everything okay?" Esme asked concerned.

"Yeah…I think I just need some fresh air," I said with a forced smile before getting up out of my chair and heading for the door. I just needed to escape; to find a quiet place to make sense of all my muddled thoughts and emotions.

"Why are you fighting this so much?" Edward asked frustrated as he followed me outside to the front porch.

"Because I'm not one of those types of people!" I shrieked. "I don't believe in ghosts or goblins or any of that other crap. I live in the real world, _or at least I did before you showed up_, and I can't allow myself to…to…"

"To have hope that something amazing could ever really happen?" he finished for me. "Bella, I get it, I've always been a more rational person as well, but…this is happening. This is real. You and me…we're real and we belong together."

"I just can't," I whispered emotionally.

And then I noticed the fact that we…or _I_ had an audience. As if I wasn't humiliated enough already, all of the Cullens were standing there watching me talk to myself. I stared at them, and they stared back; none of us knew what to say or do. I had no idea how much they heard, but it was clear they all thought I was insane…and they were absolutely right.

"Thank you for dinner, but I need to go," I told them while fighting back my tears. I turned towards my car, but at that moment another car pulled up the driveway…and out came a jubilant, bouncing little girl.

"Edward!" Bree shouted excitedly.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Bree, honey, what a surprise; we weren't expecting you this evening," Esme said awkwardly as the little girl ran towards us.

"Edward, I knew you'd be here tonight!" Bree shouted excitedly as she slammed right into my imaginary friend. Strangely enough, Edward didn't poof like he did before, he looked like he was actually hugging her.

"Hey sweetie, I've missed you," he murmured to her.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Cullen, her momma wasn't feeling well tonight, so I offered to bring her here," a woman in a nurses' uniform said after following Bree out of the car. "I tried to call on my way, but no one answered."

"No need to apologize, Carmen. Thank you for bringing her over," Carlisle told the woman before she waved and then went back to her car.

"Bree, why don't you come in and wash up, and I'll get you some dinner," Esme told her as she gently grabbed her arm and tried to lead her into the house.

"Is Edward staying? I want to be with him," Bree replied, unwilling to move.

"Bree, Edward is still at the hospital," Carlisle told her firmly.

She scowled at him like he was the crazy one.

"It's okay honey, go on inside," Edward told her quickly.

"No! Not unless you're coming too."

Everyone looked at her the same way they were looking at me, like she was crazy. I wanted to defend her and tell her that I saw Edward too, but instead I found myself slipping past them and running away like the coward that I was.

I was strangely in fight or flight mode, like as if my life was in danger and my natural self-preservation instinct had kicked on sending me away in an auto pilot to protect myself. I had no idea why I ran instead of finding the will to stay there and fight for what my heart knew was true, but then again, like my mother, I had always been a runner. Any time things got too hard, or too painful, I left. It was spineless and weak, but it was all that I knew how to be.

As I got into my car and immediately backed out of the driveway, I locked eyes with Edward, who was still standing on the porch with Bree locked around his leg. He looked devastated by my retreat, and it made my stomach twist, but I didn't stop.

I had never felt more alone than I did as I drove away from the Cullen house that evening. Edward needed me to believe him, he practically begged me to, and even with all the proof I had in front of me, I still turned my back and left him there. There was no coming back from a betrayal like that, and I knew whatever infinitely small chance we had to be together just disappeared like his cloud of smoke. Ghost Edward, Imaginary Edward, it didn't really matter; he needed someone to be there for him; he needed unconditional love, he needed someone more like Bree, and I was fairly certain he'd be following her around from then on.

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*****A/N:** Oh Bella, come on already! LOL. Next couple chapters are finished and I'll post another one later today. Thanks for sticking with me :)


	17. Chapter 17

***A/N: okay, okay, because I'm so grateful for everyone's support through my continued craziness, and the last chapter was waaay too short, I'm posting right away. If you haven't read chapter 16 yet, be sure to read that first. Thanks!

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Chapter 17

I felt numb.

Everything that was good inside of me was ripped out and then torn to pieces, and I was forced to stand there and watch it all burn to ash. But the worst part was knowing that I did it to myself. I had no one else to blame and I knew I'd spend the rest of my life wishing I could turn back time and do it all differently; although, knowing me, I probably wouldn't have changed a thing. Happy endings didn't exist, at least not for me, and it was better that he disappeared from my life right then, rather than lose him later on when I could no longer live without him. Perhaps I was already at that point, which was why I wasn't really living anymore.

I quickly returned to my state of just existing, but to keep my mother at bay, I found a way to function through my thick haze of nothingness. Waylon gave me back my job at the diner, but a few days later I got an unexpected visitor.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I stared at the man I once considered marrying.

"Well, I heard this place has awesome veggie burgers," Mike said with his dimpled grin. When I didn't respond, he sighed. "What do you think I'm doing here? I came to see you."

"Why?" I asked emotionlessly.

"Bella, come on, I miss you. We were together a long time, and I hate that I haven't spoken to you since we broke up."

"That's usually what people do when they break up, they stop speaking."

"Look, I flew here, _you know I hate flying_, and I took a really smelly three hour cab ride just to see you."

"Why didn't you just call?"

"I did, you didn't answer or return my messages."

"Why didn't you just rent a car then? It probably would have been cheaper than hiring a cab to drive you."

"You know I get flustered when driving in unfamiliar areas."

I rolled my eyes. My annoyance with him the strongest thing I felt in days, which I supposed was better than feeling nothing.

"Love Bug, what are you doing here?" he said with a sigh. "You don't belong here with these…_people_. Come home. We can start over. I won't ask you to marry me again. I promise… At least not until I really think you want me to."

I pressed my lips. "I can't go back."

"Then we won't go back…we'll move somewhere else. Of course, I'll never find as good of a dentist as I had in Phoenix, but that's okay. I just miss you. I miss us, and I want you back."

Being with Mike was the last thing I wanted, but I had to admit, the idea of returning to the life I had before Forks was tempting. Everything was so much easier then, simpler, and yes, boring, but sometimes boring was a good thing. Mike was reliable. I could trust him and never worry that he'd just disappear on me.

He must have seen my uncertainty, because then he said – "I'm not leaving here until you agree to at least have dinner with me."

I huffed. "Fine."

That evening I took Mike to Port Angeles for dinner, and before we even arrived at the restaurant, we were already falling into our old routine. We talked about his work, our friends, the latest episode of CSI, and then he gave me his wallet and keys to hold in my purse for the duration of the dinner, just like we always did whenever we went out.

We were shown to a booth, and the familiar ease of the conversation continued. It was comfortable and strangely agonizing at the same time, and as he went on to tell me about his latest fight against hemorrhoids and toenail fungus, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Where I _deserved_ to be. _Why did I ever try to fight a life with Mike?_ We were perfect for each other.

But the moment I decided to recommit myself to him, I gasped as I suddenly felt Edward's warm hand on my upper thigh…

"What's wrong, shnookums?" Mike asked me.

"Shnookums?" Edward asked appalled.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I tried to come to terms with what was happening. My sensible side was upset that I had abruptly fallen back into my delusion, but my heart fluttered and every other inch of my body had a physical reaction to his spiritual closeness. My hand moved to his, which was still resting on my upper thigh, and I honestly felt like I was breathing again for the first time in days.

"Bella?" Mike asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine," I said, snapping my eyes open and letting my brain take back over. "Do you want to get out of here? We should go," I told him quickly, praying Edward would just understand and leave me alone. He wasn't real. I couldn't let our non-relationship continue no matter how badly I ached for him.

"But we haven't had dessert yet. We always get dessert," Mike replied while looking at the menu. "Oh dear, they have carrot cake."

I hated carrot cake. "Sounds great," I lied.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing with this idiot?" Edward groaned.

"You know, maybe going back to Phoenix wouldn't be so bad after all," I told Mike.

"Really," Mike asked hopefully.

"Really?" Edward echoed in surprise.

"Yeah…there's nothing wrong with going back to what worked, right?"

"Right, that's what I was trying to tell you."

"Bella, don't… Don't do this," Edward said quietly.

"I'm sorry," I told Edward softly, but then allowed Mike to think my words were directed towards him.

"Well, it's okay. I know you were under a lot of stress over the loss of your bookstore. I'm only glad we're able to get back on track. We should celebrate. How about we get a scoop of vanilla to top the carrot cake?"

"Vanilla?" Edward whined. "Carrot cake? Gah, this guy is a total snooze. Bella, even if you don't ever want to be with me again, you have to do better than this chump."

"Ice cream would be good," I told Mike solemnly. I could feel Edward's warmth as he moved even closer to me, and all I wanted was to forget about everyone and everything and just melt into him. For a brief moment I wondered what would happen if I jumped off a bridge; would I die and be able to stay with Edward forever? But then my mother's Baptist husband came to my mind telling me I'd just end up in hell, and I knew that wasn't really an option - I wasn't sure where Edward was, but it certainly wasn't hell.

Mike continued talking about _god only knew what_, and that's when Edward's hand moved upwards towards the crease of my thigh where he began kneading and caressing, just hard enough to feel it through my pants. When he moved on to my crotch, I couldn't sit there a moment longer.

"Where are you going?" Mike asked after I pushed Edward off the booth and got up.

"Anywhere you're not," Edward told him.

"To the bathroom. I'll be right back," I said with a fake smile.

"Okay, don't be too long," Mike replied.

"I'll wait here and have a talk with Schnookums," Edward said casually. I huffed and then grabbed his hand before towing him to the ladies restroom. I didn't even care how I must have looked at that point.

"Edward, this has to stop," I told him as soon as I was sure all the bathroom stalls were empty.

"Yeah, I agree, you have to _stop_ seeing that idiot before you end up killing yourself from boredom. Is that the guy you were dating in Phoenix?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Oh come on, Bella, you didn't even like him when you were together, why the hell would you ever go back to him?" Edward asked frustrated.

"Because it's something that's real!" I cried. "Whether you're a ghost or just in my imagination, the fact remains the same, Edward Cullen is in a coma and may never wake up. What am I supposed to do if you never wake up? How can I just…live in a world where you don't exist anymore?"

Even thinking about him dying was the single more painful experience of my life, and just as the tears were about to flood out yet again, Edward rushed to me and grabbed my face gently but intensely in his hands. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, but I need you to do the same. I can't do this alone. I'm not sure how I know this, but it's so obvious to me that you're my other half, and without you, I have no hope of ever being whole again. Every moment I'm with you I feel stronger, more like myself. I don't exist without you, Bella; I don't even know how long it's been since you left my dad's house."

"I thought…I thought you'd stay with Bree," I sniveled. "I thought you needed someone to believe you."

"You're the only one I need to believe me," he whispered. He rested his head against mine and just held me for an undefinable amount of time. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. But in that time, I was able to reach into the depths of my soul and know without a doubt that I couldn't keep running. Not from Edward, not anymore.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I murmured emotionally, and then I started to get slightly hysterical. "I can't believe I just left you like that. What the hell is wrong with me? And poor Bree, she must have been so upset that no one believed her. I don't know how you could even love someone who would do that to you and leave an innocent little girl thinking she was going crazy…"

"Bree is fine," he tried assuring me as he caressed my face and wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I was able to stay with her long enough to know what happened after you left."

"What did happen?"

"Well, you have to understand, Carlisle is a man of medicine; he can't believe in something that can't be proven…But Bree has always talked to people who no one else can see, so I suppose she's used to people not believing her. She was fine, she just ate her dinner and then Alice took her upstairs to watch a video….That's the last thing I remember before somehow crashing your date… And I honestly have no idea how I got here."

I buried my face in his chest. "I'm so sorry," I whimpered again.

He kissed my head and then stroked my hair. "We've both made mistakes…and I'm sure we'll make a ton more…But we're going to keep forgiving each other, because that's what we need to do."

I nodded as more tears soaked his shirt. "I love you so much."

He squeezed me tighter. "I love you too…Now let's go out there and tell Schnookums to take a hike so we can go home."

I shook my head. "I can't…I can't go to your apartment again, I'll get arrested for trespassing."

He chuckled. "Fine, we can go to your mom's place."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Telling Mike to take a hike was easier than anticipated. By the time I got back from the bathroom, he was doing some major, uncharacteristic flirting with the waitress. It was certainly not like him, but in more ways than one I was ecstatic about it. The woman with the nametag that read "Jessica" was peppy and bubbly, and everything I wasn't, which was probably exactly what Mike needed to drag him out of his monotony funk.

We said our goodbyes, and neither of us was even remotely upset about it. Mike proceeded to immediately ask for Jessica's phone number, which she happily gave, and I took my ghostly friend back to my mother's house for the evening.

"Shit, she's home," I whined.

"You know what that means, right?" Edward asked me casually.

"What?"

"That I'm the only one who can be loud," he said playfully before rushing out of the car.

I followed him but was definitely not in a hurry. I'd rather park on the side of the road all night than bring him into my mother's house with my mother home. Why the hell did she have to be home anyway? She was rarely home.

"Please be nice to me," I begged Edward before reaching for the door handle.

"When have I not been nice?" he asked innocently.

"Mmmhmm."

I hesitantly opened the door, and just when I thought I'd be able to sneak past my mother, she caught me. "Oh good, you're home."

"Yeah, but I'm pretty beat," I told her as I tried to continue my way up the stairs.

"Hold on a minute, I really need to talk to you," she said before actually getting up out of her seat and coming to place her hand over mine on the stairs railing.

"Uh oh," Edward said unexpectedly.

"What?" I asked him concerned.

"She's got that look… That '_I have some bad news'_ look," Edward said in a rush.

"Honey…Maybe you should sit down," Renee said gently.

"I don't want to sit down," I snapped. I didn't mean to speak to her that way, but I just wasn't sure how much more bad news I could possibly take.

"Babe, breathe. Everything is going to be okay," Edward assured me while grabbing my hand as a simple reminder that he was there with me. I wasn't alone. We were together, and with him by my side I could handle almost anything.

"Just tell me what you need to tell me," I said to my mother.

"Okay…I just got off the phone with Michael."

"Michael who?" I asked clueless.

"Michael, your boyfriend," she said slowly.

"Oh, mamma is meddling," Edward chuckled.

I huffed. "Why would you talk to him?"

"Because honey, I'm worried about you. You've been acting so strange lately and I didn't know what to do, so I called him thinking he could come out here and try to get to the root of your issues. But now he said you two decided to part ways permanently."

"Wait, hold on…You called Mike and asked him to come out here?" I asked is angry disbelief. I wasn't sure why I was so upset about that little detail, I didn't care enough about Mike to be affected by his motivation for coming, but still, it irked me to no end.

"I thought your break up was contributing to your issues," she said defensively.

"Mom, if my break up was upsetting me, I would have called him myself!"

"No you wouldn't have; you've got too much of me in you. And baby, I'm so sorry I raised you like that."

"Raised me like what?"

"Like _that_. So afraid of getting your heart broken that you run at the slightest glimpse of happiness. I don't want you to waste your life anymore. Don't be afraid to love, Bella, it can truly be a beautiful thing if you just give it a chance."

"I've never liked your mom more than I do right now," Edward said with a grin. "Well, except for the whole bringing your ex here, thing."

"Oh mom…why couldn't you have had this conversation with me last week?" I said wistfully. It probably wouldn't have helped me then because I really needed to figure it out for myself, but it was painfully ironic that she chose the day I accepted love to have that talk with me. Of course, my mother was always late when it came to important discussions; she told me about menstrual cycles a year after I got my first one, and she finally explained sex to me while I was already deep into my physical discoveries with Edward. But I didn't look at it as too little too late, she tried and had good intentions, which was the most I could as for from a woman like her.

She smiled at me confused. "What happened last week?"

"Never mind," I said with a sigh. "Look, I appreciate the advice, but I'm okay, really."

"You're okay?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah…as okay as I can be at the moment." - Of course, I would have been better if my romantic relationship was with a _conscious_ Edward, but still…

"Bella…I'm glad to hear that, and you do look better than you have in a while..."

"But?" I asked, knowing there was definitely a but.

"But I talked to Carlisle a couple days ago, and he had some pretty…alarming things to say about you."

My face flooded with heat. "Like what?"

"Like your strange behavior at his house. He said you were acting erratically, and then you abruptly left the table, and when they followed you out to see if you were okay, you were talking to yourself." She leaned in to whisper to me. "Bella, he's worried you're on drugs."

Edward groaned in irritation with his father, but I got a little angry. "He thinks I'm on _drugs_? Does he think I gave those drugs to Bree too, because she was having the same exact issue I was."

"And what issue was that?" Renee asked concerned.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Edward apologized, but the last thing I wanted was him feeling guilty about his presence in my life.

"It's… Just, never mind," I told Renee. "I'm fine… Everything is fine. I swear."

"Bella…"

"Mom, please just trust me. I'm fine," I told her before heading back to the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"Yeah, where are we going?" Edward asked as he started following me.

"I'm going to go stay with a friend tonight," I told Renee. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I don't think you should go anywhere, we need to talk about this some more," she called after me as I headed out to my car.

"Just take a Valium and go to bed!" I shouted back to her. "I'll talk to you later."

"So, this _friend_?" Edward asked as I drove down the street. "Is it a certain comatose friend with an empty apartment and a pissed off cat?"

I nodded. "If I get arrested for trespassing and sent to a women's correction facility, you're coming with me," I said playfully. "I can be just like all the other inmates with imaginary boyfriends."

"You do seem to have one hell of an imagination," he joked back. "None of the other women could possibly conjure up someone better looking."

"That's for sure," I agreed wholeheartedly.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I was definitely paranoid as we walked up to Edward's apartment, but after he found the spare key under the doormat again, and we were able to lock ourselves inside, I immediately relaxed.

"So…what are we going to do now?" I asked impishly, but when Edward didn't respond, I glanced back at him and was surprised to see him looking lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?"

He took a deep cleansing breath. "Nothing. I'm just glad to be home." He grabbed a hold of my arm and yanked me into him. "And I'm grateful to have you here with me."

He planted his lips to mine, and the intensity in our connection knocked the breath out of me. I had been expecting some playful banter and perhaps a little messing around before ultimately having a very physical union with my ethereal lover, but that wasn't what happened, at least not entirely…

Our kiss deepened, and somehow we ended up naked on his bed, though I couldn't remember ever moving or even taking our clothes off. He pushed into me slowly, and even though I could physically feel him inside of me and my body reacted as such, our connection was so much deeper than anything I ever imagined possible.

Suddenly a rush of emotions came bursting through his body to mine. I could feel everything he had ever felt for me - from the innocent affections of our young beginning, the jaded longing of our years apart, and finally the bewildering present that we were still trying to navigate through. All his love, his joy, confusion, loneliness, and pain; it came radiating out of him, and I was able to soak it all in like lifesaving nourishment for my soul.

His disembodiment left no barriers and no room for pretenses, but the sentiment wasn't one sided; somehow I was certain he was able to feel all my emotions for him in return. We had sex in his apartment before when he was no more somatic than he was now, but we had come so much further spiritually since then that it was an entirely different experience. It was almost like we were in a dialogue of an unspoken language that only the two of us were fluent in. It was natural and raw, and I knew without a doubt that we'd be irrevocably altered from that moment forward.

But I was also still very much corporeal, and making love to Edward in any form was definitely going to give me a strong physical reaction. As he continued to thrust, the feeling built up inside of me, filling every crevasse of my body until there was no room for it to go but out - and out it went in an explosive climax of an unearthly magnitude.

It was cruelly ironic that the best sex I ever had was with someone who wasn't really there…

"This kind of gives new meaning to the term 'soul-_mate'_," Edward said, unexpectedly playful while he panted for air as if he needed it.

I giggled. "You know, for someone without a body, you sure are out of shape," I teased him for his breathing.

"I don't have to breathe like this…I just like to," he said with a crooked grin before lowering his head to kiss my neck. "I like to breathe you in as much as possible," he mumbled into my skin.

I knotted my hands into his hair and tried to pull him even closer_, not that it was really possible since he was flushed against me_, but I still felt like he wasn't close enough…he could never be close enough. We fell asleep wrapped up together, and when the sunlight disrupted our peace the next morning, we immediately made love without a word spoken between us. After we reached or orgasmic end, the light playful banter from the night before resumed.

"I'd love to see a video of this right now," I joked as he laid on top of me and I held him tightly. "I can't imagine how ridiculous I'd look."

He popped his head up. "Hey, I have a camera in my closet. We should record ourselves," he said excitedly.

I locked my legs around him so he couldn't get up. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you record us having sex."

"Why? A sex video of you by yourself would be pretty freaking incredible," he teased.

I unlocked my legs and then pushed him off of me so I could mount him. "Now, if the situation was reversed, and you were the one having sex by yourself, I doubt you'd like the idea of filming it."

"On the contrary, I've had sex by myself millions of times, and I wouldn't mind filming it because I'm fucking hot as hell."

I rolled my eyes at him, though he was absolutely right about him being hot as hell.

"Besides," he went on, "recording us would be for scientific purposes. I really want to see how you do _this_…" he said while caressing his hands up my legs on either side of him. "You'd have to have some killer thigh muscles to hold yourself up like this."

"Yeah, I suppose without you to sit on this would be a pretty uncomfortable position," I agreed. "But I do have great thighs, I've been working out," I joked.

"No doubt," he said while rubbing his hands up my body to my exposed breasts. "It should be a sin to cover these up."

"Well, if you don't mind total strangers seeing me topless…"

"You didn't let me finish my sentence. It should be a sin to cover these up…when we're _alone_."

I giggled. "Right."

"And I really like this," he said while trailing his hands down me until he reached the hair above my crotch, which he then gently pulled. "I hate when chicks shave it all off. I want a woman, not a little girl."

"Well, you've seen me both ways," I said with a smirk.

"I saw you when you were first growing hair…and I remember being so fucking excited about it."

"Sure you were."

"I was. It meant we weren't little kids anymore."

"But we were just kids."

"Yes, but I didn't feel like one. I was proud of both of our pubescent body hair back then, and I still am today."

"Should I not shave my armpits then?" I deadpanned. A disturbed expression crossed his features, and I busted out laughing. "We could just grow out all our hair and be a couple of hippies."

"Would we get to smoke pot and have sex in public?" he asked with faux seriousness.

"Sure."

"Okay, I'm on board. But, now that I think of it, I haven't shaved since being a ghost, and I'm not sure I could even grow out my hair in this current state."

"Oh," I said surprised from his unexpected comment.

I wasn't sure why, but suddenly I didn't feel like kidding around anymore, and apparently neither did he. We both just stilled for a silent moment of reflection, and then he sighed. "We should get you some breakfast."

"Speaking of food, where's Fluffy? We should probably feed him too," I said while looking around the room. It was odd we hadn't seen him since being back, and I was getting slightly worried. The last thing Bree needed was her cat dying on her on top of everything else.

"I don't know," Edward said as I dismounted him and we both got up from the bed to get dressed.

"Why are you putting your ripped up EMT uniform on?" I asked him when I noticed that's what he was doing.

"I don't know," he said, sincerely confused. He then went to his closet and came out wearing a pair of sweats and a t shirt, but when there was a knock on the front door making us both jump, suddenly Edward was back in his ripped EMT uniform. I probably would have questioned it more if I wasn't scared to death of who could be at the door; security, police, Carlisle – none of the potential visitors could be a good thing.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Edward quietly, too afraid to move.

"It could just be someone selling something," Edward mused. He walked over to the peephole and peeked out. "Nope. It's Alice."

_Shit._


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Where am I going to hide?" I said in a panic as I looked around the room for some kind of idea.

"Why would you hide?" Edward asked confused.

"So Alice doesn't see me!" I hissed. "She's probably here to feed Fluffy, and the last thing anyone needs is for her to find me trespassing."

"Bella, she's not here to feed Fluffy," he said unexpectedly.

"How do you know?"

"Because the cat's not here. If Fluffy were here, he would have been annoying the shit out of us by now. I think someone…_probably Alice_, has taken him outta here. His food bowl isn't even in the kitchen anymore."

"Okay…so why is she here then?" I asked even more frantic. "She's certainly not here to see _you_."

"Well, she's here to see someone, otherwise she would have just come in with her key," Edward suggested.

"Bella?" Alice's voice rang out from the other side of the door.

I froze.

"Bella, I know you're in there," she continued. "Or at least, I think you are. Hey look, I really need to talk to you so can you please open the door before I convince myself I've gone mad?"

"What do I do?" I asked Edward anxiously.

He shrugged. "I guess you should just…open the door."

I huffed and then nodded. "At this point, why not, right?" I went to the door and took a deep breath before slowly opening it. The moment Alice and I locked eyes she pushed past me and came inside…except she wasn't alone.

"Hi Bella!" Bree shouted excitedly as she came out from around the corner.

"Bree insisted that I take her to see Edward," Alice explained.

"Shouldn't you go to the hospital then?" I asked carefully.

"Edward!" Bree squealed the moment she saw him there.

"I'd say I took her to the right place," Alice replied casually.

"I don't understand," I said slowly as we watched Bree run across the room towards Edward. "What's going on?"

"Hey sweetheart," Edward said as he hugged his niece and then began tickling her, making her giggle loudly.

"You don't have to play stupid with me Bella, I know Edward is here with you," Alice said confidently.

"Whaa…how?" I asked with a mix of disbelief and relief. I already accepted that Edward was more than a figment of my imagination, but having an adult reaffirm it was almost comforting in a way.

"I figured it out at dinner the other night. I've always been…_sensitive_ when it comes to intangible entities, of course, I've never had someone so close to me be in this position so I am slightly bitter that my brother hasn't shown himself to me, but I'm dealing."

"It's not something I can choose, Alice," Edward said irritated from the other side of the room.

"I know, I know, he has no control over who can and can't see him," Alice added.

"Wait, can you hear him?" I asked her.

"Hear him? No, but I definitely _sense_ him."

"Alice always claimed to be psychic, but I just assumed she was psych-_o_," Edward teased with a laugh.

"Is he laughing at me?" Alice asked, playfully offended. She then held her hands out in front of her and began walking in Edward direction like she wanted to hit him, but since she couldn't see him she used Bree as a guide. "Am I warm?" she asked her.

"Hot," Bree told her with a giggle. Edward laughed again and then danced away to avoid her; Alice mind-blowingly spun around to try to catch him without even being told he moved. "Oh, you're cold….now you're hot again…getting cooler," Bree went on, trying to instruct Alice where to go to get closer to Edward. After the initial shock of everything wore off, it was actually rather comical.

"Ohh, stop moving around!" Alice shouted at him. Bree just kept giggling.

"So…you can't see him, or hear him, but you can sense where he is and when he's laughing?" I asked bewildered.

"It's hard to explain," she said as she swatted the air in Edward's general direction again. "I've trained to be an aura reader, but I'm not very good at it. My gift, _as I like to call it_, is almost like thinking of a memory while you're looking at something tangible. You can almost see the memory, but it's in the background or your peripheral vision as you still see the real world around you clearly. I can see…or rather _sense_ otherworldly presences. I know they're there, even if I can't touch them or really hear them. It's kind of like…have you ever heard the wind whistling through a distant tree and thought it almost sounded like voices or children playing?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"It's kind of like that. I don't really hear, but I hear, and I don't really see, but I see as well… Like I said, it's hard to explain."

"But you heard Edward say that I smelled good?" I asked, suddenly remembering her odd comment when we met.

"Oh no, he told me that years ago," she said unexpectedly. "We've had several long conversations about you in the past. He told me things, just like I tell him things. We're actually pretty close…as close as any siblings…closer, in fact; I've told him stuff that I'd never tell Emmett…" She paused and seemed to find something wrong with what she said, so she quickly tried to correct herself. "But we're not _close_-close, not in the incestuous kind of way that you two were when your parents were married."

"Okay, I don't think we need to continue this conversation," Edward said awkwardly.

"So he told you about our unconventional relationship; what else did he say?" I pressed, ignoring Edward's protest.

"Bree, tell Alice to stop talking," he instructed.

"Auntie Alice, Edward doesn't want you telling Bella anything else," Bree informed her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course he doesn't." Then she turned to me. "Ask him about his tattoos."

"Oh fuck," Edward huffed.

"What tattoos?" I asked confused. I had just seen him naked and I definitely didn't see any tattoos.

"We don't need to talk about tattoos!" Edward cut in anxiously. "Can you just ask Alice why she's here so she can leave?"

I didn't understand the whole tattoo thing, but I decided to let it go for the time being. "He wants to know why you're here," I said to Alice.

"I told you, Bree wanted to see Edward so I promised her the next time I babysat, I'd take her… And I needed to talk to _you_."

"What about?"

She glanced back at Bree who was sitting on the couch with Edward. "Why don't you walk with me to my car? I have some stuff I need help getting out."

Obviously whatever she had to say she didn't want Bree or Edward to hear. "Okay…is she alright in here…you know, by herself," I asked. "The parking lot is a little ways away."

"Hopefully Edward will stay with her instead of uncontrollably following you," she replied while pulling at my arm to drag me outside.

"How'd you know he does that?"

"Soul mates will always follow each other while in the disembodied state," she said assuredly as we walked together to the parking lot. When we got there, she popped her trunk and surprised me with four cans of paint.

"What's this for?" I asked as she handed me two cans to carry.

"It's pink paint for Bree's room. She said Edward told her the other night that you guys were going to make it pretty for her."

"Oh…well, we are," I said with a grin. "Thanks Alice."

"Look, this is all really just an excuse to come here and talk to you. I went to your mom's house yesterday and she said you were staying with a friend but that she had no idea who since you didn't have any friends left here in town, so I figured you were here."

"Okay, so what do you need to talk about?"

"I'm starting to get worried, Edward's been out for too long. Something isn't right, and I really feel like it's because of you."

"Me?" I asked surprised.

"I know that he loves you and wants to stay wherever you are, but that's not what he needs. He has to go back to his body."

"We went to the hospital and tried that," I told her. "I think his body needs more time…"

"His body is perfectly healthy. There's nothing more doctors can do for him."

"So…why isn't he waking up?" I asked, not expecting an answer.

"You're his soul mate, it's something you need to help him with."

"How?" I asked frustrated.

"Bella, I don't mean to scare you, but the longer a soul stays away from its body, the harder it is to reconnect to it. I'm concerned that if he doesn't go back soon, he could be stuck in this _limbo_ forever."

My heart jumped. "When we were at the hospital he said he didn't feel connected to his body anymore," I told her as fear ripped through my veins. "Does that mean he can't go back?"

"As long as his body is alive, there is a chance he can go back…it's just really difficult. He has to want it – _really_ want it with everything he is."

"And you don't think he does?" I asked confused.

"I think he has some reservations. He loves Bree, but I think he really wasn't happy with his life, and perhaps he's happier now so he's scared of going back."

"That doesn't make sense, why would he be scared? The only thing that would change if he went back is that other people would see him."

She shook her head slowly. "His brain is a physical organ, part of his physical body…He's not going to remember any of this." _My heart jumped again._ "I think somewhere deep down he knows that and is terrified to lose everything you did together since you've been back. I mean, I can see how far you've both come without even seeing him…And I can feel how worried he is about it."

"But it's not like we can't do it all again," I said, trying to fight back my tears.

"Sure you can…but you have to remember, he's been baring his soul to you…literally; there's no walls to hide behind and nowhere to bury his emotions. Edward the _man_, is a complicated and very guarded type of person. He doesn't show his true self very often and few ever even get a chance to see him at all. He's let me in after I basically spent years pushing, and of course Bree, but since I've known him he hasn't even had a good relationship with Carlisle. Most of the time he's cold and stubborn to the point of idiocy, and I'm fairly certain he'll return to that once he wakes up."

"And you think he'll be that way with me?" I asked evenly.

"You especially. Bella, he loves you, always has, but I think despite the way he treated you, he never expected you to disappear completely. He thought he'd have a chance to make things right, and over the years he became rather cynical. He's not going to let you in very easily; he's going to keep himself closed off because he's scared that you may leave again. It's going to take patience and strength on your part, and I can't promise you he'll ever come around. He can be really pigheaded."

I swallowed hard. "So what you're saying is that if Edward doesn't go back to his body soon, he may never go back, but…if he does go back, we might not end up together?"

"You're soul mates, of course you'll _end _up together…just maybe not in this life. But that's a big _'maybe'_. If anyone can break down his defenses it's you. I mean, he's not heartless. He's a very sweet and compassionate guy as well, he's just…complex."

"Aren't we all," I said jadedly.

"Look, I need to run some errands today; I only agreed to babysit Bree because I planned on leaving her here with you guys. So spend the day with her, paint her room together and just show Edward how good life could be. It may convince him to go back."

"But what's the point if he's not going to remember anything?"

"He won't remember the actually things that happened, but he may remember the feelings that accompanied them and it'll make it easier."

I nodded absently. "I don't think Bree's mom would appreciate you leaving her with a stranger."

Alice shrugged. "She'll be fine….and so will _you_," she said supportively. "You'll see. This will all work out."

"You didn't seem so confident a minute ago."

"I am confident, I just wanted you to understand that nothing is certain. I just want you to prepare yourself for how I know Edward to be. If you are determined from the beginning, than hopefully everything will fall into place."

I huffed anxiously. "Hopefully."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Okay, I'm heading out for a bit. Are you going to be okay here?" Alice asked Bree after we got back from the parking lot.

"Really? I get to stay with Edward?" Bree squealed.

"Just for a few hours."

"Where is she going?" Edward asked confused.

"Errands," I said absently. I was still reeling from everything she had told me, so it was safe to say I was slightly out of it.

"Yes, errands," Alice confirmed. "And by the time I get back, I expect that room to be pink. No slacking off like you did the last time you were asked to paint," she said to the corner of the room…which was adjacent to where Edward actually was.

Edward scoffed. "Oh whatever. I painted Jasper's living room beautifully."

"Jasper asked him to help paint his living room, and basically he hardly touched the paint brush and the parts he did paint were uneven and dripped everywhere," Alice explained.

"Pfft. It's still the best room in his place," Edward stated.

Bree and I laughed so Alice narrowed her eyed and pointed threateningly in the direction she thought he was in. "Do it right." And with that, she winked at me and then left.

Edward appeared to be obeying Alice's command as he looked over the paint cans and brushes, but then he walked back to me. "Hey Bella, can I see your phone?"

"Sure," I said while handing it to him. I watched confused as he pulled up the internet…and then clicked on a painting service. "Edward," I chided him.

"Oh come on, just call them for me," he said while dialing the number and then shoving the phone up to my ear.

Bree giggled. "So we don't have to paint all day?"

"Heck no," Edward told her.

"Can we go get ice cream?" she asked hopefully.

"I don't know, it's up to Bella what we do."

I smirked at him just as the paint guy answered the phone – luckily he was available and could come paint the room right away. Edward and Bree cheered.

After we let the painters in, we went to the park and then bought ice cream…from the same vendor we bought from that day he first introduced me to Bree. The man obviously recognized me and even looked a little concerned for Bree's wellbeing since he assumed I was crazy, but I decided I just didn't care and wasn't going to let it affect me.

"So, let me guess, you want a scoop of chocolate just so you can drop it on the ground again?" the guy asked me irritated.

"Was that what happened last time I was here?" I asked amused. I had handed Edward his ice cream, which he took, but to someone ignorant to his presence it may have looked like I just dropped it. It was rather interesting actually.

"Yeah, and you were talking to yourself," he grumbled as he scooped Bree's rainbow sherbet.

"Sorry about that. I went off my antipsychotic meds, but I'm better now," I joked straight faced. "They even let me babysit again," I said with a smirk before handing him some money.

The guy raised his brows, but then shook his head and let it go.

"You don't want any ice cream, Edward?" Bree asked as we walked over to a bench to eat.

"Nah…It didn't go down too well the last time I had some."

"How does that all work anyway?" I asked him curiously. "I mean, I've seen you eat and even drink…how do you do that without a stomach?"

"You don't have a stomach?" Bree said surprised.

"No, of course he does," I said quickly. _Shit._ "I was just joking."

"Bree, you know that I'm in a coma right now, right?" Edward asked her gently.

She thought about it for a moment, and then she nodded. "You're like my daddy…but he's dead. Are you going to die too?"

My breath caught.

"Um…" Edward searched for the right thing to say. "I don't know…But it doesn't really matter either way," he said unexpectedly. "I'll always be here for you like this."

"But my daddy went to heaven…he just visits sometimes. Are you going to go to heaven too when you die?"

Edward glanced at me and suddenly I became terrified. It was just as Alice feared, he had no intention of ever going back to his body.

"I'm not going to go to heaven…at least not for a while. I'm going to stay with Bella," he told her with a smile that was meant to be reassuring. "That way I can still see you too."

"But you were supposed to take care of me when my mommy can't anymore," she said somberly.

Edward pressed his lips together. "I know…But you're going to be okay. I heard Carlisle saying you could stay with him."

"I don't want to stay with Carlisle. I want to stay with you!" she cried.

"I'm sorry," Edward cooed while hugging her.

But then she pulled away. "It's not fair, everyone always dies! My grandparents, then my daddy, then you, and my mommy is going to die too. Why does it keep happening?"

I couldn't keep my own tears from spilling over my cheeks from Bree's heartbreaking outburst. It was devastating, and yet, I also found myself feeling a little hopeful. Perhaps Bree's anguish was enough to give Edward the wake-up call he needed…_literally_.

"Hey, everything is going to be okay," he told her. "I promise. Have I ever broken a promise?" She shook her head no. "And I never would."

I wanted to question what he meant by that, but I decided it was probably best to save it until we were alone. Bree was upset enough as it was, there was no sense in making it worse.

When Bree calmed down, the three of us…_or two of us as far as bystanders were concerned_, went to play in the playground. We swung on the swings, played tag in the grass, and even borrowed someone's basketball to play the most fun game of Horse I ever played. The park wasn't crowded so we didn't worry about people seeing Edward taking his shots, though I did wonder what it looked like to those who couldn't see him.

Before long, Bree was exhausted and we decided to head home. Edward wanted to carry her, but I decided that having a flying six year old would be a little hard for people to take. We got back to the apartment just as the painters were finishing up, so I pulled out my credit card to pay for the service, but then Edward stopped me. "We'll use _my_ credit card."

"When did you get your wallet?"

"I haven't, but I keep this here for emergencies."

I hesitantly took it from him. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"It's a little too late for that. I think we're stuck with a pink room?" he joked.

"No, I mean using your credit card to pay for it. Later on you may wonder who authorized it."

He laughed once humorlessly. "Why would I wonder that? I'm the one telling you to use it."

"Yeah, _now_…but what about after you wake up in your body…You're not going to remember and probably assume someone is scamming you."

"I think I'd get it after I saw the pink room," he said with another laugh. Then he looked around to make sure Bree was distracted. "Besides, there's a good chance I won't go back to my body at all, and then Carlisle will end up having to deal with all my debts and he'll assume I arranged to have it done before my accident."

"Edward, we really need to talk about this."

"Talk about what?"

I glanced at Bree. "We'll talk about it later."

"Talk about what later?" he asked confused.

Thankfully, Alice picked that moment to show up, and after inspecting the pink room and giving us props for a job well done, she and Bree left for the day.

"I feel kind of bad that she thinks we did all the work ourselves," I admitted when we were alone.

"Nah, Bree's six, so she doesn't understand little white lies and I'm sure she's telling her all about everything that happened today. We'll get a phone call tomorrow or even later today with her bitching about it."

"Should we be scared?" I joked.

"With Alice, I'm always scared," he said with faux seriousness. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

I grabbed his hand and towed him towards the couch so we could sit. "We need to discuss you going back to your body."

"Well, we already tried that."

"Yes, but maybe we need to try it again. The sooner you're reconnected, the better."

"Why?" he asked, making my stomach twist.

"Why what?" I replied, terrified that I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Why should I go back? I mean, it's not like I don't have everything I want like this. We could even have sex, which is something I'd never imagine ghosts can do. So why go back?"

"Edward, if you don't go back soon, you may never be able to go back."

"So I'll never go back," he replied evenly.

"Remember when we made love here after getting back from Seattle; you know, when I thought you were…really there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you disappeared for two days afterwards"

"I did?" he asked perplexed.

"Yeah, and I found out from Carlisle that around the time you disappeared, you had one of your worse cardiac arrests yet. What if your body dies and you disappear completely?"

"I didn't know what was happening then. I think I can control it better now," he replied unconcerned.

"If it can be controlled, then why isn't your brother constantly hanging around Bree and her mom? She said he only comes to visit occasionally."

He shrugged. "Maybe he likes heaven. I have no idea how it all works, I just know that being like this is better than how things were before."

"Edward, Bree needs you to wake up," I told him slowly. "Your family needs you; _I_ need you."

"Bree will live with Carlisle, and I can visit all of them anytime I want," he argued.

"Fine...let's just say that you're _not_ forced to go to heaven, or whatever, you'll honestly be happy living like this forever; in limbo where only a couple people can see you?"

"I won't live like this forever; once you die we can move on together."

I scowled at him. "Oh, so I'll get old and you'll be hanging around frozen in all your twenty eight year glory?"

He ignored my comment. "Look, all I care about is staying with you, and if I stay like this, then nothing will ever get between us. The real world sucks."

"So you're leaving me to face it alone?" I asked incredulously.

"You're not alone. I'm here with you. I'll always be here with you."

"But what if you disappear like you did with your cardiac arrest?" I asked again.

He cradled my face in his hands and looked intensely into my eyes. "I came back didn't I? I will _always_ come back for you."

"Edward, you need a life."

"You are my life."

"But what if you change your mind about going back, and it's too late?" I asked feebly. The truth was, perhaps I wasn't putting in as much of a fight as I should have. Perhaps I was relieved he didn't want to go back. Alice had scared the shit out of me with the possibility that he wouldn't remember everything and try to push me away. I couldn't lose him again, and if he stayed in spirit form, I wouldn't.

I suppose that saying was true after all – _'Death was easy…peaceful. Life was harder'_ - And we were both tired of doing things the hard way.

A part of me was disappointed in myself for giving up, but when it all came down to it, Edward was right. All that mattered was that we were together.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Accepting Edward's decision to remain in his current state was an immediate weight off my shoulders…or course, that relief was quickly followed by guilt and regret. How could I say that I loved him and then turn around and allow him to give up his life? I wanted to keep him for selfish reasons, but what he needed was to wake up. He did say he'd always come back for me, couldn't his devotion turn into determination in his corporal form? But then again, was it worth the risk of losing him after I had grown so irrevocably attached?

I didn't know what to do, but I decided to push off the issue until the next morning. With everything so uncertain, I didn't want to spend what could be one of our last nights together arguing.

I kissed him tenderly, and then we erupted into a fit of passion that made it impossible to be upset about anything, but as I tore off his ripped uniform, I thought to myself how nice it would be to see him in something else. The image of Edward in a tux flashed through my mind, though I wasn't exactly sure why.

Our kiss quickly moved us to the bedroom, but when he pushed into me, something felt different. I ran my hands up his bare torso and marveled over his beauty…but something was off. Nothing had changed, but it didn't feel like it usually did. He slammed into me rougher than normal as if he felt the alteration as well, but it was still almost soft in a way, like all the raw grittiness of skin on skin was suddenly sanded.

We were able to easily climax despite the shift in sensation, but afterwards neither of us talked about it; we just laid awake and enjoyed the serenity of being together. I was lying on my back, and he was beside me on his stomach with his head resting on my chest, and then he began caressing small circles over my bare abdomen with his fingertips.

Something made me look down at his hand, and suddenly – "Oh my god!" I shouted as I saw the startling sight of his fingers disappearing into my stomach.

He jumped up and looked just as scared as I was, but he quickly tried playing it off. "What are you freaking out about?"

"You…you went through me."

He laughed once. "I always go_ through_ you," he said playfully with a seductive smirk.

"No, you know what I mean," I said in a panic. I reached my hand out and tentatively grabbed a hold of him, terrified that I wouldn't be able to actually touch him. When my hand made contact on his arm I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't know what I would have done if I couldn't touch him anymore.

"See? Nothing's wrong," he said with a smile, though I could see the relief in his eyes as well.

I tried to calm my nerves, but the horrifying experience brought all my concerns back to the forefront.

"Edward, you went through me, and I know you saw it too."

"Everything is fine," he said dismissively.

"But what if it isn't? We have no idea what we're dealing with here, and maybe we're just fooling ourselves to think we can just stay like this indefinitely."

"Bella, I promise you, everything is fine," he said slowly.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know what happened," he said unexpectedly.

"You do?"

"Yeah, and it's not a big deal. It's happened before and it's my fault, but I won't let it happen again."

"What do you mean, it's _your _fault?" I asked confused. "And why didn't I know that it happened before?"

"It..." he paused. "It happened when you weren't looking, and obviously you didn't feel it."

"Okay, and how is it your fault?" I questioned.

He huffed. "It seems to happen when I think about certain things."

"What things?" I pressed.

"Just things," he snapped. "I wasn't sure that was the trigger before, but now that I do I won't think about it again."

I didn't buy a word of it. "Edward, you looked just as frightened as I was. Tell me what's going on."

He took a deep breath, and for a moment I wondered if he wasn't going to come clean, but with his exposed soul I suppose lying was next to impossible. "Okay. I think when I have a moment of…reconsideration, it happens."

"What do you mean?"

"When I have doubts about staying," he admitted reluctantly.

I took a second to think about what he was saying. "When you have doubts about not going back to your body?" I asked with a sudden bout of violent butterflies fighting to break free of my stomach.

He nodded sheepishly. "I want to stay like this…but every once in a while I think about what we'd be missing out on."

I bit my lower lip. "Like what?"

He slowly moved back closer to me before resting his hand on my abdomen. "Like seeing you…_rounded_ with my baby," he murmured. "I never wanted to have kids in the past, but… I don't know, maybe having a kid that's half you and half me would be pretty incredible."

"It would be," I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly. I never expected to feel that way because I never wanted kids either, but not even having the possibility was actually heartbreaking.

"But I don't want it enough to go back," Edward said abruptly, taking me aback.

"You don't?"

"Bella, I…I know what Alice told you…about me and what it could be like if I were to go back."

"How?" I asked shocked. "You stayed with Bree."

He shook his head no. "My…separation anxiety has only gotten worse. I tried to force myself to stay with her, but the pull was too strong and I ended up uncontrollably poofing to where you were."

"But…but Alice would have sensed you."

"I stayed as far back as I could; I didn't want either of you to know just how weak I really am…. Bella, I remember the kind of guy I was before, and I don't want to go back to it. As shitty as it sounds, I don't know if I could overcome my idiocy. It's like I was addicted to being a prick."

"Before we knew you were ethereal, you told me you had gotten better. That since Bree was in your life you had been getting therapy and working on your issues," I argued.

"And that's true…but I had also convinced myself that relationships weren't worth it. I stopped with the one night stands, but…I basically stopped dating altogether because the last thing I wanted was for Bree to get attached to anyone and then not have it work out. When I saw you at the hospital that first day, it was clear to me that we belonged together, but somehow I know that it's not going to be so clear if I woke up. My stupid fucking brain is too screwed up."

"I'll fight for you," I promised him. "And I won't give up the way you didn't give up on me."

"I'm just not sure it'll matter. Alice was right about everything when it came to the real me…And it's just not worth the risk."

I shook my head. "No, _this_ is the real you," I said as I placed my hand on his chest. "And once you're back, I'll just dig you out again."

He smiled somberly. "You know, it really sucks when you're your own worst enemy."

"Going back is a risk…but staying is an even bigger one. We don't know what's going to happen to you once your body gives out."

"I'm sure I'll always come back to you, even if I can't stay all the time. My brother comes back…. It's just better than not being with you at all."

It felt like an impossible situation, and I was losing points to argue. It seemed his mind was made, and as much as it scared me, I didn't know how to convince him…I didn't know how to convince either of us.

I thought we'd have more time to figure it all out, but as fate would have it, that evening came with a frantic call from Alice telling us time was up...


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"What have you been doing? You were supposed to convince him to go back to his body and now it's about to be too late!" Alice yelled through the phone.

My heart began racing anxiously. It was obviously a grave issue for her to freak out like that, but I needed some facts. "Alice, calm down. What are you talking about?" I asked as slowly as possible.

She took a deep breath. "Carlisle has decided to sign the papers to terminate Edward's life support."

"What?" I shouted. "When?"

"It's going to happen first thing in the morning. We're all supposed to go there and say goodbye to him. Carlisle said he was going to call you and Renee too. Bella, you have to do something."

"Right," I said before hanging up on her and immediately jumping into action. "Edward, we have to go," I told him in a panic as I looked for my car keys.

"Go where, what's going on?" he asked confused.

"I'll explain in the car," I told him.

Even if Edward was sure what he wanted, I definitely wasn't ready to go past the point of no return. I needed to beg Carlisle to wait; to give me just a little more time to really accept whatever decision we made.

"Where are we going?" Edward asked slowly as I peeled out of the parking lot.

I decided not to answer him after all; answering him would just lead to arguing, and I couldn't allow him to detour me right then.

"Bella?" he asked again, but I still kept my mouth shut and only pressed on the gas harder.

When we turned towards his father's street, he must have had a pretty good idea where we were heading, but by then he figured out that I wasn't going to explain, so after parking in front of the house he just quietly followed me to the door.

"Bella? I was just about to call you," Carlisle said, surprised to see me there.

"You can't take Edward off life support!" I blurted out, without any form of greeting.

Carlisle took a second to process what I just said, and then he sighed. "Bella, it's time. He's just not getting better."

"Bella," Edward whispered after hearing the issue. "It's okay. We talked about this."

"No!" I told both of them. "We just need a little more time…Time to make sure."

Carlisle's features dropped. "I understand how you feel about this, trust me I do, but… it's not even my decision."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused, but then glanced at Edward knowing he'd have an answer even if Carlisle decided not to elaborate.

Thankfully, Carlisle led me over to the porch swing, and then we sat so he could explain. "Like most people in the medical field, Edward chose to sign a document stating he didn't wish to be kept alive artificially."

"No," I said again, except this time it was more of a whisper.

"I've pulled so many strings to keep him going to give him every chance possible to wake up…but it's been too long now, and he's not improving. It's time to let him go," he said emotionally.

I shook my head slowly. "I can't let him go."

"Bella…Carlisle's right, it's time," Edward told me. "Let's just go home. We don't even have to think about it."

"Carlisle, what if I told you that Edward is here?" I said without thinking it through. "His spirit is here, and we've been spending a lot of time together lately." I paused as I tried to read his reaction, but he gave nothing away so I continued. "I really think the reason he's not waking up is because he hasn't decided what he wants yet. But…I think I can convince him to go back," I said hesitantly.

"I did decide what I want, and I'm not going back," Edward said stubbornly. "Can we just go home please?"

Carlisle frowned. "Bella, listen, as much as I would love for that to be true…"

"It is true," I cut him off. "He's here right now."

"I'm sorry, but I can't prolong his coma," Carlisle replied decisively, refusing to believe me. He then dug his wallet out of his pocket and took out a card. "This is Jasper's number…perhaps you should give him a call."

"Jasper's number?" I asked confused. _Why would I need to call Alice's boyfriend?_ I took the card and looked at it, and was definitely shocked to read that Jasper was a psychologist. How could a crystal toting-semi psychic like Alice ever date a doctor for crazy people? It was almost ironic in a way.

"I'm not insane," I told him slowly as I felt the hopelessness began to creep in. "I just need a little more time."

"Look, we're heading to the hospital to spend a few hours with him; you're welcome to come…But at six tomorrow morning, life support will be terminated."

"Well, I guess I have until then to convince him to go back into his body," I said determinedly.

"Come on, Bella, let's go," Edward said yet again, except this time he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Do _you_ want to drive?" I said bitterly as he dragged me towards the driver's side of my car.

He didn't respond, he just open the door and waited for me to get in.

"Did you see the door open by itself?" I called back to Carlisle, sounding even crazier than he already thought I was.

Edward just pushed me in the car. "Drive Bella," he commanded after instantly appearing in the passenger seat.

"Where to?" I asked through gritted teeth. I wasn't sure why I was so angry, but I was absolutely fuming and it was directed towards him.

"Home."

"Okay," I said while gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. Just to add fuel to the fire, I chose to drive to the closest cemetery.

"What are you doing?" he asked exasperated.

"You said you wanted me to drive home. Well, there you go. Now, get out."

"Bella, we talked about this!" he shouted in frustration.

"Yeah, well maybe I've changed my mind!" I yelled back. "You can't just give up. Think about Bree, and your family. They all need you _alive_. Carlisle is holding it together right now, but do you really think that's going to last past tomorrow?"

Again, he didn't respond, he just stared at me impassively and then subtly shook his head no. His mind was made, and it was clear he wasn't going to change it.

"What now?" I murmured after a long moment of introspection.

"Now…we go home."

I sighed and then put the car back into drive and turned towards his apartment. "You know, we're going to have to find a different place to live….and I'm not sure what I can afford with my diner income."

"Maybe you could room with Alice for a while," he suggested gently.

"I doubt Carlisle will let me be around Bree after my wacko display back there," I continued. "Which means _you _won't be around Bree either. Hopefully Alice will be able to arrange a few visits every once in a while, but she's going to be grown before we know it, and we'll have missed it." – _So, perhaps I had resulted to a guilt trip._ It may have been low of me to use Bree like that, but I was willing to try anything.

We were both silent for a few minutes, but then he suddenly asked me to pull over.

"Why?" I asked baffled. "I thought you wanted to go home?"

"Please."

"Okay," I said before parking the car. We were in the downtown area of Forks, which was usually bustling with people but because of the late hour there were only a few straggling retail workers left, so we had the street virtually to ourselves.

"Come on, get out," he instructed.

I complied, but when he grabbed my hand and led me to the streetlamp-lit sidewalk, I just got even more confused. He slowly pulled me into him, and before I could fully process what was happening, I was being twirled under his arm.

"What?" he asked, amused by my discomfort. "No one is around to watch."

"It's not that," I said sheepishly. "I don't dance."

He smiled warmly. "We used to dance all the time."

"That was before…when we were kids and didn't know any better."

He chuckled. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I've never danced with anyone but you."

"There's no music," I protested.

He pulled me back into him and held me tightly as he began swaying us back and forth. "Yes there is, can't you hear it?"

I rested my ear on his chest, but then felt sick to my stomach when I couldn't hear his heartbeat_. I had heard it before, didn't I?_ Perhaps his physicality had only been in my head since his accident; after all, the body reacts to what the brain believes to be true – mind over matter and whatnot. But before I really had a chance to let my ill feeling overtake me, Edward started humming…

I wanted to ask what the tune was, but I quickly realized that it was an original; something he was making up as we danced; perhaps it was even the theme song to our saga. It was beautiful, and I refused to interrupt him with words that would only dampen the moment. I couldn't hear his heart, but I could feel his soul, and during those few minutes in time, nothing else mattered.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

After going home and making love, I laid awake all night in a surrealistic daze. I felt numb; like nothing was real anymore, and as much as I tried to snap out of it, I just couldn't.

I kept looking at the clock, and as the hours climbed, I felt more and more dead inside.

"Bella, stop thinking about it," Edward whispered when he noticed my glances. "Six is going to come and go, and nothing is going to change between us."

I didn't respond, because I didn't agree; I was already changed.

At five AM I finally woke from my daze enough to spring into action. I got dressed as quickly as possible and then ran to my car.

"Please tell me we're not going to the hospital," Edward asked irritated as I drove in that direction.

Again, I didn't respond. I loved him more than anything, but right then, _that day_, I was done responding to him – I needed to find some peace and figure out how to let go of the man he was. I needed to grieve the loss.

I wasn't surprised to see Renee's car in the hospital parking lot, I knew she'd be there, but for whatever reason her presence made me slightly nervous, and I wasn't sure why. I walked to the elevator…the same elevator I had my first ghostly Edward encounter in, and then I went up and was shocked to see how crowded his floor was.

"What's going on?" Edward asked confused.

"Everyone's here to say goodbye to their friend," I mumbled, trying to understand the situation myself. It was the only thing that made sense.

I recognized many faces as I passed, most gave me sympathetic looks and consoling smiles, a few even rubbed my arm supportively, but only family were allowed past the second set of doors leading to the hallway where his room was located. Thankfully, Carlisle still considered me family, and I was allowed to go in.

Edward stayed quiet as we walked, and then we both noticed Bree on the ground curled up on Rose's lap. She was crying, and as she looked up at us, she didn't smile and call out for Edward like I was expecting, she just scowled at him and continued to cry. She was so hurt by his decision, and she wasn't in a very forgiving mood. I understood completely.

Just as I reached his room door, Renee was coming out and her face was red and puffy. "Oh Bella!" she cried before pulling me into a hug and sobbing into my hair.

I still felt numb, so I absently stroked her back to comfort her, but I didn't feel anything. The fact that Edward was in spirit form next to me was nothing compared to the surrealistic reality of Edward Cullen about to be taken off of life support. What was the human race supposed to do without him? It just seemed wrong and grossly unreal.

"Good morning, Bella," Carlisle greeted me somberly as I entered the room. I looked around and saw Esme looking terrible like she hadn't slept in days, Emmett looked bad as well, but Alice just looked pissed as she stood there with her arms crossed and her foot thumping aggressively on the floor. She trusted me to convince Edward to return, and I failed. In fact, I did worse than failing - I actually gave up and for a moment accepted his decision. I deserved her resentment.

Carlisle looked at his watch. "Would you like a minute with him beforehand?" he asked me. "We've all had our turn to say goodbye."

I took a deep breath, and then shook my head no. I never really understood some people's need to say goodbye to an empty corpse…and that was all that was really left of the beautiful man lying in the bed. His spirit had abandoned him - left him there to die and then rot in the ground like he was nothing more than unwanted trash. It was sickening really.

"Okay…Nurse Jackie, you can tell them we're ready," Carlisle told the woman in the doorway.

A minute later two stuffy looking men came in and had Carlisle sign some official looking documents. I watched from the corner of the room as they began pushing buttons and flipping switches, and as the sound of the machines being shut down was replaced by sobbing, an overwhelming pain overcame me; a pain more intense than I had ever experienced before or even knew existed.

I watched in slow motion as they withdrew his breathing tube, which was followed by the little spikes on the monitor getting smaller and smaller.

Suddenly I didn't feel like it was a choice Edward had made. Right then I couldn't think about the fact that I'd still have him in some form no matter what. At that moment, the only thing in my world was the fact that Edward was dying.

When the little spikes flattened, I could feel my heart falter as well. I couldn't breathe, and the room grew darker and began spinning. I honestly felt like I was going to fall over and die right along with him, but when I sensed Edward's ethereal hand on my arm as he gently tried to pull me away, I snapped.

"No!" I screamed. "God, no." I ran across the room and pushed everyone out of the way so I could reach Edward's lifeless body. For the first time in over ten years, I made contact with his corporal self, and refused to let go. "Edward, you have to wake up now," I cried as I squeezed his hand tightly. "I know it's hard…I know you're scared, but you can't give up."

"Bella, stop this," Spirit Edward said gently from behind me. "It's over. Look, the heartbeat is gone."

I ignored him completely. "Remember when we were kids, and you told me we'd grow old together?" I asked desperately as I caressed his physical face.

"Bella, come on. You're freaking everyone out," Spirit Edward said louder than before.

"There's so much we still need to do together," I continued to beg with tears rushing down my cheeks. "I need you here with me."

"I am here," he insisted.

"You promised me…You swore you'd always fight for me. _But you're not fighting!"_ I cried. I was vaguely aware of Carlisle and Renee trying to get me to calm down, but I ignored them, just as I ignored Spirit Edward's repeated attempts.

"This world is cruel and tough, and I can't get through it if you're not here to pick up the pieces when I fall apart," I went on. "I need you, Bree needs you, your family needs you. _My_ life depends on yours…and I don't want to live in a world you're not living in. Please…Please come back to me."

It was all stuff I had said to him in the past, but somehow, someway, this time it was different. Suddenly there was a spike on the monitor, and everyone in the room gasped.

"Edward?" I said timidly.

There was another spike.

Carlisle moved to the other side of him and began taking his vitals, but I just held his hand tighter and kept willing him to return. "Please," I said again before leaning down and kissing his forehead. "Please, please, please," I chanted quietly while I rested my head on his. "Fight for us… Come back to me."

The spikes continued, so someone turned the sound on his heart monitor, and little steady beeps filled the room.

"Oh my god," I heard someone whisper, but I wasn't sure who.

"Bella, please, we need to check him," Carlisle said softly to me, but I refused to move completely. I did try to get out of their way to the best of my ability without letting go of Edward's hand, and it was then that I noticed that Spirit Edward was nowhere to be seen. My heart jumped, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my time of seeing ghosts was over.

Edward didn't wake up right away, but my heart knew that he would and I was suddenly engulfed in a mix of intense emotions. Sorrow, loss, fear, relief, hope…but more than anything, I just felt _love_. Edward was going to wake up. Edward was coming back to me…

* * *

*****A/N: Did you ever really have any doubt that he'd go back to his body? Come on, what kind of horrible story would that have made. LOL. HEA is coming, but not quite yet :)**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Once detached from the life support, Edward remained in stable condition but stayed unconscious for hours, however just when I began to fear the worst, he started moving…and mumbling.

"Edward, can you hear me?" Carlisle asked him, sounding much more like an anxious father than a doctor. "Try to open your eyes, son."

My heart beat out of my chest as I watched with astonishment when Edward's eyes fluttered, and then -"Bella," he croaked almost unintelligibly. My heart soared. _Alice was wrong, he did remember me!_

Carlisle glanced at me with a mix of disbelief, regret, and gratefulness, but he didn't need to voice any of it – he simply moved out of my way, and it was more than enough for me.

"Bella," Edward mumbled a little clearer, but then he began thrashing his head violently as if he was stuck in some horrible dream.

I never really let go of his hand, but I pulled our locked fists into my chest and used my other hand to caress his face. "Edward. Shhh, I'm here," I cooed, trying to calm him. "Everything is going to be okay now."

Finally he was able to open his eyes long enough to see, and his beautiful green eyes fixated right on me. We were together again, really together, and it was clear from his expression that he was just as thankful as I was.

"Bella," he croaked again. "Am I dead?"

"What? No," I said surprised with an emotional laugh. "You're in the hospital…everything's going to be just fine."

"The hospital?" he said sounding confused as he looked around the room wide-eyed. "Why? I don't understand."

"You were in an accident, son," Carlisle stepped forward and explained. "You've been in a coma for about a month now."

"A month?" Edward replied even more perplexed, before trying to sit up.

"Whoa, hold on. You're going to be very weak after being out of it for so long," Carlisle warned him gently. "Your muscles have atrophied and you'll need some physical therapy. But your wounds have healed beautifully, and now I'm sure you'll make a full recovery," he said while trying to fight back his emotions. "God, we're all so thankful to have you back."

Edward unexpectedly scowled at him…which was expression that actually brought me to tears. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see his physical-self use that expression again, or any expression for that matter. It was ridiculous of me to think that I could live without his perfect body. Every single inch of Edward was simply amazing, and the world would have been a darker place without it.

Carlisle went on to explain all of Edward's injuries to him, but because it was in technical terms I quickly became lost, and that was okay; he was going to make a full recovery and that was all that mattered. But some time later, after asking several confused questions and giving Esme and the others a few minutes to gush over him, Edward rubbed his head aggressively and said he had a headache and could use some quiet time to process everything.

"Well, that's understandable," Carlisle said with a supportive smile. "I'll be back to check on you soon, but in the meantime we're going to leave you hooked up to these monitors just to make sure you're doing okay."

"I feel fine," Edward grumbled, still looking and sounding less fine then he wanted anyone to think. His recuperation was definitely going to take a little time, which I was confident he'd have a problem accepting; Edward never did like being forced to take it easy, and I supposed spending a few _soulful _weeks without natural bodily limitations would make him even antsier than normal.

"Okay, well let's all leave him to rest," Carlisle told him with a light chuckle. He tugged on his wife's shirt to wake her from her tearful stupor, and then he walked over to me and rubbed my arm and smiled warmly as if he finally believed my story and was thanking me. We nodded at each other, and with that he walked out of the room.

"We're not going far," Esme told Edward tenderly before following her husband out.

Emmett clapped him gently on the shoulder and said "It's good to have you back, bro."

But Alice, who was strangely quiet, didn't say a word to him. She just glared in an almost scolding way, _which I didn't understand whatsoever_, and as she was leaving the room she surprised me by pointing at him and mouthing - _'Be nice'_.

I looked at Edward's face for some kind of clue as to what she meant by that, but he gave nothing away - well, nothing except even more confusion.

He looked back at me, but I couldn't read him and had no idea what he was thinking. "You're still here," he said, as if he just noticed me remaining in the room after the others had left. Surely he didn't want me to leave with them_, right?_

"Where else would I be?" I asked softly. But then I saw it… It played through his eyes like a silent movie, and I watched helplessly as his memories of our recent time together disappeared like a rain drop in the ocean. It was the exact opposite of what happened when we first saw each other in that elevator; in his ethereal form he didn't remember me at first but quickly became convinced we belonged together, whereas now he seemed to remember me when he first woke, he even called my name, but suddenly it was all gone.

"Uh…It's good to see you after all this time…but…"

"But you want some time to yourself," I finished his sentence for him while fighting back my tears. It was probably better if I took some time out as well, I certainly didn't want him to see me ugly cry…and that was exactly what I felt like doing. It was heartbreaking, and I wasn't sure how I was going to stop myself from crawling on top of him and begging him to remember us.

I bolted from the room before I had a chance to lose it completely, but while I was in the garden trying to control my sobbing, I realized just what an idiot I was being. Of course he didn't remember what we had recently. I already prepared myself for that and knew I had a fight ahead of me, a fight I promised both of us that I would win. So I wiped my face and made myself a new promise; I was done acting like a child and breaking down, and I refused to let it happen again. I had to be strong for us.

Edward wanted some space, so I was going to give him some…and then I was going to find a way to never have to give him space again. He wouldn't give up on me, and I won't ever give up on him. We belonged together, and eventually he'll realize it, just like I did.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

I decided to play it cool; I wasn't going to be pushy because I certainly didn't want him to think I was some psycho stalker, but it definitely wasn't easy. Leaving the hospital without him that day was probably the loneliest I ever felt, and being forced to go to my mother's home just made it that much worse. All her squealing, and crying, and talk of "Edward's miraculous return to the living" was driving me insane. She didn't know him, not really anyway, and her voice shrieked through my ears like nails on a chalkboard; I couldn't take it anymore, so I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day.

The next morning I went to the hospital…just as a friendly – '_hey it's been a long time, how are you_?' – sort of visit, and Edward actually looked pretty good. He was sitting up and joking around with Emmett, of course when he saw me gawking at him from the door way, the jokes stopped and a thick haze of discomfort filled the room.

"Hey," I said uneasily. "I just came by to see how you were doing today…But I can come back later if this is a bad time."

"Nah, it aint a bad time," Emmett said quickly before Edward had a chance to answer for himself. "I was just leaving."

"We were about to play cards," Edward argued.

"Well I just remembered that I have…a thing," Emmett replied while getting up and winking at me. "See ya later, bro."

Edward scowled in the direction of Emmett's departure, and then he reluctantly looked back at me. "So…how long have you been back in town?" he asked with forced casualness.

"Uh… A few weeks," I said as I crossed the room to sit in the chair Emmett had vacated. "I figured I owed my mom a visit."

He chuckled at my comment. "Doesn't Renee usually go to see you? For someone who refuses to move away, she sure seems to jump at the chance to leave as often as possible."

"Yeah well, I do come from a long line of head-cases," I joked, but was actually pretty serious.

"I was under the impression you didn't ever plan on coming home?" he asked strangely. His tone almost had a sharp edge to it, and that was when I remembered Alice saying how upset he was that I never came back after graduation.

"I guess I didn't plan on coming back," I admitted. "But circumstances happened that sort of…forced me here, and I'm really glad that I did."

"Why?" he asked, sincerely baffled. "There's nothing here."

I shrugged. "I'm not so sure about that."

He thought about it for a minute, but then seemed to just dismiss it. "So how much longer are you going to be staying?"

"Open-endedly. I'm just waiting for my next step to be revealed," I said, and then had to pause from the déjà vu my 'next step' comment gave me.

"Wait for it to be revealed?" he asked incredulously. "I always thought you were the type to search things out, not wait for them to come to you."

I raised my shoulders sheepishly. "I guess I've learned not to mess with destiny."

He rolled his eyes. "There's no such thing."

"Trust me, I was a cynic too, but then everything changed."

"What do you mean?"

I honestly considered telling him exactly what I meant by that, the entire truth, but then I bit my bottom lip. "It's a long story," I told him, knowing he'd probably just think I was crazy.

"Yeah, I guess we don't have time for a long story right now," he said distractedly while looking up at the clock behind his head. "I think I'm almost due for a doctor check."

"Oh…Well, I can step outside when he comes if you need me to."

"When he was here earlier he said I really needed to limit my visitation for now…just so I can rest, and whatnot."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" I said jokingly with a smile, even though I was actually a little hurt since I knew that was exactly what he was trying to do.

He huffed. "Look, Bella, it's…good to see you after all this time, but….I mean, you have to see how awkward this is."

"Awkward?" _Of course it was awkward_ - not that I was willing to admit it or let it get in the way.

"Yeah, it's not like we were the best of friends last time we saw each other," he went on slowly. "I mean, I'm here…in the hospital…after almost dying and being in an extended coma. That's not usually the time for reunions with - _whatever the hell we were to each other._ I would just rather…if you didn't come back."

I had prepared myself for the wrath of Dickward like Alice had warned me he'd be, but he was surprisingly soft and obviously not trying to hurt my feelings; his bluntness still stung though.

"We were close once…and I was worried about you. That's all," I said, refusing to let the tingling in my nose and prickling in my eyes turn into tears. _'Be strong Bella,_' – I had to keep reminding myself. "I was hoping we could…spend a little time together while I'm in town. You know, just to catch up."

He breathed in deeply through his nose. "I'm sorry, I'm just not at a place in my life where I want to _catch up_," he said as gently as possible given the content of his statement. "I mean, I have some physical therapy ahead of me, and then I need to try to get back into some form of normalcy. I just can't deal with the whole _'blast from the past'_ thing right now."

I swallowed hard and tried to think of something, _anything_, that would convince him to just give me a little chance, but what was I supposed to say after that? Any kind of arguing or pleading would just seem insane and desperate – _of course I was both, I just didn't want him to think that I was. _

"Okay," I heard myself whisper. I wasn't giving up, I just needed to come up with some sort of new idea on how to get close to him again. Forcing myself on him definitely wasn't going to work; he had to _want_ to spend time with me. "Well…good luck with everything. Maybe we'll run into each other around town after you're feeling better."

He smiled apologetically. "Yeah, maybe."

I forced out a smile in return, and then reluctantly left. Perhaps he was right after all, perhaps I needed to leave him alone while he recuperated; _he did always hate feeling vulnerable_. I could spend that time setting up my own life so that when we finally did have a chance to get to know each other again, I wouldn't seem like such an aimless loser. In a way I was excited; it was going to be difficult, but I finally had real motivation to get myself back on track…


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Oh my god, you're serious?" I cried. I just couldn't believe it; after all the hardships and negativity around me, finally something was going right. "You're actually giving me the loan?" I was so happy I almost hugged the banker.

Of course, acquiring the business loan was just the beginning, and I was sure I was in for a truck load of stress before my new bookstore even had a chance to open. Finding an apartment in Seattle was my next step, and as much as my conscience told me to go for the one bedroom with the affordable rent, when I saw the three bedroom with one of the rooms painted pink, my preserving heart knew it was home.

I had a week and a half left before my apartment would become available, so that meant I was stuck staying with my mom a little longer. I considered just staying in a hotel, but the truth was I kept hoping for some sort of divine intervention with Edward. It had been almost three weeks since he woke from his coma, and I hadn't had any contact with him whatsoever. Alice texted me when he was discharged from the hospital, and she tried to keep me up to speed with his recovery, but with everything physical going smoothly there really wasn't much to say. He hadn't talked about me to her, and I doubted he would in the future.

I decided to continue to work at the diner for as long as possible, just to make as much money as I could to save for a rainy day, and it was on an actual rainier day than normal that fate finally stepped in and helped me out.

"Bella!" a little voice carried through the diner.

I was waiting on a customer, but the moment I heard Bree I couldn't help but give her all my attention. "Hey, I was hoping you'd come in to see me," I said to her as she hugged my waist. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too," she said excitedly. "I tried to get Edward to come sooner, but he wouldn't listen."

I looked up towards the door and saw a small crowd gathered around, assumedly to congratulate Edward on his recovery, and I had to admit, there was a small part of me that missed the time when no one saw him but me and Bree. After a few moments, he politely excused himself from the group to catch up with his niece. As he made his way over to where we were, we unexpectedly locked eyes and my heart fluttered uncontrollably as a result. He looked absolutely incredible…beautiful even, and I definitely wasn't the only one who had trouble looking away. It was amazing to think he had been in a coma just weeks before; apparently his physical therapy was a success and I was beyond grateful.

"Hey," I said to him as casually as possible. "Guess we're running into each other."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure if it's a coincidence though," he said while looking sternly at Bree. "Is Bella the reason why you wanted to come here so badly?"

She smiled sheepishly. "I love the blackberry pie here."

"Mmm-hmm, sure you do." He looked back at me. "She has been talking about you non-stop for the past three days."

I tried like hell to suppress my smile, but I wasn't sure how successful I was. "Really? Well we sure did have fun the last time we were together, right Bree?"

She nodded with a huge grin. "But Edward is being a big dork," she said audaciously.

Edward scowled at her. "Didn't I tell you to never repeat anything Emmett says?"

She giggled. "A dork is a whale's pee-pee."

"Who told you that?" Edward asked horrified.

"Emmett."

He rolled his eyes. "Go sit down so we can order some lunch."

"I'll give you a minute to look over the menu," I told them before finishing with the costumer I was previously waiting on. I took the tag to the kitchen, refilled someone's drink, and brought another table their salads before going back to take Edward and Bree's order.

"I want a strawberry shake and macaroni and cheese!" Bree said enthusiastically.

I smiled. "Okay, and what about you?" I asked Edward.

"Why does she talk about you like you're best friends after only meeting you once?" Edward asked me, ignoring my request for his order.

"Uh…"

"Carlisle said you came over for dinner a few weeks ago and met Bree then, but that she was only there for a few minutes before you left."

"I told you, we played together at the park," Bree said irritated.

For whatever reason, Edward didn't believe her so he looked up at me for conformation.

"Yeah, Alice was babysitting one day but needed to run some errands, so I watched her for a couple hours and we went to the park."

Edward scrunched his face. "Alice had only met you, what, _one time_, and she trusted you with my kid?"

His comment threw me off guard for a moment. "Well, she said you and Carlisle knew me pretty well so she figured Bree would be fine with me. It's not like I'm a complete stranger," I said defensively.

"Carlisle and I _don't _know you pretty well; it's been a decade since we talked to you last. You could have become a drug dealer by now for all we know." I just stared at him incredulously, so he sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not upset at you, I just…" he took a deep breath, "I'm just a little paranoid with her. I don't want to mess this whole parenting thing up."

"I think all parents make mistakes…But I promise, she was safe with me."

"No, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak. I just hate that my family had to cover my responsibilities for me like that. Its strange, I feel like I've been out of it for so long that everything is different from before, and it's just extremely frustrating so I'm on edge all the time….But, I do apologize, you certainly don't deserve to have me lash out at you like that."

"It's fine…But what do you mean, _you feel like everything is different_?" I asked, thinking I knew but tried to play dumb anyway.

"I don't know," he sighed. "My family has all been acting strange around me, and my apartment is different, and Bree has just been…" he paused and then looked beside him at his niece. "It's like I'm missing something, and everyone knows what it is, but they won't tell me."

My heart jumped. He didn't remember, but it was clear there was a part of him that wanted to. At the very least, he was semi-confiding in me, and that was definitely a start and gave me a little more hope.

"And I have no idea why I'm even telling you all of this right now," he added unexpectedly, which basically squished my newfound hope back down to the dismal level it was before.

"We used to tell each other everything, maybe it's just a force of habit," I offered. "But I'm glad we're talking…even just a little. I've really missed you over the years."

He grimaced at me and I instantly knew that I said too much. _Shit. _

"Well, people grow apart and lose touch; that's just a normal part of life," he told me evenly. "You can't really ask your first grade teacher to help with a college assignment, now can you?"

I didn't really understand his analogy, but I knew it wasn't a good thing. "I think if you have a real bond with someone it doesn't ever go away," I said, getting just a tad bit upset. "Anyway, I'll put in your order, it shouldn't take long to be ready."

"I didn't tell you what I want," he protested.

"The Monster Burger with fries and a Coke, right?" I guessed.

He looked at me surprised; I knew him better than he cared to admit. "Uh, yeah…thanks."

"No problem."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

By the time Edward and Bree's food was ready, the daily lunch hustle had begun and I didn't have time to talk to them much more. After they finished they took off without saying goodbye, but Edward did leave a decent tip so I suppose that was something…although for whatever reason, it just made me angry. _Did he honestly think leaving me extra money would substitute for a proper goodbye? _

A couple days later, however, I was more than a little surprised to see Edward sitting at one of my tables, and this time he was alone.

"I thought you hated diner food?" I questioned while handing him a menu.

He blew out slowly making his cheeks puff and his unruly hair tousle slightly above his forehead. "I do. This place should be sued for giving heart-attacks."

"So…are you here to pick up something for Carlisle?" I asked.

"Nah, he only eats this crap when he's really stressed, and he's been pretty freaking happy lately…a little too happy actually, it's rather irritating."

I laughed once. "Okay, what are you doing here then?"

He opened his menu. "I'm here for lunch…The sub place was too crowded and I didn't want fast food or pizza."

"You sure you want to risk your health like this?" I joked. "I mean, twice in a week is surely going to send you back to the hospital."

He nodded as if it was a serious concern. "Maybe I'll just get the spinach salad."

"Wow, that's really a macho thing to eat," I teased. "Usually only desperate housewives concerned with their weight orders the spinach salad."

"Hey, spinach is one of the best things you can eat," he replied in a surprisingly playful tone. "It's no wonder 'macho men' consists of seventy percent of all heart disease patients."

"So…are you going for the salad, or the burger?"

He thought about it for a minute. "Burger…with a side salad."

I giggled. "Okay."

I went to the kitchen to put in his order and then helped some other customers, but it was strange, I could have sworn I felt his eyes on me every time my head was turned. It was sort of creepy and exhilarating at the same time.

"So, when do you get off today?" Edward asked me when I brought him his salad.

"Uh…around three, depending on how busy it is."

"And then what are your plans?"

My heart jumped, and I had to internally scold myself for being overly enthusiastic about his sudden interest in my day. "Well…I have some packing to do, but I may just push that off until tomorrow. Why?"

"Packing?" he asked confused, and then his mood darkened. "You're leaving? I thought you said you'd be sticking around for a while?"

_Shit. _

"I was…I mean, I planned to, but I've been waiting for a chance to get back on my feet - you know, out of my mom's house and all, and now I have this amazing opportunity to…"

"Well, good luck with that," he cut me off. "You know, I just remembered that I have a thing."

"A thing?" I questioned incredulously.

"Yeah, a thing with Emmett. He's going to be pissed that I'm late too. Do you mind wrapping up my burger so I can just take it with me?"

I let out an irritated huff. "Sure, no problem." I went to the kitchen and hurried his order, packed it in a to-go bag, rushed it out to him as quickly as possible, and then just dropped it on his lap. "That'll be eight ninety five. No need to tip," I said dryly. Perhaps it was a little immature of me, but his mood swing just ignited a mood swing of my own - and it was a mood that wasn't very tolerant of his shit.

He looked at me like he wanted to say something, maybe even smooth over my irritation with him, but instead he just fished out his wallet and threw down a twenty. He didn't wait for change.

My stomach twisted and there was an intense pain in my chest that I tried like hell to keep from consuming me. Really, this was nothing. He wasn't being mean like I expected, just…distant, with much thicker stone walls than what I had originally anticipated. I think the hardest part was knowing I didn't have long left in Forks. Seattle wasn't terribly far, and I planned on returning as often as I could to _"visit Renee",_ but would it be enough? Was I risking our future by leaving? It was an impossible situation and I just felt so helpless.

A few days later I completed my last day at the diner, and until the last minute of that last day, I still half-hoped Edward would bring Bree back in. It was a feeble hope, but I was still terribly disappointed when he never showed.

"Mom, I think I'm going to go get a hotel in Seattle for the night," I told Renee after I finished packing the following morning. I wasn't able to move into my apartment until the next afternoon, but I certainly didn't want to waste an entire day sitting at my mom's place doing nothing when I could be working on my bookstore. I needed to make connections, set up meetings with vendors, look into furniture, go over design plans, so on and so forth. I already had a woman lined up to supply me with fresh homemade muffins for the café, but there was so much left to do that my mind was absolutely spinning. But I did like feeling busy; being overwhelmed left little room to obsess about what I didn't have, so I chose to look at it as a positive.

"Oh no, you can't go, I have a special day planned for us today," Renee protested.

"You do?" I asked slightly disturbed.

"Yeah, I made us reservations at a day spa in Port Angeles, and then I figured we'd spend the rest of the day shopping and having some quality mother-daughter time."

Ugh! – _Was that groan out loud? _

I loved my mom, really I did, but the thought of spending an entire day shopping and spa-ing was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Oh don't give me that face!" Renee scolded me. "God, it's like you're some sullen teenager who can't be seen at the mall with your mother."

"No, mom, it's not that; I just have a ton of things I need to do for my store opening, and I just don't think I'd be able to relax."

"Stress is the exact reason why you need the spa. I use the same shower as you, Bella, I've seen all your hair in the drain. If you don't find a way to de-stress your life, you're going to go bald like Grandma Swan, and you really don't want to do that. Baldness in women isn't a very good look. We still need to get you married off a few times before you lose your looks."

I rolled my eyes at her, but since I couldn't think of a good enough excuse not to go, and it was obviously important to her, I grudgingly agreed. However as we were getting into her car to leave, I received a frantic text from Alice that nearly gave me a heart attack – '_Emergency at Edward's. Hurry!_'

I didn't even pause to think, I just reacted.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I have to go," I said in a rush as I frantically jumped back out of her car and headed for mine. Something had to have been terribly wrong for Alice to send me that message, and as I drove to Edward's apartment my mind was flooded with one horrifying scenario after another; Edward mysteriously fell back into his coma, he was in another accident, Bree was sick or she tripped and hit her head…_Then again, if there was such an emergency, wouldn't Alice just call nine-one-one?_

Suddenly my terrified concerns morphed into annoyance; I was fairly certain Alice's text was nothing more than a tactless attempt to meddle in or relationship, or in this case, our lack of a relationship. But because I was a little desperate and Alice knew this current version of Edward better than I did, I decided to just let her plan play out. Besides, on the off chance that there was a real emergency, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't go.

I had no idea what to expect, so my nerves spiked as I knocked on his door, but then…

"Hey," Edward said casually, but extremely surprised to see me there. "Uh…is everything okay?" he asked, probably concerned by my bewildered expression.

"Alice said there was an emergency here and I needed to 'hurry'," I explained.

He huffed. "Well, that's my meddling sister for you. She really has no boundaries."

"She's not even here, is she?" I asked knowingly.

"Nope."

"Bella!" Bree shouted from behind Edward. "Are you coming to the beach with us?"

"Uh…" I would actually love to go to the beach with them, plus anything would have been better than spa-day with Renee, but I highly doubted Edward would be up for my company.

"Please, oh please!" Bree begged. "I don't even want to go unless you come."

For a fraction of a moment Edward looked annoyed by Bree's request, but then he looked back at me and shrugged. "You wanna go?"

"Really? Uh…sure, if you don't mind."

So the next thing I knew, I found myself sitting in the front seat of a car, with Bree singing in the back and Edward's jaw set in a hard line as he drove. A small part of me felt bad for crashing their trip, but spending the day with them was the perfect opportunity to try to get Edward to remember what we had…even if it was just familiar feelings or a spark of déjà vu. I was leaving the next day, and even though I refused to give up, finding ways to get close to him would be that much more difficult. I needed that day, _we _needed it, and I wasn't going to let Edward's sourpuss attitude get in the way.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"So, why aren't you taking off your shirt?" I asked Edward with a smirk. "Are you shy?"

It was an unusually sunny day for the area, so after incessant begging from Bree, we finally agreed to put on bathing suits and get a little wet; of course, none of us actually brought bathing suits, so we stopped by the closest souvenir shop and picked some up. We had all changed in the bathrooms, but Edward had yet to remove his shirt which I thought was terribly amusing. He was never the bashful type.

"Nah, I just don't feel like walking around half naked," he replied casually.

"You _are_ shy!" I laughed, but then I suddenly realized something and automatically felt horrible about teasing him. He had been in a coma for over a month, perhaps he was uncomfortable with his current physique from not using his muscles for so long. "You know, no one cares what your body looks like," I told him gently.

He turned to me with his face scrunched humorlessly. "I have a fucking _awesome _body. My muscles may have softened a little when I was out of it, but I run every morning and I'm probably more fit now than I've ever been."

I smiled at him - _I couldn't help it, he was absolutely adorable in his playfully defensive arrogant rant_.

"Edward, Bella, look at me!" Bree called as she did cartwheels in front of us.

"Good job, sweetie!" I called back to her.

"Come splash with me!" she insisted.

Edward and I glanced at each other, and then we were both instantly in action. We ran towards Bree, and when Edward reached her he scooped her up and carried her to the waves. She screamed and giggled when he threatened to throw her in the water, and then she squealed for me – "Save me, Bella!" So I did the only logical thing there was to do, I pulled her out of Edward's arms and attempted to run with her back to the sandbank; of course that move just put us both in danger. Edward easily caught up to me, and in one swift motion he pulled all three of us down into the water. _Fuck, it was cold_.

We rushed back to our towels before we could catch hypothermia, and I couldn't help but tease Edward for the fact that he didn't have a dry shirt to change into. "I told you to take it off."

"I'll be fine," he said with chattering teeth. "I have a towel."

"Okay," I said, still clueless as to what his real issue could be.

A little while later, one of Bree's friends from school showed up with her family, so the two girls ran around for a while before settling down to make a giant princess sand castle, which pretty much left Edward and I alone in the first awkward silence of the day.

"So…you do look really good, your physical therapy must have been a success," I said, just trying to start some kind of conversation.

"It wasn't a big deal; I was in there with a guy with a spinal cord injury, now _he_ had it rough."

"Still, it must have been hard. I wish I could have come visit you…"

"So, I heard you're moving in a couple days?" he questioned, cutting me off.

"Tomorrow, actually…But I'm only moving to Seattle, so I'll still be here as often as possible."

He was quiet for a moment as if he was surprised my move wasn't more drastic, but then he huffed. "For how long? I mean, it's only a matter of time until something else comes along and you move again. Next time it could be out of the country, for all you know."

"I guess there aren't any guarantees, I certainly didn't expect to ever move back to Washington, but I'd like to stay in Seattle; you know, build a life and future." When he didn't respond whatsoever, I decided to ask him a question. "Well, what about you? I thought you were maybe planning to move to Seattle as well?"

"Who told you that?" he asked surprised.

"Um...I'm not sure, Alice maybe."

"I do have a connection for an EMT job there, but… I don't know. I think you and I are complete opposites in that department. You're constantly on the move, and I'm just…stagnant."

I smiled. "Well maybe I can get you to move just this once, and then you could get me to stay."

He stared at me and pressed his lips as if he was actually considering it, but then – "Hey, aren't you engaged, or something?"

"Huh?" I asked, truly baffled; it took me a few moments to actually figure out what he was talking about. "Oh, you mean Mike? _Renee really needs to stay out of my business_," I mumbled, remembering that Ethereal Edward had mentioned that Renee had told half the town that I was getting married long before Mike ever proposed. "No, I'm not now, or ever have been, engaged. Mike was just... a means of self-torture," I admitted. "Renee just hoped we'd get engaged, and she jumped the gun and told people she shouldn't have."

"Well I'm sure Renee would have preferred you to have a few marriages under your belt by now," he joked, but was completely accurate. "I mean, you're only a couple years shy of thirty, you're practically an old hag."

I giggled. "Yeah, in fact, just this morning she told me I needed to hurry up and get married because my looks were fading…or something like that."

He laughed once. "Obviously, she's delusional; you're only getting more beautiful as you get older."

My face flooded with heat, and for a moment I thought we were finally getting somewhere… I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy.

Bree ran back to us and asked Edward if I could go to their place for dinner, and he suddenly clamed up. "No, I don't think it's a good idea. Bella's moving tomorrow, I'm sure she has a lot of things left to do before then."

"Actually I'm done with everything, so I'm free for the rest of the night," I told him.

"Bree, go say goodbye to your friend," Edward instructed her.

"But…"

"Bree, now," he said sternly.

"Fine," she pouted, and then turned and headed back to her friend.

"Bella, look, I don't know what you're hoping for, but like I said before, I'm really not at a place in my life where I want any new _or renewed_ relationships of any kind. Bree really likes you, and because you're leaving I figured this would be a good opportunity for her to hang with you for a bit and say goodbye. I think anything further than this," he gestured towards the ocean, "would be too much. She doesn't need to get any more attached to you than she already is."

My stomach twisted. "But I'm coming back. I'll be here all the time, so visiting her won't be a problem. I really don't understand why you're so against us being friends."

"Because _we're_ not friends. You and I have a complicated past, and I honestly don't see how we _could_ be friends. It's awkward, and I'm surprised you don't seem to notice that." He took a deep breath. "Bree's about to enter the hard time; losing her mother is going to be the most difficult thing she'll ever go through, and I need to be concentrating on her, not distracted by having you around. I'm not dating right now, hell, I'm hardly seeing the friends I currently have; this…_whatever it is_, just isn't going to happen."

I looked down and started playing with a string on my towel. I just couldn't look at him out of fear he'd see the pain in my eyes. I didn't want him to know just how badly his words hurt, because I knew he didn't intend for them to. He had already told me as gently as possible that he didn't want to be around me, and that didn't make him a jerk, it just made him honest….well, as honest as he thought he could be. I still didn't have a doubt that he loved me deep down, and that was the hardest part of it all; I could have just walked away if he didn't.

The drive home was quiet, to say the least. Bree fell asleep before we even turned onto the highway, and Edward and I didn't speak until he pulled into his apartment complex parking lot. "Well, thanks for letting me tag along, I had fun," I said uncomfortably.

"Bella, I really am sorry…and I'm not just talking about for today. I was a prick to you all those years ago, and you never deserved that."

"It was a long time ago," I said quietly.

"It was, but I think it took away our chance at closure. We had a…_unique_ relationship, but it was intense and important, and I absolutely hate that it all ended like that. I'm sorry…again."

I nodded. "I'm sorry too. I should have never run away; I should have gone back and faced you, but I was a coward."

"That's not being a coward, that's being smart," he said unexpectedly. "I pushed you away, and you had every right to not put up with it."

"But we can't go back and change anything, so…"

"So let's just…say goodbye," he murmured.

Could I do it? Could I just say goodbye? I couldn't force myself on him, so how was I supposed to convince him we belonged together when he told me flat out, on more than one occasion, that he didn't want a relationship. Perhaps it wasn't giving up at all to take a step back, perhaps Edward was right, perhaps it wasn't a good time for us and if I was patient, fate would bring us back together. _Wasn't there a saying about loving someone and setting them free?_ We were brought together by a force greater than us, so I had to believe it would happen again. It was all I could do.

"Goodbye…" I whispered back to him. "Please hug Bree for me."

I felt sick. I wasn't the type to raise my hands on a rollercoaster and trust the belts to keep me safe. I wanted to be in action and take control, and yet, I had no control in the situation whatsoever.

Selfishly I allowed myself to wallow in regret for a few minutes – Ethereal Edward was right to not want to go back to his body, he knew it would separate us. But a few minutes after that I let that regret fizzle away – Bree needed Edward, it wouldn't have been right to knowingly take him away from her. Edward and I were soul mates and we would be together eventually, whether it was in this life or the next. I could wait, I had no other choice. _Still hurt like hell though_.

I wasn't sure which felt worse - when I found out Edward was in a coma and I had only reconnected with his spirit, or trying to accept the fact that life may keep us apart. Once again I found myself locked in my bedroom in my mother's house, just bawling uncontrollably. I would stay focused, I would keep moving forward with my business and my life, but I knew my heart would always be locked away until Edward finally decided to claim it.

As if things couldn't possibly get worse, that same evening I got a professional blow to match my personal one – I was informed that there was a potential issue with the building structure of my bookstore – which in turn meant_ no bookstore_, and I was looking at the possibility of once again, having nothing.

My entire world was caving in around me, and I couldn't handle it. I needed something to help ease the pain, and for the first time I understood why some people turned to drugs. It was unbearable, and if I didn't figure out a way to release the tension I was surely going to implode.

I looked around my room for something to help - maybe a good book to distract me or even my iPod to blare music into my head and drown out my grief, but everything was packed away and I was left feeling claustrophobic in my little empty room. I needed to get out, I needed some fresh air, but when I got outside, I was hit with the nights freezing chill and it only made my nerves that much worse. So I got in my car and just started driving around aimlessly. The little town was mostly empty at that time of night, so it was easy to zone-out and still navigate the streets.

And then, without even trying to do so, I found myself parked at Edward's apartment again. It made sense that my subconscious would take me there, as children we had always turned to each other in times of distress, and I could feel that same level of need pulling me towards him again. Edward was my other half, every inch of my being knew he was the only remedy to my pain; I could handle anything if he was beside me.

But he made his feelings clear, so I tried to force myself to leave. I mentally called myself every derogatory name in the book – pathetic, obsessed, psychotic, moron, idiot, loser…but none of it stopped me from getting out of my car. I was way past desperate. Edward was the source of my greatest pain, but he was also my medication. He was my drug; I was addicted to him and after more than a decade of sobriety, I was relapsing.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I stood in front of Edward's apartment for what felt like hours, just begging my unaccommodating legs to carry me back to my car. "He doesn't want you, Bella," I whispered, but I suppose that was the real reason why I couldn't convince myself to leave, every inch of my body and soul knew that was a lie. He _did_ want me, even if he couldn't admit it to himself.

His ethereal self had been persistent and annoyed the hell out of me until I let him in, was that what he needed from me in return? – But I already knew the answer to that, of course he didn't. Edward was different than me, I honestly knew with all my heart that he needed time and space, but that fact didn't stop me from moving forward.

I knocked lightly, terrified he'd hear and actually open the door, but then I realized that it was probably pretty freaken late. I had driven around for a long time, and god only knew how long I had been standing in front of his door for, so I did the worst thing imaginable…I kneeled down and pulled the spare key out from under his mat.

"Don't be an idiot, Bella, put it back," I said to myself as I brought the key up to the lock. "This goes way beyond stalking," I added as I put the key in and turned it. In a split second I decided I had gone far enough into pathetic insanity, so I intended to re-lock the door and leave, but somehow the door seemed to open on its own - and it didn't just open a little, it swung fast and wide as if it had been pushed hard by some unknown force. "Uh…"

I peeked inside, half expecting Edward to be looking out at me with a pissed expression, but it was dark; either he wasn't home, or he was already in bed. I knew I should have left at that point, but I just couldn't, the pain in my chest was unbearable and I needed to find some sort of relief or I'd never even make it till morning.

I went inside and shut the door softly behind me, and as I walked in the dark towards his bedroom, I suddenly felt like a kid again - sneaking through the blackness of the Cullen house towards the light that only Edward could give me. He was my salvation back then, and he was the only thing that could get me through the pains of now.

As I passed by Bree's room, I peered in and saw that she wasn't there, but for whatever reason, I knew Edward was still home; I could feel his spiritual pull on me, luring me towards him.

His bedroom door was open, and the moment my eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to see his sleeping form, I went on autopilot. I didn't pause or hesitate, I just slid into his bed next to him…and the jostle made his eyes pop right open. "Bella? Wha…"

I didn't give him a chance to question my presence, but he didn't really need to anyway; the moment my hand was in his pants, he knew.

To anyone else it would have been crazy. To a normal person it couldn't possibly make sense. But Edward understood, and I knew instantly that he wasn't going to stop it from happening. He would never turn me away in that state, just as I would have never turned him away. The intimate touching was our comfort, our normal, even if we weren't a couple, even if we weren't friends; we would always be there for each other in that way.

His face was tense and his body was ridged, but it didn't stop him from growing hard in my hand. He didn't say a word as I began stroking him, but less than a minute later he broke. With a huff, he unfastened my pants and pushed his hand under the elastic of my underwear. The moment his fingers sunk into my folds, relief flooded his features and his body visibly relaxed as if he had been aching for that contact just as much as I was. We had both been holding our breaths for so long, and with that connection, we could finally breathe again.

Like when we were kids, the touching wasn't sexual; it was comfort and alleviation from life's hardships, but unlike when we were kids, it didn't stay that way. The relief of it was short-lived because it wasn't long before the touching wasn't enough. He began pumping his fingers in and out of me to the rhythm of my strokes, but then his face tensed again and I could feel the pressure growing within me as well. We both needed more.

I didn't voice my desire, and he didn't ask permission, he just pulled his hands out of my pants, pushed mine out of his, and then pulled off our clothes. He rolled over me, and didn't pause before thrusting himself right inside, making me gasp from the unexpected feeling of it.

Emotionally and spiritually it was completely familiar in the way that anyone would feel when they came home after a long time away, but physically it was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I had lost my virginity to Edward ten years prior; emotions had run high but somatically it was uncomfortable and somewhat of a blur in my memory. Since then, sex had always been more of a chore with my partners, something I would just zone out of until it was over…and then there was Ethereal Edward. Being physically intimate with a spiritual being had felt so real and the most amazing feeling I ever had up until then, but in that moment I realized that it was more like a dream – it felt real at the time, but while in the tangible world the mind could distinguish the difference.

Nothing I had ever experienced before was more real than what I was currently feeling. Every time he pushed into me I could actually feel my opening widen to accommodate him, which was followed by a sensation of emptiness when he'd withdraw that lasted only as long as it took for him to plunge back in. The tension in his muscles as his body moved against mine, the sweet scent of his skin, the saltiness of his sweat…I never cared enough to notice such things with anyone else, but I was certain that if I had, no one would ever remotely compare to the gloriousness of Edward.

The cadence of his thrusts escalated, which caused a low moan deep inside his chest…and then he stiffened and I could feel his warmth rushing inside of me. I wasn't sure how long it actually lasted for, but it definitely wasn't nearly long enough. Thankfully, after taking a few minutes to catch his breath, he went right back to it. Pushing and pounding as I held on with every ounce of energy as I was capable of. My climax came fast and hard, and the fact that he kept pumping through it made it that much more intense. My toes curled and my body trembled, even the hair on my head seemed to stand and take notice of the sensation radiating through me. A hot numbness pulsated from an epicenter at my core, and every muscle within me went limp.

He must have come again, because he collapsed on top of me and just laid there for an undefinable amount of time. I expected him to start questioning me then, but he didn't say a word…and neither did I. We just stared at each other, lost in our own thoughts, but my desire for him wasn't satisfied, and apparently I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Suddenly he rolled back on top of me and the entire thing started over. We couldn't get enough of each other, and for the rest of the night it continued that way; we'd have sex, then just stare at each other like we couldn't believe it was actually happening, and then have sex again. Occasionally we'd nap in between, but we always stayed as close as possible and end up waking to have even more intense sex than the previous ones.

Finally the love marathon was too much for our bodies to continue with, and we ended up falling asleep until the sun flooded the room the next morning….but when I opened my eyes and looked around for him, I was suddenly overcome with the most horrifying déjà vu I had ever experienced… Edward was gone.

* * *

*****A/N: Spoiler Alert-** please don't hate Edward for being "gone", trust me, it's not what you think. A heart to heart is coming next :)


	31. Chapter 31

***A/N: So I intended to keep this story around 600 to 1,000 words per chapter, however it's ended up being anywhere between 500 to 2,200 (I guess I'm not too good at pacing, LOL). This chapter actually goes well beyond that number. I considered splitting it into two, but I thought _what the hell_. Hope it's not too much ;)

* * *

Chapter 31

I didn't have any expectations of grandeur when I went there the night before. I needed him. I needed the comfort that only his touch could give, but in no way did I think it would solve our issue. I was sure Edward still didn't want a relationship, and for now I had to accept it…but accepting it and allowing him to just leave without any type of conversation was two different things. I needed to talk to him, and I refused to leave until I did.

I got out of bed and then dressed, but a wave of anxiety suddenly hit me like a tsunami; last time I woke up in his bedroom alone he disappeared for days before I finally learned about his coma. _What if I was still confused and stuck in some sort of delusion or otherworldly phenomenon?_ To be perfectly honest, perhaps a part of me would have preferred something unexplainable like that over the possibility that Edward just ditched me without a word. Of course, I was in his apartment, so I suppose he'd have to come back sooner or later.

I crossed the room to the door, and mentally noted the odd fact that it was shut…_Why would he shut me in if he had left the apartment? _I opened the door slowly and was grateful it didn't squeak, and then I tiptoed out, though I had no idea why I was trying to be quiet.

And then I heard hushed voices, and I automatically froze. The last thing I wanted to do was eavesdrop, but I couldn't force myself to go back to the bedroom either, so I stayed right where I was and prayed they didn't catch me there…

"I just don't want to see you lose it again, that's all," a man's voice I didn't recognize said quietly.

"You know, this is highly unorthodox," I heard Edward say jokingly, but there was definite tension laced in his voice. "It's not normal for therapists to just show up at their patient's home."

"You're the one who called me," the man argued.

"Yeah, because I needed a little pep talk, but I didn't expect you to come," Edward said in a low rush. "She's still here. What the hell am I supposed to say if she sees you?"

"Look Edward, don't think of me as your therapist, right now I'm just here as your friend, and I have to tell you, I'm worried."

"And you think I'm not?" Edward hissed. "Come on, Jasper, I know exactly what's at stake here. I'm not going to fuck things up for Bree, I can't."

_Jasper?_ – Was Alice's boyfriend really Edward's therapist, and what was all that about a 'pep talk'?

"So…you're okay?" Jasper asked concerned.

"For crying out loud. I'm fine, now please go."

"Call me if you need _anything_," Jasper insisted.

"Thanks Jazz," Edward said sounding irritated. "Next time I need you to come hold my hand, I'll let you know."

"Do you want a kiss goodbye?" Jasper joked.

"Only if you want vomit in your mouth."

"I've had worse."

"Goodbye Jasper," Edward said again, and then a few seconds later I heard the front door shut. I meant to go run back to bed and pretend I didn't hear anything, but instead I just stood there and waited for him to round the corner. Lying about my eavesdropping would have been counterproductive; it was time to get everything out in the open.

"Hey," he said when he saw me standing there. "I didn't know you were awake."

"You weren't in bed, so I just came out to look for you."

"Yeah, Jasper stopped by," he said uncomfortably. "He's giving Alice a run for her money with the meddling."

I smiled half-heartedly. "He sounded concerned?"

"Well, I've – uh, had issues in the past, and he's my therapist…He's sort of the one who got me through it all."

"I think everyone could benefit from therapy these days," I told him. He nodded as a response, and then looked around the hall we were standing in, as if he was hoping to find a way to escape my presence. It was then that I noticed the way he was dressed. He had on a pair of sweats and a white wife-beater tank, which left little to the imagination as far as his body structure went. He was obviously very well-toned with absolutely nothing anyone would ever be embarrassed about showing off….and there were definitely some tattoos.

"Wow, you've got quite a few tats," I said, hoping he'd let me take a closer look. It had been too dark to really see anything the night before, but even if it was brighter I probably wouldn't have noticed the art on his skin in the state we were in. Currently, I was more than a little curious, especially since Alice had made a big deal about them.

"Uh…yeah, I spent most of my early twenties getting plastered. I made a lot of bad decisions," he said with an awkward chuckle before walking past me back into his bedroom.

I followed him. "Nothing looks bad that I can see," I told him as we both sat on his bed. "What's this?" I asked as I pointed to his shoulder.

"The Cullen Crest. I figured I wasn't biologically a Cullen, so I should do something _to show my ties to the family_," he explained in his best 'Godfather' impersonation.

"That's cool," I assured him with a slight giggle as I looked over the other tats I could see. He had a lion head, a couple decorative skulls, something written in Italian, and a few other little random things. And then I hesitantly pulled down his shirt a little in the back to see that his shoulder blade had what looked like a pile of burning books with a phoenix coming out of the flames. _Uh…_ "What's that about?"

He shook his head. "I was drunk _a lot_."

I laughed again. As much as I thought I wasn't into the tattoo thing, for the first time I could see the appeal because Edward looked sexy as hell with them. None of his tattoos went below his upper arms, _obviously so he could wear his short sleeved EMT shirt and not have anything showing_, and they seemed to follow his toned physique perfectly. They really were amazing works of art that seemed deeply personal and reflected who he was, but the one that caught my attention the most was the one I couldn't see well, which was peeking out of his tank on the left side of his chest.

"What's that one?" I asked curiously.

"It's nothing," he said before quickly standing up and moving away from me. "Look, Bella…"

"I know," I cut him off, already knowing he was about to give me the same speech he had already given me twice before. He didn't want a relationship, and I wasn't there to ask him for one. I had already accepted that it wasn't a good time for us and one day fate would bring us back together; going there and making love to him was just a way to get me through the horrible night. "I know your feelings haven't changed since yesterday."

"No, they haven't," he replied gently, and then he said the last thing I ever expected – "I love you…and that's never changed and never will."

I was flabbergasted. I already knew he loved me, but I honestly thought he buried it so deeply that he just didn't realize it; hearing him easily admit it like that made me start to question everything again. _Maybe I really was imagining him after all_. If he knew he loved me, then why did he insist on us not having a relationship? Was he so afraid that I'd leave again that he wasn't even willing to give us a try?

"Edward, I'm just moving to Seattle…And I'm staying there. I'm done running away. I promise, you can trust me."

He sighed heavily. "It's not even really about you leaving…I mean, I thought it was at one time, but this goes way beyond that. Bella, I don't just love you, I was_ obsessed_ with you for a very long time. Not just a little obsessed, I was…self-destructive because of it. You seriously fucked me up…and I'm not saying it was your fault or something you did, but just your presence in my life. Jasper compared my issues to someone who was sexually abused."

"He thinks I abused you?" I asked incredulously.

"No, _god no_, that's not what I meant. It's just, neither of us was emotionally ready for the type of things we used to do, but it became a way for me to cope with all the issues I already had. And like with most kids exposed to that sort of thing too young, I came to think of sexual encounters as something other than…well, _sex_."

"That's how it was for me too," I told him.

"I know…but I think you must've just had a better grasp on things and learned how to handle it more than I did. When our parents divorced I was a fucking mess. I spent that entire summer alone in my room just staring at the walls. Carlisle eventually got fed up and told me he was going to send me away to some mental hospital if it continued…So I buried all my emotions as deep as they could go, and I pretended everything was okay."

"But it wasn't okay," I said, already knowing he did things back then he wasn't proud of.

He shook his head no. "I used to ride my bike to your house, and then just sit under your window all night. Sometimes I would climb the tree like a fucking creeper, just to get as close to you as possible."

"Why didn't you just talk to me about it?"

"I don't know, because I was seriously fucked up. Carlisle had me believing that relationships don't last, and I knew if we were around each other again that I'd never be able to handle losing you for a second time. So I convinced myself that I didn't need you; that I was in control of everything…but there wasn't a day at school when I wouldn't look for you in the halls…just to know you were close. And every single Saturday and Sunday I would ride my bike or drive my car past your house. I even refused to go on trips with my friends on the weekends because it would stop me from going by your place."

"You never had a weekend away for our entire time at high school?" I questioned.

"Nope, and the couple times I knew you were gone I'd sit at home and have panic attacks. It was like I was living this double life; outwardly I was the guy everyone wanted to hang with, all the girls wanted to date…but it was all just a ruse. I didn't give a shit what people thought of me, but if Carlisle knew I was fucking crazy he was going to move me away, and I couldn't fathom being that far from you. So I made friends, had girlfriends, I even got to the point where I believed I was over you - the daily need to be close to you was just a habit, something I did unconsciously…that's what I told myself."

"And then graduation?" I asked. Ethereal Edward had tried to explain what happened on graduation before to me, but it had almost seemed like he wasn't even sure. It had been a mental issue that caused his betrayal that day, which I supposed wasn't something the soul could properly comprehend.

"It just…all caught up to me. That night I was feeling scared and nervous, not knowing what was going to happen since we wouldn't be going to school together anymore…and I lost control."

And then he confessed another mind-blowing secret that I never expected…

"Bella, I've been with other women… both in high school and in the years since…but I've never been able to…uh…_come_ without thinking about you. So when we had sex after graduation, it was like, for the first time I could actually be in the moment…I wasn't with some chick while thinking about you…and it nearly blew my fucking world apart. I wanted to just stay with you that night, but I was too fucking terrified because I constantly had Carlisle's pessimism ringing in my ear, so I knew I needed to do something drastic to stop my obsession for you from consuming me again. I kissed that chick just to prove to myself that I could…it didn't work; it only made me sick and hate myself even more than I already did. But it did succeed in doing what I intended it to do…It drove us apart. I knew you saw it, so I didn't have to worry about keeping myself away from you; you left… I just never thought…I didn't expect you to leave permanently. It wasn't fair to you, but like I said, I was fucked up and needed it both ways. I needed you at arm's length…but you were just…gone."

"So…what happened since then?" I asked, completely reeling from everything he just told me but still unsure as to what his current issue was.

"After you left, everything turned for the worse. I moved out of Carlisle's so I wouldn't risk him threatening to have me committed again, I blew my college scholarship and refused to go to school to become a doctor like I had originally planned. Sometimes my friends would drag me out and I'd end up getting wasted and they'd have to carry me home. I got into drugs pretty hard…There was a five year period there where I just wasted away."

"So…what changed?" I asked quietly.

"It happened slowly…Carlisle decided he wasn't' going to let me self-destruct anymore, so he made it his mission to save me. He locked me in his house and forced me to get cleaned up…He had some wacko psychologist come every day to try and figure out what the hell was wrong with me…_but I refused to say a word to that guy_. He cut me off financially so I couldn't afford drugs and booze anymore, and I had no choice but to live with him. Somewhere along the way he met and married Esme, which seemed to help both of us. Alice moved in with her mom and basically vowed to not leave me alone until I opened up to her….I don't even remember how or why I gave in, but it was nice to get a little of it off my chest. When Bree came into my life, Alice convinced me to talk to her boyfriend Jasper about everything so that I could better myself for her, and I think he's helped me learn to control myself a bit more…But he knows I'm always just a moment away from sinking again. Seeing the littlest thing that reminds me of you can throw me into this funk that will last for days at a time…"

"Seeing something that reminds you of me?" I asked quietly, remembering how Ethereal Edward told me about how he used to pass by the bookstore in Seattle and think of me. It was all starting to make sense now…

_As if he could read my mind_ – "There's this old rundown bookstore in Seattle that would make me think of you every time I saw it…. But there were a ton of things - tree houses, meadows in the woods, the smell of lavender or strawberry shampoo, popsicles…I mean, anything that was attached to a memory I had of you would set me off."

"Most people can have visual cues or smells associated to certain memories," I told him.

"Bella, the level I've taken everything to isn't normal. People don't spin out of control like that over losing their childhood friend. I reacted like you died, or something. It's a mental issue that I struggle with; I've been told that I'm OCD and bipolar, so I don't want you to think for a moment that it's anything you did…but to be honest, nothing or no one else has ever set off that type of all-consuming obsession in me like you have. I've kept it at bay for a while, but I can feel it coming back now…every time I see you, every second I spend in this room with you, it's growing. I dream about you every night, I see your face when I close my eyes; hell, I thought I was dreaming when I first saw you here last night. When I heard you were engaged, I nearly lost it completely. It's just…not healthy. I can't lose it again like I did before, I can't fuck up when I have Bree to take care of."

"But…what if we stay together?" I asked. "What if there was no risk of us ever separating? If you knew I wasn't going anywhere, if you could take me for granted, maybe everything would be fine."

He shook his head. "I'm…not right. Even now I have to keep reminding myself over and over again why I can't just lock you in my closet and never let you out…My obsession would only grow if you stayed, and I have no idea how far it would go. I love you, and honestly I wish I could just take you to some deserted island somewhere and let the rest of the world disappear…but I can't."

"But we belong together," I murmured. I actually felt horrible. Lower than low. Edward had some real issues that revolved around me, and although I knew it wasn't my fault, the fact that I pushed myself on him that hard probably just set him back.

Edward stared at me for a long moment, and then he sighed and unexpectedly stepped towards me. He cradled my face gently in his hands, and then leaned in and kissed me. It was odd that we hadn't kissed during our all night escapade, but having his physical lips on mine like that was beyond amazing. It started out tender and sweet, and then it deepened into an intense emotional kiss that felt far too much like goodbye.

All too soon he pulled back, but kept my face in his hands. "I need you to let me let you go…Not forever, just for now. Give me a little time to concentrate on Bree and get her though this rough time ahead of her. Just…let me figure out a way to maintain control and find some sort of balance. I need to fix this obsession if I'm ever going to love you the way you deserve. Just…wait for me. If I know you're waiting and we have a chance, maybe I can finally come out of this."

Once again, my stomach twisted and my chest ached, but there was no way I could ever turn down his request. Like I already knew, he just needed time, and I had to love him enough to give it to him.

"I'll always be waiting for you," I told him sincerely; a sentiment that I meant with every fiber of my being. "But only if you show me the tattoo on your chest," I added as seriously as possible given the unserious demand.

A smile spread across his face, but his eyes remained wary. "Okay, but don't freak."

"Why would I freak?" I asked confused.

He pulled his shirt over his head, and I was left with my mouth hanging wide. On the left side of his chest was the picture of a _swan_…a black swan to be exact, with its long neck folded around a human heart. The body of the swan faded into the dark misty background, but the parts that were visible were wrapped in thorn covered vines which stretched up and around the bird's neck and the human heart. I could almost see the pain behind the piece - it was both heartbreaking and mesmerizingly beautiful.

"I know it's a bit disturbing," he said after a minute. "I was in a dark place when I drew it."

"Wait, you drew this?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah, and then the tattoo guy had it turned into a stencil which he then _permanently placed on my chest_ to remind me every day just how sick and twisted my mind really is," he said lightly.

"And now you regret it?"

He took a deep breath. "No. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable with it… Don't get me wrong, this tattoo has nothing to do with you, I just really like that movie '_Black Swan'_," he joked, obviously trying to lighten the moment. "Your last name is just a coincidence."

"Of course it is," I replied with a smile. I then reached out and caressed the swan with my fingertips, which caused Edward to close his eyes and lightly moan from the innocent but electrically charged contact. "I think it's beautiful," I assured him, and then I noticed something else. "Is that my name?" I asked surprised. Under the swan it read 'Isabella' in such a way that it almost disappeared into the background…but it was definitely there.

"Like I said, I was pretty fucked up when I got it," he said sheepishly.

I ran both my hands up his chest, over his shoulder blades, up the sides of his neck, and finally let them tangle into the back of his hair. He lowered his head to rest against mine, and we just stayed there like that for a time.

"I love you," I whispered. "And I'll wait for as long as you need… I'll wait forever."

"I don't want you to wait forever. I swear to you Bella, I'm going to get it together."

I nodded and then I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss him. We kissed intensely and passionately, and then I moved my hands so that my arms were wrapped around him tightly, and he hugged me securely in return. After a few more minutes I pulled back to kiss him again, and then we both let go and took a few steps apart. If we didn't pull away right then I was sure we would have just stayed like that forever, but we needed to do the responsible thing. We both needed time to take care of some things in order to fix our lives and be ready to completely merge together irrevocably.

I had to believe we'd make it…otherwise I would have never been able to force myself to leave his side for a moment. But I didn't really have a doubt anymore; he loved me and was going to fight to be with me, and that was all that anyone could ask for.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Stress. That was what opening a business was. Every little issue, every decision, every task that needed to be handled, it was all stressful, and at times I wondered why the hell I was even trying. But then suddenly something would go right_, like the building structure problem being an easy fix_, and I was just one step closer to my goal. At the end of the day, it wasn't a bookstore that I was working on; it was the foundation for my future, so I suppose every bump in the road was worth it.

Constantly being stressed about the store also had another benefit; it didn't allow me much time to stress about my personal life, which in my situation was definitely a good thing. There was nothing I could do for Edward except be patient. Thankfully, I didn't have to be as patient as I had anticipated; two weeks after moving to Seattle, I started receiving texts…

**Why is there always traffic in Downtown Forks? This place only has a few thousand people, are they all here right now?** – _E_

I smiled at my phone.

**That dollar store sure is popular** – _B_

He never sent anything deep or even really serious, and he never went into details about his therapy or his plight to overcome his issues, but each text was like a beacon of hope; he was getting better, I could just feel it.

**Just helped carry a six hundred pound man out of his third floor apartment…with no elevator** – _E_

I smiled at my phone again. I always seemed to smile at his texts regardless of what they said.

**And that was hard for you? Guess you need to work out more ;p** - _B_

**:|** - _E_

**Next time just have Bree come help you, I'm sure she could have handled it without complaining** – _B_

**No, she would have just asked the man why he ate so much. The other day she asked an amputee why he didn't want his leg anymore** – _E_

I giggled.

**Gotta love kids, they always say whats on their mind** – _B_

**She told Emmett that his muscles looked like he stuffed pillows under his skin**. – _E_

**Well, they kind of do** – _B_

**Definitely** – _E_

…

"Oh, is that your boyfriend texting you?" Angela, one of my new employees, asked as we were unpacking a shipment of books.

"Uh…yeah," I replied, unsure what else to call him. If I said I was single, the three girls who worked for me would have a field day on trying to hook me up with someone. They were just those types of girls.

"Hey, you know, we should go out one of these days. Like a double date thing," Angela suggested. "My boyfriend could really use some new guy friends anyway, so maybe he could hit it off with your guy."

"Oh…uh, well I don't think I really have time. I'm just too busy with the bookstore," I replied semi-honestly.

"Oh, come on. The grand opening is this weekend, so why don't we go celebrate afterwards?"

"Um…well, maybe. I'll ask him," I said politely, figuring I could just bail out later.

"Okay, cool."

We worked on the store practically non-stop through the week, and when the grand opening finally happened, I was shocked by the outcome. The place was packed, and there was even a line waiting to get inside. It wasn't a perfect opening – the computers glitched, we ran out of muffins, and no one could seem to find the best seller's section, but regardless of the insignificant problems, I was thrilled by everything and I allowed myself to be a little proud. One good day didn't ensure longevity, but I refused to worry about that yet.

After we closed for the evening I wanted nothing more than to go home and just hit the sheets, but my team refused to allow it.

"Hey, did I miss your boyfriend today?" Angela asked as we were cleaning up.

"No, uh, he couldn't make it. In fact, he's out of town so we won't be able to go out with you this evening. Sorry I didn't let you know sooner."

"No problem. Let's just have a girl's night," she said eagerly. "Lauren, Tia, we're going out tonight, want to come?" she called to the other girls.

They were all in, and as much as I wished I could blow them off, I couldn't think of a good enough excuse. I was never one to 'go out' so I had no idea what to wear, but I did have a little black dress that Renee had insisted that I buy for times like this, so I pulled off the tag and was ready just in time for the girls to pick me up.

"Wow, you do have a good figure. None of us were sure since you always wear baggy clothes," Lauren said from the back seat as I got in the car.

"Uh…thanks. So where are we going?"

"Well, if we were single we'd go to The Stryder night club, there are always a ton of hot guys there," Tia told me, "but my boyfriend refuses to let me go there anymore, so I vote for The Olympic."

"Oh yeah, that would be fun," Lauren agreed.

"What's that?" I asked clueless.

"It's another nightclub, but not as raunchy," Angel explained.

"Okay," I said, wishing more than anything I could get out of it.

When we got there, it was exactly what I feared it would be; loud and crowded, but everyone was having a great time except for me. On top of being tired, Edward hadn't texted me all day and I was feeling a little down about it.

The girls all started doing shots, and I grudgingly participated with the first one, but I really didn't want to get plastered so I offered to buy the next round of drinks, that way I could control what I had. When I was waiting to get the bar tender's attention however, I was unwelcomingly hit on.

"So I have a bet with my buddies that I would be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful chick here," the guy said with a suave smirk. "Wanna buy some drinks with their money?" He was actually a good looking guy and if I was unattached and desperate I might have even take the bait, but as it was, I just got annoyed.

"Wow, do you use that line every time you go to a bar?" I asked him irritated.

"Not every time…just when I see a woman that's particularly beautiful," he replied.

"Okay, so here's what I suggest. I'm going to continue to wait here until the bartender helps me, and you can continue to hit on me, but since I'm not going to pay attention you, why don't you stop wasting your time and go talk to that woman over there," I told him shamelessly.

"You're kind of a bitch, aren't you?" the guy asked sourly, but then he smiled. "I like that. If you change your mind about that drink, I'll be right over there."

"Don't hold your breath," I said with my best 'fuck you' smile.

I turned my back to him and then smacked the bar top with my hand to get the bartender's attention, but it was so damn loud in there that he still didn't notice. And then I was hit on again, which gave me the same reaction as the first one. By the time the third guy came up to me from behind, I was beyond irritated….but my irritation quickly dissipated when this guy took his shot….

"If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents."

My heart jumped. I didn't see his face, but I'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Sorry, but I don't' fall for cheesy one-liners," I said, hardly able to control myself from turning and molding my body to his permanently.

"That's too bad, I have at least fifty more I could use on you," he replied with a clear smirk in his voice.

I finally turned around to face him, and I actually lost my balance and had to step back to prevent myself from falling over from the glorious sight of him. There just weren't proper words to describe his beauty.

"Well, why don't you try a few more and we'll see what happens," I suggested with my best seductive grin.

"If I had a star for every time you've brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand," Edward said without missing a beat.

I bit my lower lip to prevent a smile from spreading across my face. "Give me another one."

He grinned. "If nothing lasts forever, can I be your nothing?"

_Okay, so that one was cute_. So I forced my face to straighten, and then I shrugged. "Sure, why not."

He smiled again. "So…what do you say I buy you a drink?"

I ached to touch him, but I made myself hold back and continue with the charade a bit more. "I suppose there's nothing wrong with that."

Edward was much better at getting the bartender to listen than I was, so after he bought us some drinks, we took them to the most private table available…and then we just stared and smiled at each other for a few minutes.

"Are you really here?" I finally asked.

He laughed once. "If anyone is imagining things, it's me."

"I doubt that. I actually have a history of seeing you when you're not really there," I told him honestly. "In fact, we had an entire relationship while you were in a coma." I said it jokingly, but he narrowed his eyes at me as if he thought I was serious and was questioning my sanity. "I'm kidding," I lied quickly, not wanting to freak him out. Perhaps one day I'd gently confess our corporal/ethereal union, but definitely not while everything was so shaky.

"I know," he told me, but didn't look too confident.

"So…what are you doing here?" I asked him curiously as I sat on my hands to prevent them from going rogue and attacking him. My fingertips were just itching to run along his perfect jawline, but for whatever reason, I knew I needed to wait.

"Bachelor party," he said unexpectedly while pointing to a group of guys at a table adjacent to us. "That's my buddy, Liam… He's getting married tomorrow not far from here, so we're just trying to celebrate his last day of freedom."

"Oh, well that sounds fun," I told him. "So, how long are you going to be in the area?" I asked as casually as possible.

"Just overnight. The wedding is in the morning and I'll head home afterwards. But, I did get here earlier today and had a chance to walk around the city on my own for a bit. I just happened to walk by that old bookstore I told you about before, and guess what?"

Suddenly the butterflies awaked in my stomach and flew around madly.

"Someone actually bought the place and re-opened it," he continued with a knowing smirk. "I walked through, and it looks absolutely incredible. I think a _congratulations_ is in order."

"Why didn't you tell me you were there?" I asked wishing I would have seen him and we could have spent some time together.

"You looked really busy and I didn't want to get in the way."

"You wouldn't have been in the way," I said, trying to fight back a sudden bought of tears. Even if I didn't know he was there, having him at my grand opening meant so much more than I ever would have expected.

"Actually, I wasn't supposed to see you…and I really shouldn't be standing here talking to you right now," he said unexpectedly. "Jasper has me on some_, I don't know_, program or something. It's like a twelve step Bella detox."

"Oh." My heart jumped, but this time it wasn't the good kind. "Should I go?"

"What? No way. I didn't plan on coming to see you, so it's not either of our faults we were coincidentally in the same place at the same time. If you weren't so busy at the bookstore I probably would have said hi then too, but I guess this is better since we have a few minutes to talk."

"Are you sure?"

"Hell yeah. Hanging out with you casually is one of the steps anyway…we're just pushing it forward a little."

"So, what are the steps?" I asked, then immediately regretted it. I certainly didn't want to seem pushy.

"Well, first I had to cut off all communication with you for a few weeks, and then I could text, but it had to stay simple, and next I'll be able to call, and then there's like three more steps I have to do personally before I can hang out with you in a group setting. Eventually I can ask you on a date, and then I'm supposed to leave you alone for a week before I ask you out again."

"But what's the point to it?" I asked, just trying to understand the program.

"It's to break my obsession tendency and just try to start over with a healthier relationship. Jasper said that I need to learn to be around you, but not freak out when you leave, and that I have to stop being intimate with you as a means of comfort….You know, I'm really starting to think the program is bullshit."

I giggled. "I don't think Jasper would have you try it if it isn't known to help people."

"I sort of think he just made it up; I should really seek a second opinion. I mean, doesn't everyone find some level of comfort from having sex with someone they love?"

"I think it must be about finding a more balanced level of comfort," I said while thinking about my own experience in using intimate touching with him as a means of comfort. I understood his obsession because I definitely felt it too, but perhaps he was right in saying that I just had a better handle on mine. "I think communication is important. Life is hard, and we can't solve everything with hand jobs."

He scrunched his face humorously. "Why not?"

He was obviously joking, so I giggled again. "Okay, well let's say you stick out the program…but just skip a few steps. What would we do on our 'date'?"

He looked past me at the mass of people dancing around us. "Well I certainly wouldn't take you to a place like this."

I bit my bottom lip and honestly tried to keep my mouth shut, but… "Do you want to get out of here?"

He smirked. "Jasper would be pissed. But this place is giving me a fucking migraine so I think I'm going to go out for a walk…I can't really control it if you did the same."

My smile spread across my face so strongly that it was impossible to fight. Even if it was just for a little walk, I was going to get to spend some time with Edward, and I was grateful. I missed him like hell, and if I wasn't so committed to doing whatever it took to get him better, I would have never had the strength to stay away. I did feel bad about allowing him to sway from his program, but a walk was innocent enough, and I think it would probably be a good test for us both when it came time to say goodnight…


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

We walked down the overpopulated city streets, and just talked casually about nothing in particular. We didn't touch and kept our distance from each other, but we giggled and laughed about stupid things, and I found myself doing something I had never done before – flirting. I was totally flirting with Edward like some school girl with a crush, and it was both odd and exciting at the same time. He made my heart flutter and gave me butterflies…and like always, he took my breath away every time he smiled at me.

After a while the crowds seemed to die down, but I quickly realized that it wasn't because all the people had gone home for the evening, it was because we had somehow found ourselves in a low trafficked harbor.

"Wow, this is beautiful," I said as I leaned on a rail and looked towards the bobbing sailboats with the crescent moon high in the background.

"Yeah, it is," he agreed, though I was fairly certain he was looking at me when he said it.

I blushed, I couldn't help it. "Here, give me your hand," I said, completely overlooking his Bella detox program. I wasn't purposely neglecting the steps, I simply got lost in that amazing moment and thinking rationally wasn't really possible.

He hesitated, obviously he knew the electricity between us was going to be hard to resist if we touched; hell, it was hard to resist when we weren't touching, the fact that he gently placed his hand in mine was proof of that.

With our hands connected, more than anything I ached to melt into him, but somehow I kept my wits and was able to accomplish my tiny goal. I pulled myself into him, and then wrapped my other arm around his waist and began to sway us to the sweet melody of the evening harbor. It was a perfect moment, but then…

"Uh…what are we doing?" Edward asked uncomfortably.

My heart sank. I must have pushed too hard, so I swallowed roughly and looked up at him. "Dancing," I admitted sheepishly.

When a smile spread across his lips I breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't mad, and I hadn't gone too far, he was just…embarrassed. "I don't dance," he said, echoing the words I had said to Ethereal Edward the night prior to going back to his body.

I breathed out one laugh through my nose, and then just held him closer. "Neither do I. I've never danced with anyone but you," I told him, repeating his words he had said to me when I protested his spontaneous dance in the street before.

He didn't object anymore, he just held me securely back as we continued to sway together and allowed ourselves a few moments to forget the world…. Of course a few moments of forgetting the world quickly crossed that imaginary line into throwing out all the rules completely. I had no idea who initiated it, but the next thing I knew we were in full make out mode. We couldn't get close enough together, and our tongues couldn't get far enough in the other's mouth. It was desperate and all consuming, and I suddenly couldn't remember a single reason why we ever tried to refrain.

It was too much. It was far too intense. We could try to fight it, but there really wasn't a point since there was no way we'd ever win.

Somehow I ended up with my back pushed against the small harbor building wall, and Edward was pressed so tightly against me that it was impossible not to feel his growing need for me through our clothes. We were outside, in full view of anyone who might happen to come into the area, but I couldn't give two shits; we could have been in a crowded tourist spot and I would still be unbuttoning his pants. Luckily no one walked by, not that I would have noticed them anyway.

He lifted me against the wall and I responded by wrapping my legs around his waist. His lips hardly left my skin as he kissed my mouth, my jaw, my neck, and anything else he could reach without letting me go. With one swift move, he freed himself, pushed my panties to the side, and thrust inside of me causing us to both gasp from the incredibly amazing feeling of it. Once again, I felt like I could finally breathe after suffocating so long without him.

He began pumping himself in and out of me, but after a moment it erupted into a desperate frenzy of pounding, huffs, and grunts. My hands were tangled so tightly in his hair that it must have been uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to care or even notice. I had an overwhelming desire to bite the skin on his neck where my mouth was currently pressed against, and after a moment of resistance, I gave into that desire which caused him to groan but only made him thrust harder.

I had never understood what some of my friends meant when they said they needed a good fucking. I never experienced sex like that, so raw and roughly intense, but I was certain that's exactly what was happening. A good fucking… Well, make that an _amazing_ fucking. But unlike what my friends found when they went out to get fucked, I could still feel Edward's deep rooted passion for me with every thrust he made. It didn't matter how extremely physical we were being, it all derived from pure unadulterated love.

When the buildup became too much, we both seemed to erupt at the same time and came with audible cries that would have given porn stars a run for their money. If it would have been possible for me to have that same sensation with anyone else, I probably would have been ashamed of my uncontrolled vocal outbursts, but the moment Edward and I were able to get our wits back, we just stared at each other…and then busted out laughing.

"Wow, I think we totally just fucked up Jasper's program," Edward said through his laughter.

"Oh god, I'm an enabler, aren't I?" I said to him with tears building in my eyes from laughing so hard.

But then we heard some voices approaching from around the other side of the building, so we quickly straightened out our clothes and made our way back towards where we came from…and that was when we saw a homeless guy sitting there in a perfect position to have seen our entire tryst.

_Uh…_

However when the guys smiled at us with a thumbs up, Edward and I just started laughing again as we retreated.

"Well, since it seems we're breaking all the rules tonight…want to come with me to my hotel?" he asked as we approached the night club we had left our friends in.

"Not tonight," I told him regretfully. "I have to get up early for work in the morning and it's already past midnight."

He breathed in sharply. "Okay… Well…this is goodbye then?"

I stared at him for a moment. "Are you okay?" I asked unsure.

The muscles in his face visibly tensed. "Yeah. I'll call you in a few days." He leaned in and kissed me tenderly, and then he went to turn and leave, but I grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Of course I want to spend the night with you," I told him with a smile.

"Oh, you're fucking with me," he said playfully offended.

"I'm not fucking with you; I just wanted to make sure you're going to be okay. We'll have to separate in the morning because I do have work and you have a wedding to go to. We just need to be ready for that."

He smiled and then leaned in to kiss me again. "I've got this. I'm not going to go fucking crazy again," he said softly before giving me another kiss. "You know why?"

I smiled against his lips. "Why?"

"Because I know you're waiting."

"And I won't stop until we can be together permanently."

"I know…Now let's go get loud again."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Every muscle in my body ached. I honestly felt like I had just run a marathon…and then climbed a mountain before getting hit by a car. Okay, so I didn't hurt_ that _much, but I was definitely sore from our all night sexcapades, and now the irritating incessant buzzing of my cell phone alarm clock was driving me insane, and apparently I wasn't the only one.

"What is that noise?" Edward mumbled groggily from somewhere underneath the covers. I had no idea how he ended up sleeping under there, but I was fairly certain my leg was resting over his neck or chest, which was an interesting and extremely _appealing_ position.

"My phone…it's time to get up," I groaned, but then my slightly grumpy mood instantly vanished when he began kissing my inner thigh.

"Turn it off," he insisted while moving his lips up towards my crotch.

"Okay," I said, lacking the ability to speak properly due to the glorious fact that his mouth had just reached my eagerly waiting core.

I meant to reach over and grab my cell, but apparently my body was too focused on what was happening between my legs to comply with what my brain was telling it to do. So the alarm continued to sound as Edward kissed, licked, and even nipped my most intimate area, but it didn't take long for me to tone out the noise. The sensation felt so incredible that my toes curled and I moaned out, and apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying it; Edward made plenty of pleasure-filled sounds as well, of course his were more muffled due to the placement of his mouth.

It wasn't long before he moved up my body and thrust himself right inside of me, and he was positioned in a way that every time he pushed in he would hit my sensitive nub which only amplified the sensation that much more. God it was incredible, but then again, Edward was always incredible. He knew just where to touch and how much pressure, and the feeling of him inside of me was amazing beyond anything else in the world.

But after we climaxed for the umpteenth time since spontaneously running into each other the night before, we both knew it was time to pry ourselves apart and get on with our day. Of course, ten minutes later when Edward emerged from the bathroom wearing a tux, I nearly lost control and attacked him again. I highly doubted there was a more beautiful sight than Edward naked with sex hair, but him all spiffed up was a distant second.

"How is it fair that you made me get up when you're just going to lie in bed all day?" Edward said playfully when he caught me gawking at him.

"I'm working on getting up; you just got dressed insanely fast," I said defensively.

"I can get _undressed_ just as fast," he said suggestively.

I laughed. "I'm sure you can…and you'll have to show me that later. What time are you heading back to Forks?"

"Technically I came with Jasper in his car, so I'm sort of at his mercy…But I'll find a way to stop by and see you before I leave."

"Jasper is here?" I asked with mix of amusement and worry.

"Yeah, Liam is a mutual friend."

"But I didn't see him at the club last night."

"He wasn't there. He was supposed to come with us, but at the last minute Alice called him and had some sort of issue that she needed him to talk her though."

I smiled. "Or maybe she called to prevent him from going out with you because she knew we were going to see each other and he'd just get in our way."

He scrunched his face at me. "How would she know that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, she seems a little psychic."

"More like psych-o," he said with a laugh, sending me right into a déjà vu from when Ethereal Edward said the same exact thing about his sister. Luckily he didn't think I was serious with the psychic talk, otherwise he may have come to the conclusion that I was psycho as well.

I finally got out of bed and kissed Edward goodbye, before catching a cab back to my apartment. I was already running late so I showered and dressed as quickly as possible, and then sped my way across town to my bookstore. I still had twenty minutes before my scheduled opening, but that didn't leave much time to set everything up. Luckily I had a hard working team, and together we somehow managed to get finished five minutes early.

Of course just because I thought they were hard working, that didn't mean I liked them personally. "So, long night, huh?" Tia asked with a teasing grin as we took a quick breather before we needed to unlock the doors.

"Yes, I know I'm late. I apologize, it won't happen again," I told her but made sure the other two girls heard me as well.

"Let's just hope your boyfriend doesn't catch wind of your little one night stand," Lauren added.

"Oh, don't go there, Lauren," Angela chided her.

"Go where?" Lauren asked innocently.

"You know exactly what you're doing. You want Bella to get caught cheating on her boyfriend because that way you won't be the only trashy one here."

"I was with my boyfriend," I admitted, just trying to stop their annoying tiff.

"Oh, he showed up at the club? How sweet," Angela gushed.

"More like freaky. Is your boyfriend like a stalker or something," Lauren asked.

"Hold on, that super-hot guy I saw you leave with last night is your boyfriend?" Tia asked incredulously. "I'm calling your bluff. Sexy guys like that never commit to having girlfriends."

Not that I really cared what they thought about me, but just to shut them up I pulled out my cell phone and showed them a picture that I let Bree take of Edward and I together at the beach.

"Daum," Tia said. "Guess you're not lying."

"Guys like that _do_ have girlfriends, _obviously they need someone to take home to their moms_, but they also have a little something-something on the side, if you know what I mean," Lauren said snootily.

"Edward would never cheat on me," I said irritated, but then wondered why the hell I was even wasting my time talking about him with them. These girls were not my friends; they were just my employees, and I decided in that moment that I would definitely not be hanging out with them socially again.

Like the grand opening, that day was busy as hell, but somehow the clock still seemed to tick by agonizingly slow. By lunch time it felt like I had been there for days, but then I started to freak myself out. Something just felt…off, and I had no idea what it was. And then I got a phone call I was never expecting.

"Hello, Bella Swan, how may I help you?"

"Bella, this is Jasper. Do you have a minute?"

My heart sank. "Sure, hold on just a second," I told him before rushing over to get Angela to cover for me. "Jasper, what's wrong with Edward?" I asked, already sensing there was something terribly wrong.

"Um…well, I can't really tell you what's going on…everyone is fine physically, but Edward is just having a few issues today. I'm just calling to let you know that I'm taking him home, and he's not going to be able to meet you later like you planned."

"Jasper, what's wrong with him?" I asked sternly.

"I can't discuss it Bella, I'm only calling out of curtsy because he mentioned that you were expecting him later."

"Okay, don't give me that bull about you being his therapist and there's some confidentiality thing. Tell me what's going on!" I nearly shouted at him.

"I wish I could, but…"

"Fine, never mind," I cut him off. "Thanks for calling," I added before hanging up the phone and immediately calling Alice.

She answered her phone on the first ring. "Hi Bella, I figured you'd call."

"What's going on with Edward? Jasper refuses to tell me."

"He's not supposed to…and he's not supposed to tell me either but Jasper always bends the rules for me. Apparently Edward was fine through the wedding, but afterwards he started freaking out."

"Freaking out how?" I asked anxiously.

"Well Jasper got a call from one of his other patients so he needed to head back to Forks early, but when he told Edward they had to leave, Edward flipped. I don't know everything, but apparently it was some sort of panic attack and it got pretty intense."

"Oh my god. Where is he? Is Jasper already taking him home now, or are they at the hotel? I need to go see him."

"Bella, just…give him some time."

"No! He doesn't need time, he needs _me_. He was fine this morning when we were together. Alice, please, just tell me where he is."

There was a brief silence, but then Alice sighed. "Jasper is bringing him home now, they're already on the freeway. But Bella, don't come. Stay there and concentrate on your business. Edward has a serious problem and needs to find a way to break it if he's ever going to be mentally healthy. Jasper is going to make sure he gets what he needs in order for him to get back to you. You just have to be patient."

My chest ached and I closed my eyes tightly as a way to cope with the pain, but after taking a minute to really search my heart, I knew Alice was right. I kept telling myself he needed time, but knowing something to be true didn't always placate the heart. I needed him, so perhaps I had selfishly convinced myself he was okay.

There was a part of me that didn't care about Edward's unhealthy level of obsession with me, what girl wouldn't want the guy they loved to be completely besotted with them? But if it was affecting Edward's ability to function in his life and giving him panic attacks, then something had to be done.

"Alice…Please… when you see him, just call me and tell me how he's doing," I asked somberly.

"I promise," she said supportively, and then she said goodbye and hung up the phone.

I was trembling after that call; needless to say, it was hard to concentrate on my job for the rest of that day. Alice never called like she promised, but she did do one better, she had someone else call for her...

"Edward? Hey, how are you?" I asked, relieved and grateful to hear from him but not wanting to be too intrusive.

"Hey, sorry I didn't call you sooner," he mumbled.

"What happened?" I asked gently.

"I don't even know," he said, sounding frustrated and almost broken in a way that I've never heard him before.

"I know there are things you don't want to tell me, but I need to know what's going on with you. I need to know you're okay."

He sighed, and then reluctantly explained. "I was planning to stop by the bookstore to see you again before l headed home, but then Jasper needed to take off early and I just… snapped. I… I expected to see you again…I hadn't prepared myself for another long separation yet, and suddenly I was back to feeling like how I did when we were kids; like the fucking world was caving in on me. Rationally I tried reminding myself that I was going to talk to you soon, but…it didn't help. I just kept thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong to keep us apart. Car accident, earthquake, tsunami, some fucking psycho predator…I mean, I saw the way all the guys at that club were looking at you, any one of them could have zeroed in on you with sick intentions."

I had no idea how to respond to that. I think it was normal for people to fear losing someone they love, but Edward seemed to take it to a whole other level, and I could finally see the real benefits in Jasper's planned program. Edward needed to learn to control his emotions, because it wasn't just obsession, it was paranoia as well, and that just wasn't healthy for anyone.

When I didn't say anything, Edward continued - "I guess through my little tantrum Jasper realized I had stayed with you last night, so he tried to talk me down…But my fucked up brain just saw him as someone who was trying to keep us apart….and I hit him," he admitted ashamed.

"Edward," I whispered.

"I know…I'm fucked up. I really don't know what to do anymore. I honestly thought I was better. I was going to go back to Forks and not freak, I was handling it, but now…" he let his sentence trail off.

"You just had a setback, that doesn't mean you're not better," I tried reasoning with him.

"I think I broke his nose…. He's my therapist, but more than anything he's my friend and he was just trying to help me, and I fucking broke his nose. Bella, what if something happened, and I hurt you? I'd never be able to live with myself."

"Don't," I told him strongly. "Don't go and tell me that we can't ever be together. You said so yourself, you've only had these obsessive tendencies when it comes to us being apart, so why would you ever hurt me?"

"What if…what if you decided you've had enough? What if you found someone else and wanted to leave. I don't know what I'd do, and that fucking terrifies me."

"Edward, I'd never willingly leave you, and I'd never find someone else because there is no one else in this world for me. We're always going to be together, I know that with everything I have inside of me. Maybe that's the reason why I don't lose control like you can, I'm confident in us, but you still aren't sure…"

"Of course I'm sure about us," he cut me off.

"No, you're sure that you what to be with me and no one else, but you're so much of a pessimist that you're convinced fate will tear us apart one way or another."

"Anything is possible," he mumbled.

"No, it's not," I said confidently. "We're going to have a long and happy life together, and I know this because we've already survived. We've faced being torn apart by bitter parents, separation from pigheadedness, and one terrible accident that certainly would have killed you if it was your time to die…We've always found our way back to each other, and we always will no matter what."

He was quiet for a moment, and then the sound of a hard breath came through the phone. "You're right…I'm not as confident as you are. The world is too fucked up to allow anyone to be truly happy."

"Edward…"

"Look, I have to go. I'll call you in a few days."

And then the line went dead.

Something wet dripped onto my neck, and only then did I realize I was crying. I just didn't understand any of it. Ethereal Edward had said his corporal self was messed up and kind of a cold jerk – but a cold jerk would have been easier to handle than what he currently was. It was like all his stone walls had come crashing down, and instead of freeing him, he was left with nothing but rubble. I just wanted to hold him and piece him back together and tell him everything was going to be okay, but it seemed I was more of the problem than the solution, which was so hard to comprehend. We belonged together. We were two halves of the same whole, so how could being around each other all the time be so wrong?

I didn't know what to do, but I knew what I _wasn't _going to do – give up. I'd never give up on him, and like I promised, I'd wait for as long as he needed. I'd wait forever.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Once again, it seemed like I was going through an Edward blackout. He didn't call, he didn't text, and apart from the occasional updates from Alice, I had no idea how he was doing. But I tried to stay strong…I had to, Edward was depending on me to be ready and waiting for whenever he was able to really start our lives together. I was trying to be at arm's length like he said he needed me in the past, but it was just so incredibly hard.

On a professional note, however, my bookstore was doing a great stream of business. We already had our regulars and I saw new faces enter the store every day, each having wonderful things to say about it. We were doing so well in fact, that I was able to hire two new people which meant I didn't have to work every day, but having some days off here and there was both a blessing and a curse. I ached to go to Forks; I just wanted to be in the same town as him at least, but I forced myself to stay in Seattle.

"He just needs time, Bella," I'd end up telling myself. This time I refused to let my heart win the battle over my brain. Patience was the key, I had to believe that.

'_It's always darkest before the dawn'_ – I had no idea who originally said that, but I had to hope that was true, because just when I thought we had reached the darkest point in our blackout, something would just make things even darker…

"Here, we all pitched in and bought you this," Tia said while handing me a little brown paper bag.

"What is it?" I asked groggily while sitting on a toilet seat. I had just spent my entire lunch break vomiting in the bathroom, and it wasn't my first day of doing so. Deep down I knew what was wrong with me, but I was suffering from a horrible case of denial.

"Oh come on, Bella," Lauren butted in. "You've been puking for days, and it's always after you eat. We all know you're PG, but you might as well just take the test to make it official. Besides, the sooner you know, the faster you can take care of it."

"Take care of what?" I played dumb…or maybe I wasn't playing, maybe I really was dumb. I mean, I aced Sex Ed, I knew what could happen with unprotected sex, but still, my stunned stupid mind refused to believe the obvious. "And what's PG?"

"Parent Guidance?" Tia asked with faux ignorance.

"It means _pregnant_!" Lauren said irritated, completely flabbergasting me. It was one thing to know something in the back of your mind, but to hear someone say it out loud was almost terrifying.

"I'm not pr-prreg- I'm not pregnant," I said, having a hard time even saying the word. Maybe a part of me was shocked because when Edward was in his out of body phase, I had come to terms with the fact that having his baby was something I'd never be able to do, and I guess I never reprogramed my thinking since then. The thought of an unplanned pregnancy with him never even entered my mind, which was fairly pathetic, especially coming from me. In the past I had been so afraid to have a baby with one of my loveless partners that I had gone to extremes to protect myself - Condoms, birth control pills, morning after pills; my philosophy had always been that you could never be too careful. But I suppose Edward always did have a way of making me lose rational thinking.

But there I was, watching a little pink plus sign develop in the test window, and wondering what the hell I was going to do. Our relationship wasn't in the proper place to jump right to the parenting step; we had hardly even spent any real time together. And then there was Edward's mental issues – he needed space, not to be trapped by a growing embryo.

_We weren't ready for this._

I decided to go home for the rest of the day, but that was probably the wrong thing to do as well. I walked past the pink room I had dubbed as Bree's, and I just broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably. It was like our little family was on the brink of being real, but there were always outside forces tearing us apart. Perhaps Edward's pessimism wasn't too off after all.

After giving myself a day to wallow in my sorrows, I picked myself up and went back to work. Like Edward, I knew what it was like to get lost in a funk, and I couldn't allow it to happen again, not when my career was finally moving in the right direction. So I did the only thing I could handle at that time, I put my pregnancy on the back burner, and decided to deal with it at a later date.

I tried like hell to not stress about things out of my control, but the next evening a loud banging brought even more drama right to my doorstep…

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked the moment I opened the door and saw Alice standing there looking distraught. My heart began racing and I automatically searched out my car keys so I could take off towards Edward as soon as Alice explained whatever issue he had.

"Edward is fine," she said on the verge of tears. She walked past me and I was shocked to see her lugging in a suitcase. "Jasper and I got into a fight, and I didn't want to go stay with my mom and Carlisle. Do you mind if I crash with you for a few days?"

"Of course not," I said with the feeling of immediate relief. As far as I knew Edward was fine, so I could handle just about anything else, but as I showed Alice to the guest room, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. "The futon is really uncomfortable, but the couch in the living room is worse," I told her apologetically. I hadn't had the time or money to properly furnish my apartment, heck, Bree's room was completely empty, but I suppose the futon in the third room was better than nothing.

"Oh, it's fine. I probably won't be sleeping anyway," she replied while plopping herself down on the lumpy futon.

"So, are you okay? What happened?" I asked carefully, not wanting to be too nosy…_not that Alice would ever give me that same consideration._

"We just…We're just so different, you know. I mean, you know I get these feelings and premonitions and things, well he just always thinks so rationally that it drives me crazy."

"Well, being opposites can be a good thing," I tried comforting her.

"Yeah, I guess. I know we're going to make it through, but right now he's just making me so angry that I could just spit."

"So what's going on, what happened to make you so upset?"

"Jasper had the nerve to say that my beliefs were nothing more than fluff," she said in a high pitched voice.

"Fluff?"

"This issue has been going on for a while now, but it wasn't until today that he basically admitted that he didn't believe in anything that I do."

"He actually said that to you? How did the argument even start?"

"Well, it was sort of about Edward. Jasper has never been comfortable being his therapist, simply because they have a personal relationship and some mumbo jumbo about a conflict of interest. But the thing is, Edward had a bad experience with a psychologist in the past and he refused to go back to another one. When Bree came into the picture though, he finally agreed to talk to Jasper about everything and it's just been that way for a while now. Edward is comfortable with Jasper; he's never felt comfortable enough with anyone else to actually talk freely and get the help he needs."

"So…what's the issue?"

"After that wedding, Jasper and Edward mutually agreed to part ways, _therapy wise that is_, and Edward finally agreed to try someone new again. But in the three weeks since then, Edward has met with three different therapists, and he hates all of them. Edward is getting frustrated, Jasper is getting frustrated, and I'm getting annoyed. So I simply suggested that maybe traditional therapy was the wrong way to go for him and that he should try a spiritual counselor or a medium to get in touch with his inner demons." Alice's face fell. "And that's when Jasper called all that stuff _fluff_."

"Oh…I'm sure he didn't mean it," I said, trying to calm her down.

"Yes he did. He thinks all the psychic stuff is fake…_He doesn't even believe in the benefits of using crystals!_ I mean, I'm working hard on aura reading, and if he doesn't believe in it, then that means he doesn't believe in _me_."

"No, Alice, I think it's just hard for him. I mean, he specializes in mental and emotional disorders, I could see how his work makes it difficult for him to believe in the more spiritual aspect of people."

"I just don't know how to find a middle ground with him. I want him to validate what I do, I mean, it's not like reading auras is easy…Speaking of auras, yours is going crazy right now."

"It is?" I asked surprised. "How so?"

Suddenly she had a sharp intake of breath. "You're pregnant!"

"What?" I asked, somewhat horrified. "Why do you think that?"

"I can see it in your aura, so don't try to deny it."

"Wha… How?"

"See, your aura is mostly this purple color, but around this area" – _she gestured to my stomach_ – "Is all this soft blue color. Edward is going to be so excited!" she squealed.

I let my head drop into my hands. "No Alice, he's not going to be excited. He's trying to get better, this is just going to get in the way."

"Oh stop complaining. You're pregnant, be happy. Most of the time people aren't ready to be parents, even if they think they are. You two will figure it out, just like everyone else."

I raised my head and looked at her somberly with just a slight mix of hope. "You really think so?"

"I know so. Maybe this will force Edward to get his act together. _OH!_" she shouted as if something just bit her.

"What?"

"I'm ninety percent sure it's a boy. Congratulations."

I gasped. "How do you know?"

"It's all in the aura," she said confidently, and then started gushing. "Aw, I can't wait for a little mini Edward."

And that was the moment I lost just enough worry to see the light and completely fall in love with my baby. The fact that I had Edward's child growing inside of me was both miraculous and amazingly surreal at the same time. Alice was right, everything would work itself out, it had to. Edward's mental health could possibly be something that he struggled with for the rest of his life, but our family refused to wait any longer. I'd give him a few more weeks to find a therapist he could trust, but after that it was time to get on with our lives…


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Alice and I stayed up most of the night talking; she told me _all_ her relationship woes, and I told her mine. But by the next morning I was exhausted and refused to take another day off of work so soon, so I got showered and dressed in a foggy haze of grogginess.

And then my cell buzzed with a text…

**Step One - no contact, complete. Step Two – texting… Good morning beautiful, I've missed you** – _E_

Once again, I smiled at my phone. That was definitely just the thing I needed to knock me out of my morning stupor and get me going for the rest of the day.

**I missed you too, more than you know, but I thought you said Jasper's step program didn't work** – _B_

**Well I didn't exactly stick to it before and I'm willing to try anything. I just started seeing a new therapist today and he likes the program and asked me to give it another go, but there's no way I'm starting over with the no contact part. We've been cut off long enough. ** – _E_

**Agreed. How soon before we can actually see each other?** – _B_

**Not soon enough. Maybe a couple weeks** – _E_

I sighed.

**Maybe you should see a mystic healer instead** – _B_

I meant it as a joke, but was actually pretty serious. I knew, probably better than anyone, just how different the soul and physical mind could be, so perhaps Alice's idea of a medium or psychic getting in touch with his spirit could actually be beneficial.

**Is Alice there with you? I know she and Jasper are going through a rough patch. I feel bad that they were fighting about me** – _E_

**Yeah, she's here. But their issues aren't really about you at all, so no need to feel bad about anything** – _B_

We continued texting about anything and everything throughout the day, and as it continued into the evening, Alice certainly noticed.

"Did you tell him?" she asked as we were sitting down for Chinese delivery.

"Tell him what?" I asked in a brief moment of stupidity.

"The baby!" she nearly shouted.

"Shhh," I hushed her as if Edward could hear through the text. "No, I haven't told him. That's not exactly something I wanna say via text message."

"Oh! Maybe we should throw him a '_you're going to be a dad'_ surprise party. We'll do it all up with blue balloons and streamers, and even have baby shower type games. We could invite everyone so you don't even have to send out announcements."

"I think it would be best to tell him privately. Speaking of _everyone_, does your family know about Edward's issues and the fact that we're even sort of together? I mean, the last time I was at your parent's house it was all a little…awkward."

"No…Well, Carlisle knows Edward was messed up in the past, but he never really knew why. And they kind of know something 'strange' went on between you two, they might have even believed that Edward was out of body, but since he doesn't remember any of it I think Carlisle and my mom are both in denial. But its fine, I'm used to their skepticism."

"And Jasper doesn't believe it either?"

"I thought he did, but his recent remarks about it all being fluff would suggest otherwise. It's like some people, especially doctor types, just have a hard time believing in anything intangible. I just don't get it; most kids believe, at what point do people lose it?"

"Does Bree still see her dad?"

"Yeah, but who knows how long it'll last for, especially with the grown-ups around her discouraging it."

"I really hope she never loses that ability; I wish I could talk to my dad."

"You can. I'm sure he visits you all the time, you just have to be open to it."

"Well, I wasn't open to Edward, but he still came…In fact, I was downright resistant towards him."

"He's your soul-mate, so you were open to him without even realizing it. You know what I do when I want to talk to my grandma? I go to sleep with her on my mind, and then I end up dreaming about her. Sometimes a dream is just a dream, but more times than not, the dream world is a place that spirits can safely cross into and communicate with living loved ones."

"Really?"

"Yeah, give it a try tonight. Think about your dad as much as possible. If he's your last thought before you become unconscious, then he may show up… Now if you remember it when you wake is up to you."

"How do I make myself remember?" I asked anxiously.

"If you want to remember something enough, you'll remember it."

"Thanks Alice," I said sincerely.

It was hard to think about my dad while I was lying in bed that night. I loved my dad and missed him like crazy, but in my current state, my mind was consumed by Edward, Bree, and our baby. So I did the only thing I could think of; I put my father's picture on the nightstand and got out the old home movies. Watching the video of my dad doting on baby me was very emotional and made me think about Edward and our baby even more, but somehow I was still able to put my present life aside for a short time, and fall asleep with the warm fuzzy feeling that only a dad could give…

_At first there was nothing…and then a park. I stepped into the playground and was so happy to see Charlie pushing baby me on the swing. I was giggling and babbling, and it was such a strange thing to witness but definitely made me feel comforted. Suddenly my dad kissed the top of my baby bald head and then turned to look at present me straight in the face._

"_Bella?"_

_My eyes welled up. "Hi dad."_

_He smiled widely. "You're all grown up."_

_I nodded. "I've really missed you."_

"_Oh Bells, I've always been here," he said emotionally._

"_I know… But it's good to finally see you again."_

_Suddenly the scene before me became fuzzy and began to skip in a weird way, almost like a scratch in a DVD or video tape. When it became clear again, I was no longer in the park; instead I was in a war torn city with broken buildings and explosions on either side of me._

"_Help!" someone called out. "Please help me!"_

_I looked towards the pleading and found a man buried under the rubble. "Oh my god, here, let me help you," I said as I frantically dodged flying debris to reach him. I began pulling the wreckage off his body, but then he placed his hand gently on mine to stop me. _

"_There's no point, it's too late for me," he whispered painfully._

"_No, I'm going to help you," I tried assuring him._

"_You want to help me?" he asked, and suddenly I noticed a strange familiarity in his face; it was something in his clouded green eyes, but I couldn't quite place how or where I knew him. _

"_Yes, I'm going to help you."_

"_Just never stop fighting," he said strangely, and then he moved my hand onto his ID tags hanging from his neck. "Please, take these back to my daughter. Tell her I'll always be with her…" He gasped for air, and then he became still and I knew he was gone. _

_My chest tightened, and I had no idea what to really think about it, but as I gently removed the metal tags from around his neck, I couldn't help but glance down at the name scribed there… 'Garrett Masen'_

_I couldn't believe it…he was Bree's dad. It was no wonder his eyes looked familiar to me, he had the same eyes as Edward and I was surprised I didn't realize it right away, but I suppose dreams were always a bit confusing. _

_I stood and looked around the war torn city and wondered how I got there or how I'd get home, but as another explosion blasted in front of me I was instantly transported to another place. I was sitting on a cliff overlooking the ocean with the sun setting in front of me…and I wasn't alone…_

"_How am I supposed to let go, when things are so unsettled?" the woman asked. _

_I turned and looked at her and instantly knew who she was; her face was identical to Bree's, but instead of dark hair, Kate had blonde loose curls that blew wildly in the wind. _

"_I don't think anything in life ever really settles. The world is constantly moving and changing; all we can really hope for is to find a way to navigate through it all," I told her, feeling a strange sense of comfort that I had never felt with a stranger before. _

_She smiled somberly at me. "Bree knows I'll always be with her…but I need to know that you will too. Edward can take care of her basic needs…but she's really going to need a mother to get her through life's rocky roads."_

_I could feel my eyes welling up. "I promise you, I will never mess up."_

_She laughed once. "Of course you will, all parent's do at some point…but you'll get it back together…I can tell you're not the type to give up."_

"_I used to be…but not anymore."_

_She nodded. "You're going to be a really good mother, Bella…You already have the most important quality of it."_

"_And what's that?"_

"_Unconditional love…. I wish I could be there for her…not just spiritually, but really be there for her…but since I can't, I'm so thankful she's going to have you."_

_And then we were both in tears._

_I went to go hug her, but I suppose that sort of thing could only be done with a soul mate because the moment I should have made contact, she disappeared. I quickly stood and looked behind me, and my tears of sorrow turned into tears of joy as I saw Bree's parents standing there together, arm in arm. _

"_Take care of our little girl," Kate said looking beautiful and healthy. _

"_And don't let my brother get you down," Garrett added with a smirk that looked way too much like Edward's. "It's really not his fault, pigheadedness runs in the family."_

"_It's true," Kate agreed._

"_Well, so does unhealthy levels of obsession," Garrett added while looking lovingly at his wife. _

"_The Masen men do seem to have one track minds," Kate said with a giggle, and then she got serious again. "We'll always be here…watching our baby grow up and waiting for the day we'll all be reunited again. Thank you Bella, for taking over where we left off. We don't have a doubt you and Edward will create a happy loving family for our little girl."_

"_We will," I promised. I meant to say goodbye, but I had a feeling that it wasn't necessary. Like they said, they were always going to be there, and I was grateful. After that I was overcome with an incredible sense of peace, and I knew without a doubt that everything was going to work out._

_The next thing I knew, Kate and Garrett were gone, and Charlie was there in their place._

"_I'm proud of you, kid. You've sure come a long way from that lost broken girl you were when you first returned to Forks."_

_I smiled. "Thanks dad. You know, I'm actually proud too. Edward found me and pieced me back together, and now it's time to return the favor."_

"_I'll always be here."_

_I nodded. "I know."_

….

It seemed like a moment later I was awaking in darkness to the sound of my phone buzzing and low knocking on the front door. For whatever reason I ignored my phone and chose to get to the door instead. I threw on my robe and then hurried down the hall towards the front room; along the way I noticed two things – Alice was still sound asleep in the guest room, and the illuminated clock on the TV read 'four am'.

A part of me wondered if I was even awake, but the moment I opened the door I understood. Edward was standing there with his phone in hand looking rather distraught, and Bree rushed in and wrapped her arms around my waist as she cried into my stomach.

"Kate just passed," Edward whispered. "Bree said she just wanted to be with you."

I nodded to him and then leaned over to kiss the top of Bree's head. "Come here," I told Edward. It was more of a demand than a request, but he willingly obliged. He wrapped his arms around Bree and me, and the three of us just held on to each other as if our lives all depended on it.

In an instant it became us against the world, and in that bittersweet moment, I knew Edward and Bree were home to stay…

* * *

*****THE END**….LOL, just kidding. That would have made a good ending, but nah, we still have a little way to go :) More to come soon….


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

After pulling Bree aside so Edward couldn't hear, I reassured her that her parents were always going to be with her, and that seemed to calm her down a bit.

"But what if I get big and I can't see them anymore?" she questioned worriedly.

So I told her exactly what Alice had said about dreams, and she felt much better after that, but because of the late hour she was beyond exhausted…

"I wanna try to dream of my mommy now," she said with a big yawn.

I smiled at her. "Okay, let's all get to bed."

Bree's room didn't have any furniture yet and Alice was sleeping on the futon in the guest room, so instead of making Bree sleep on the couch, the three of us all climbed into my bed together and I couldn't help but think of my own childhood when I used to sneak into my parents bed in the middle of the night. It was a good feeling.

Bree was between us and fell asleep quickly, snoring and all, but Edward and I were both still wide awake…

"I don't know what you said to her, but thank you," he whispered over Bree's head. "I don't think I would have been able to get her through the night without you."

"I think the key is sticking together; as long as we can do that we'll be able to handle anything."

"Sticking together, huh?" he said with a smile. "I guess that means throwing the step program out the window."

"Maybe you don't need space from me to fix your issues, maybe you actually need the opposite," I suggested.

"But being with you all the time is what sparked my obsession in the first place. We lived together, slept together every night, and when our parents separated us I just couldn't handle it."

"And what would have happened if they never separated?" I asked him.

He thought about it for a moment, and then he smiled. "We probably would have ended up having a kid when we were in high school."

I giggled quietly. "I guess that would have made it hard to hide our relationship."

"Yeah, I think our parents would have freaked. They honestly thought we had a traditional brother/sister relationship…Actually, I bet they still think that."

"They probably would have ended up separating us anyway. I doubt they would have been comfortable with us living together if they knew we had a physical relationship going on…But that's my point, _they_ separated us…it was out of our control, but now we get to decide what we do and who we do it with. There's nothing anyone can say or do to break us apart."

"But what if you want to leave?" he asked anxiously.

"I won't."

"But what if you do?"

I huffed. I knew he wasn't going to stop until I gave him an answer…so I did. "Then I leave. Edward, if one of us chooses to go somewhere down the road, then we'd be separated…which is basically what we have been all this time. So either we risk future separation, or we stay separated now…what's the difference? At least if we risk it we're guaranteed _some_ time of happiness. If I had to choose between just a moment of pure joy verses a lifetime of mediocrity, I'd choose the moment…even if the rest of my life sucked after that, it would be worth it."

He was quiet for a long time as he thought about everything I said, and because it was dark I thought he may have fallen asleep, but then I felt his fingers weave into mine. "I love you," he told me emotionally.

"I love you too," I said back.

….

Before long, the morning light was seeping through the blinds, and first thing I thought about was the extreme accomplishment we just had; Edward and I made it through the night without any form of intimate connection. Sure, with a child in the bed sex was the furthest thing from our minds, but still… It had been a stressful, emotional evening, and we found comfort without really touching. It was enough to just be close to each other, to just talk and hold hands; it was more than a big deal for us…it was a breakthrough.

Bree was still sound asleep, but when Edward and I locked eyes, we both understood the gravity of the moment and we shared a smile that seemed to stretch from his mouth all the way to mine.

"It's morning," he whispered.

"It is," I agreed.

"Why does everything suddenly feel different?"

I squeezed our still attached hands. "Because everything is."

"We still have a long way to go," he said solemnly but hopeful at the same time.

"We'll get there."

"I know…as long as we stay together."

"Exactly."

Bree woke up a little while later, and the three of us went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

"Anything you want," I told her. "Pancakes, omelets, oatmeal…"

"Can I have a cheese omelet?" she asked in her little voice that was still raw with sleep.

"Of course," I told her with a smile.

While I started cooking, I looked at Edward curiously as he got up from the table and began looking around the apartment. I didn't realize until right then that he had never been there before, so I suppose it was normal for him to want to explore it a little, but suddenly I became nervous - What if he found something he didn't like? It was a silly feeling, but the more he looked, the bigger it grew.

"This is a big apartment for just you," he said as he came back towards us from down the hall.

"Well, I have a roommate."

"You do?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah…Alice."

He rolled his eyes. "Alice is so melodramatic. I'm sure she'll be back at Jasper's by tomorrow."

"Hey, I resent that," Alice said as she came up behind him, toting her things behind her. "I'm actually going back right now," she added sheepishly. "Wow, this place got crowded overnight."

"My mommy died so Edward brought me here," Bree announced.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey," Alice said while going over to give her hug. "But I'm sure she's much happier now than she was before. I mean, she was really sick for a long time and now she's finally better."

Bree smiled by her comment, but Edward scowled and mumbled something under his breath.

"You know, it's ironic that you, _of all people_, are not a believer," Alice chided him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked with a mix of being offended and amused.

"Well…" She paused, and I cringed to brace myself because I was sure that she was going to tell him about his out of body experience and I knew he wasn't going to handle it well, but then Alice thankfully went in a slightly different direction. "Bree sees spirits…and Bella has had close encounters as well. With all the semi-mediums around you, you'd think you'd be a little more open minded."

Edward smirked at me. "You've seen aliens?"

"Not close encounters with aliens!" Alice shouted at him frustrated. "Ghosts, spirits…loved ones on the other side and caught between." When Edward's smirk turned into a full disbelieving smile, Alice lost her patience. "UGH! You make me so mad! You know, there's no point in trying to convince you, at least Jasper just told me that he's willing to try to believe." Then she turned to me. "Good luck with him, you're definitely going to need it."

"Hey, whatever happened to you helping me?" I asked her.

"There is nothing I can do for him, I've been trying to convince him for years," she said with a huff.

"Well, what about everything else?" I asked her.

She looked between us, and then gave off the tiniest smile. "You're going to be fine." She kissed Bree on the cheek and told her to "stay strong" and then she headed for the door.

"Are you sure you have all your crystals and cauldrons and Ghostbuster packs?" Edward asked her playfully as she was about to leave.

She paused and turned back to him with the most evil look I had ever seen on her before. "You know, I really liked you better as a spirit…And I bet Bella did too!" With that, she walked out of the apartment and slammed the door as she went.

"What the hell was that about?" Edward mumbled to himself.

Bree got up from the table and then walked over to where Edward was, and grabbed his hand. "Don't listen to her, Edward, I like you better in your body," she told him innocently, and then she kissed his arm before skipping off towards the bathroom.

Edward scratched his head and looked completely perplexed, but he didn't question it. He simply shrugged and then continued to discover little things about my apartment. "So…where am I going to put all my furniture?"

I smiled. "My stuff is all junk; we can throw it all away and use your stuff."

"Really? Well, I kind of like this," he said as he sat in my broken holey Lazyboy.

"I do sort of have a soft spot for that chair, it was my dad's."

"Well, we have to keep it then. I'm sure it would go perfectly with my bachelor pad crap."

I giggled. "Your stuff isn't bad; at least none of it is cut up or stinks. All of this was in storage for a while and now it all has a rough musty smell."

He got up and walked over to the couch to smell it. "Yeah, that's not something we can get out with Fabreeze."

We both laughed, but when we heard Bree laughing down the hall, Edward froze. "What is she doing back there?"

"I don't know…maybe she's just playing," I suggested. The truth was that I was fairly certain she was currently seeing one or both of her parents, but I figured it was best not to mention that to Edward.

He wasn't satisfied by my guess, so he walked towards the sound of her laughter and I followed. Unsurprising to me, we found her in the empty pink room…talking to the wall.

"Uh…what are you doing, honey?" Edward asked her slowly.

"My mommy said this is going to be my room!" she said excitedly.

"Bree, uh…your mom isn't with us anymore," he told her as gently as possible.

"Yes she is, she's right here with my daddy."

"Look, sweetie…"

"Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there!" Bree cut him off, suddenly becoming defensive. "Bella's talked to them before. Tell him Bella, tell him that you talked to my mommy and daddy the other night."

Edward looked at me confused, and before I even had a chance to collect my thoughts he turned back to Bree. "Bella has never met either of your parents," he told her.

"Yes she has, my mommy told me they talked to her. She said we're going to be a family now!"

"Bree…"

"Edward, she's right," I told him. "I did talk to them."

"See! I told you."

"Okay…Bree, why don't you go out there and eat your breakfast so I can talk to Bella," he instructed her.

She crossed her arms and then huffed, but as she walked past us she paused. "You _do_ remember…you just pretend like you don't." And then she sulked towards the kitchen.

When we were as alone as we were going to get, Edward and I just stared at each other for a minute, and then he subtly shook his head. "Why are you encouraging her delusions?" he asked me quietly.

"Encouraging her delusions?" I asked incredulously. "Edward, she's not crazy. I know it's hard to believe, but she really does see her parents."

"Bella…" He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "Please don't tell me Alice has convinced you that all her mystic bullshit is real."

"She didn't convince me of anything. I've seen it firsthand."

"There's no such thing as ghosts," he said frustrated.

"Bella!" Bree shouted unexpectedly, prompting Edward and I to run to her aid.

"What, what's wrong?" Edward asked her anxiously.

"Nothing is wrong," she said with a huge smile on her face. "My mommy said I'm going to be a big sister!"

Edward stared at her dumbfounded for a moment, having no idea what to say or even think of Bree's comment, but then something must have clicked because then he turned and looked at me questionably.

_Uh…_ I had no idea how to respond to that, so I did the only thing I could; I smiled and said - "Surprise!"


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Time seemed to stop, and everything in my peripheral vision went blurry. Edward and I were locked in some intense stand still, and I had no idea what to do.

Suddenly, he broke. "You're pre-pregnant?" he stuttered.

I nodded slightly timid. "I just found out a few days ago."

He swallowed hard as if he had something large lodged in his throat. "We're you planning on telling me?"

I let go of the breath I had been unconsciously holding. "Yes, of course I was going to tell you. I just wanted to give you space to work on your issues before I dumped this on you."

"_Dumped it on me_? How is telling me we're going to have a baby _dumping_ something on me?" he asked slowly.

I sighed. "I hadn't heard from you in a while, so I figured you were busy trying to get better, and then I found out and the next day you were texting me about starting Jasper's program again. I was just trying to give you a little more time."

"How much time?" he asked quietly.

I bit my bottom lip and thought about it before answering him. "Uh...a couple weeks."

"A couple weeks," he repeated with a slight nod and an introspective glazed over look. When he refocused on me I wasn't sure what he was going to say so I tensed, but then – "So….You weren't going to make me miss it?"

His question just about broke my heart. He honestly thought I was planning to go through the majority of my pregnancy without telling him? I didn't care how fucked up he was emotionally, keeping him in the dark for an extended amount of time would have been far more fucked up.

"Oh…baby, of course I wouldn't make you miss it," I told him emotionally.

He nodded again, and then he smiled at me. "We're really going to have a baby?"

I smiled back. "Yes, we are."

And then I was in his arms and he was squeezing tightly while we both broke out in a mix of laughter and crying. It was an emotional outburst of the best possible kind, and in an instant we became a true united family of four. There were no more questions, no more doubts. We were going to stay together, and there was nothing that could ever break us apart.

After a few minutes Edward pulled away from me enough to look in my face. "You know what this means, right?"

"That we're officially a family?" I said with a huge cheesy grin.

"Well, that too, but now that we're bringing a human being into the world, we'll always have to be together. Even if years down the road you come to hate me and end up marrying someone else, we'll always be connected because of this kid. Birthdays, graduation, grandkids…you'll _never_ be able to fully get rid of me."

"Lucky me," I said sincerely. "But you really need to stop worrying about us being separated."

He smiled widely, and then quickly fought it away so he could be serious. "Okay, I'll stop worrying but you have to do something for me first."

"What?" I asked with a giddy grin.

"Marry me….Like _right now_. Let's go to city hall and get official."

If it was possible for my smile to get even larger, it definitely did. "There's no rush," I told him before weaving my fingers through his. "We have all the time in the world to get married."

"We have a lifetime's worth of time," he agreed confidently. "But I'm ready to start that life time _now_."

I bit my bottom lip, and nodded. "I am too… Let's go get married."

But then he got serious again. "We're not our parents, Bella; I only want to get married once."

"Me too," I said doubtlessly.

"So…if you want a big wedding…"

"I'm the last person to want a big thing…As long as you're the one I'm marrying I honestly don't care how it happens."

He leaned in and kissed me for what had to be one of the most incredible kisses yet, but when we finally pulled apart to leave we noticed Bree looking slightly upset.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked her concerned.

"You guys can't get married right now," she said, almost in tears.

My heart sank; having her upset about it was definitely unexpected and disheartening. "Why not?"

"Because if you don't have a real wedding, I can't be the flower girl."

I immediately felt better; she didn't have any objections to us getting married, she just wanted a bigger role in it, and that was understandable coming from a six year old. "What if I gave you some flowers to hold?" I asked her.

"It's not the same," she pouted.

I turned to Edward. "Maybe we should…"

He put up his finger to stop me. "You know Bree, the sooner Bella and I get married, the sooner we'll officially become a family."

In our minds we were already a family, but Bree seemed to like his logic. "Really? Okay…I'll just have to be a flower girl in Alice's wedding."

"Perfect, right?" Edward said enthusiastically. "Now, let's go."

But of course it couldn't be that easy, and I had to prepare myself for the few bumps in the road that were sure to be in store of us…Less than a minute later we hit the first one - Edward didn't have his birth certificate, which was vital for obtaining a marriage license.

"So we drive to Forks to get it," he said, refusing to let anything get him down at the moment, and I had to admit, it was a nice change in him and reminded me of his ethereal self.

"And then we drive all the way back?" I asked. "It's three hours each way." I didn't mean to be the pessimist in the situation, but by the time we got back and got the license it would probably be too late to actually get married.

He shrugged. "Well, we'll just get married at Forks City Hall then. We can spend the night at my apartment tonight; I need to resign from my job in the morning anyway. Can you get someone to cover for you at work?"

I smiled again. "Of course. This is really going to happen today, isn't it?" I asked, allowing myself to get excited again.

"Hell yes it's going to happen!"

So I grabbed my birth certificate, packed a small bag of clothes and such, called Angela to cover for me at the bookstore, and then we were off towards Forks. We spent the next three hours on the road making plans. Edward already had a contact for an EMT job in Seattle, so his career would be absolutely fine, and right around the corner from my apartment was one of the best schools in the city, so Bree would be taken care of as well. Besides Edward's continued disbelief in anything intangible, everything was falling into place perfectly, except…

"Shit," Edward said quietly as he pulled up in front on his apartment.

"What?" I asked concerned.

"I just remembered that I don't have my birth certificate here…it's at my dad's."

"He's probably at work, right?" I asked hopefully.

Edward shook his head. "He and Esme are freaking out because I took Bree away in the middle of the night without any explanation, and I haven't contacted them since. They've been calling and texting nonstop."

"They know Kate passed, right?" I whispered, not wanting to upset Bree.

"Yeah, that's probably what's worrying them. They think I acted irrationally by leaving right away. I bet they're at home hoping I'd show up there."

My stomach flipped. I was hoping to actually be married before dealing with our families' reactions to our relationship, but it seemed we weren't going to be so lucky. "So…a quick in and out isn't going to be possible?"

"I'm ninety percent sure we'll get the third degree."

I took a deep breath and then squeezed his hand. "We can handle it… We can handle anything."

"Together?"

"Exactly!"


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

When we pulled up to the Cullen house, things were definitely far worse than we expected. The Cullen's were not only home, but it seemed they had quite a few guests over as well.

"Maybe this will work in our favor," Edward suggested. "I mean, they'll be too busy entertaining to really question me."

"Edward, I have a bad feeling about this," I said, suddenly overcome with unpleasant butterflies.

"Hey! That's Carmen's car!" Bree announced excitedly.

"Carmen, your mom's nurse?" I asked unsure.

"Yeah, she lived with us for a while and helped my mom take care of me."

"Hold on a sec," Edward said as he looked around at all the cars.

"What is it?" I asked clueless.

Suddenly Edward clinched his jaw and I could actually feel anger radiating off of him. "This better not be what I think it is," he seethed.

"What?" I asked again.

"Just...wait here," he said as he opened his door.

"I thought we were staying together?"

"Yeah, I want to go inside too!" Bree protested.

He considered it for a moment, and then he huffed. "Okay, just let me do the talking."

The three of us got out of the car and headed for the front door, but then Edward pulled Bree to a stop and peculiarly tried to smooth down her long knotted locks with his fingers. "Do you have a rubber band or something?"

"Um…" I searched in my purse and luckily found one. "Here."

He took it from me and tried to pull her hair into a ponytail, but he was just making the tangles worse.

"Here, let me," I said and nudged him out of the way. I did the best I could without a brush and felt horrible that I didn't even think to comb out her hair sooner. What kind of mother was I going to be? "I should have done this earlier," I mumbled and I finished tying her hair back.

"We didn't exactly have a normal morning," Edward tried reassuring me. "I doubt we'll overlook this once everything settles down."

"I hope you're right. If I can't even remember to brush her hair then we're seriously screwed," I told him.

When Bree's hair was as good as it was going to get, we reluctantly went inside and I was absolutely shocked by what we found.

"Uh…this looks like a funeral reception," I said slowly as we looked around at all the people dressed in black congregated inside.

"He's gone way too far this time," Edward fumed.

"Oh, there you are Bree," an older woman came up to us and said to her. "I was beginning to wonder where you were. Did you mess up your dress?" she asked in reference to Bree's inappropriately casual attire.

"No, we just got here," Bree replied innocently, and then she looked up at Edward. "Why weren't we invited to the party?"

The woman shot Edward a disgusted look. "Please don't tell me you're the one who has guardianship over her?" she spat. "What kind of man lets a little girl miss her own mother's memorial?"

"Oh, blow me!" Edward said irritated before grabbing both Bree's and my hands and pulling us through the crowd towards the kitchen.

I couldn't believe what was happening, apparently Carlisle had put the whole thing together without Edward's involvement, and Edward was obviously beyond angry about it.

"Bout time you showed," Emmett came out of nowhere and said.

"Where's my dad?" Edward asked evenly.

"Out back. You know, I knew you screwed up a lot, I just never expected you to skip out on Kate's memorial."

"Fuck off," Edward replied before pulling Bree and me through the kitchen to the backyard. The moment he saw Carlisle he immediately laid in to him. "Where the hell do you get off doing all this without me?" he shouted at him, making everyone around us turn and look.

"Where have you been, son, we were worried," Carlisle said, ignoring Edward's outburst. "Bree, honey, are you okay?"

She nodded, but she was obviously upset by the confrontation, so I pulled her into me tightly and squeezed Edward's hand to remind him why he needed to calm down.

"You were worried, so you set up a funeral?" Edward asked incredulously.

Carlisle looked around at his guests, and then took a step closer to Edward. "Let's go up to my office and discuss this."

"Fine, lets."

Carlisle led the way, and Esme followed, but when he noticed Bree and me coming as well, he stopped. "Hey Bree, Rose is right over there, why don't you go have her get you something to eat," he told her.

She smiled politely but shook her head. "No thanks Grandpa Carlisle, I'm not hungry."

"Bree, maybe you should go with Rose," Edward told her. "We need to have a grown up talk."

She was about to argue but Edward simply gave her a stern look and she knew whining was pointless. "Fine," she said before sulking off.

"Bella, I'm happy to see you again, please stay and have some refreshments," Carlisle tried politely dismissing me as well.

"Nope, Bella is coming with us," Edward said, refusing to give Carlisle a moment to protest; he simply held my hand tighter and walked us passed them to lead the way.

When we got into the office, Carlisle shut the door and Edward immediately began yelling again. "I leave for one night and you felt the need to take over my responsibilities?"

"I didn't know where you went, and I couldn't get ahold of you!" Carlisle replied heatedly.

"She just died; you mean to tell me that this couldn't have waited?" Edward asked incredulously. "My god, most funerals don't take place the next day. Has there even been enough time for her body to cool?"

"Edward," I chided him quietly.

"This isn't the funeral," Esme jumped in. "It's just a get together of friends to mourn her passing."

"Again, not something you should have done. She was _my_ family, not yours!" Edward said harshly. "Did you honestly think I wasn't going to come back and handle everything?"

"Well, I don't know, son, you've been a ghost lately," Carlisle said unexpectedly - I almost snorted at that one…_almost._

"I've been dealing with my own shit. Last time I checked I was an adult that didn't need to check in with you every freaken day."

"We used to talk every day," Carlisle argued. "I really don't know what's going on with you lately, but since your accident you've been acting erratic and to be honest, it's quite concerning. This is just like the summer after you graduated high school, and I have to wonder what that means."

"And what does that mean?" Edward asked irritated.

"Are you doing drugs again, son?"

Edward was actually speechless for a moment, and then he laughed once humorlessly. "You honestly think I'm that fucked up that I would start that shit again right when Bree needs me the most?"

"I don't know what to think….But what I do know is that you're not emotionally stable enough to be caring for a child."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Carlisle glanced at his wife. "Esme and I would like to adopt Bree. We've already talked to social services and…"

"You talked to social services? How dare you?" Edward said, obviously feeling severely betrayed. "She's my kid. Her mother left her to me. You have no right…"

"Okay, calm down," Carlisle told him quickly. "Look, the last thing I wanted was to fight you on this. We just don't know what's going on with you anymore, and we're trying to think about what's best for Bree. We talked to Kate about us adopting her while you were in a coma, and she agreed."

"Yeah, because I was in a _coma!_" Edward shouted. "I'd understand you taking her if I died, but guess what, I'm not dead so I'm fully capable of raising her myself."

"We're grateful you're okay physically, but emotionally and mentally you're just not stable enough," Carlisle told him. "Think of what's best for Bree. Maybe…maybe we'll just be her temporary guardians until you're more secure. Or maybe you can live here with her until we know you can handle things on your own."

"You're not going to be her guardians at all. She's mine, and_ I'm _going to make sure she has everything she needs."

"What she needs is a mature caregiver and a stable home. Can you honestly say you can give her that?" Carlisle asked him.

Edward glanced at me, so I nodded in encouragement. "Yes, we can."

"We?" Carlisle questioned, looking at me confused.

"Bree and I are moving to Seattle to live with Bella," Edward told him assuredly.

Carlisle scrunched his face. "What? Edward, this is exactly what I'm talking about, you get these irrational ideas and you just jump at them without actually thinking it through. Why on earth would you move to Seattle when your job and family is here? And living with Bella _temporarily_ is the opposite of stability."

"It's not a temporary move. We're living with Bella permanently."

"Permanently? Edward, sooner rather than later you're going to want your on space. One of you will meet someone; possibly even get married one day."

"Actually, we want to get married _this_ day," Edward blurted out.

"You want to get married? To who?" Carlisle asked clueless.

"To each other," Edward said shamelessly.

Carlisle was shocked and confused as he looked back and forth between us, and then he let his eyes drop to our conjoined hands. "What is this?"

"What is what? Bella and I are getting married. What don't you understand?"

"You're getting married?" Carlisle questioned again. "To each other?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes. In fact, that's why we came here right now, so I could get my birth certificate; if I had known you were hosting Kate's funeral without me I would have been here sooner to stop you."

"This isn't a funeral, it's just…Everyone was calling and asking when the service was, and because I couldn't get ahold of you and had no idea when you were coming back, we just had everyone come over today. There was no ceremony, it's just a reception."

"A_ pre_-funeral reception?" Edward said incredulously.

"People just wanted a place to come and mourn," Carlisle said defensively. "Can we please get back to the topic of you wanting to marry your sister?"

"Bella, is not my sister," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"You divorce spouses, Edward, not children."

"Wow, well you've sure been a deadbeat dad to her then, haven't you?" Edward said condescendingly. "It's funny, your first wife didn't stick around after your divorce either; where is mommy anyway? You've always been so mad at her for ditching us the way she did, but you virtually did the same thing to Bella. I guess that makes you both losers in the parenting department, and you actually think you'd be a better father to Bree than me?"

"I tried to reach out to Bella after the divorce, but Renee wouldn't allow it," Carlisle fumed.

"Sure, you did," Edward said sarcastically. "You're right, you should have been awarded father of the year."

"Carlisle is an amazing father," Esme defended her husband. "He loves you and my kids as if you were all his own."

"Okay, your kids were both adults when you married, so it's not like he had too many daddy duties. I'm the only one he was really stuck with parenting and that's because he didn't have anyone else to push me on."

"Edward, that's not true. You're my son, I love you," Carlisle said offended.

"Really? Well, could have fooled me. I spent my entire childhood getting in your way. You were rarely home and when you were you locked yourself away in this office and would just yell at me if I bothered you. Hell, I used to try to piss you off just so I'd have some sort of interaction with you. I was always alone. I had no one, and I basically raised myself."

"Edward, I tried," Carlisle said quietly. "I had to work…But that didn't mean I didn't want to spend time with you. I hated that you were always alone, why do you think I married Renee in the first place?"

"Oh, you married Renee for me?" Edward asked with a laugh. "I could see how you getting a trophy wife would benefit me."

"I thought…I thought marrying her would give you the family and attention you needed. She didn't have a job to go to every day and she had a daughter your age; I thought the three of you would spend all your time together."

"My mother was never really into quality mom time," I mumbled.

"Yes, I know that now, which was one of the reasons why we ended up divorcing. But that's what happens when you rush into a marriage...especially when you get married for all the _wrong_ reasons."

"Don't!" Edward cut him off. "Don't stand there and pretend you know what the hell you're talking about when it comes to us."

"Edward, you don't just wake up one day and decide to marry your sister. Obviously there's something bigger going on here. Whatever issue you're having, this isn't the answer."

"She's not my sister," Edward said again.

"Fine, your step-sister. You seriously can't see anything wrong in this? I have to wonder if Alice was single would have tried to marry her?"

"Don't be disgusting," Edward said insulted.

"There is no difference, Edward."

"There is a huge difference!"

"Okay, the difference is you were kids with Bella; you should think of her as your sister even_ more_ then you do Alice."

"Yeah, well, I don't."

"Edward, what's really going on here? Are you two planning to raise Bree together? Do you think it would be easier if you had someone to help you that you're comfortable with? Maybe you're just tired of dating?"

"God, Carlisle, just stop. You have no idea what you're talking about. Bella and I aren't scamming you, we have no ulterior motive for getting married. We just love each other, and we always have."

Edward's statement seemed to take Carlisle back, so he took a deep breath before replying. "I don't have a doubt that you love each other…Bella was clearly distraught over your coma, but there are many different types of love, and I think it's possible that you're both confused. Perhaps Renee and I did a horrible job of demonstrating love appropriately."

Edward threw his head back frustrated, and then turned to me. "This is pointless, I don't even know why I'm trying. It's like talking to a fucking brick wall. We don't need his blessing, and I certainly don't need his permission to take Bree, so let's find my birth certificate and get the hell out of here."

"Edward, look, I know I wasn't the best father to you, and I know you were a lonely child…so maybe you found a connection with Bella that neither of you understood, maybe she gave you the sense of family that you never had before or even since then, and now with Bree needing a family you feel like she's the answer."

"That's not what this is!" Edward shouted, but there wasn't much anger behind it, it was mostly exasperation.

"No? Then why are you rushing to get married so soon after Kate died. Instead of being strong for Bree on your own, you're marrying someone you turned to as a kid in the hopes that she can compensate for what you lack emotionally. Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong."

"You're _not_ wrong," Edward said calmly. "I was a lonely kid…and when Bella was here it was the only time I felt like I had a family. I turned to her whenever I needed someone, but the truth is I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. If we could have just stayed together I probably would have never screwed my life up like I did. I love her, and I don't regret a moment of our time together. I'm marrying her now because I _want_ to be married to her. I understand Kate just died and it's not the time for celebrations, which is partly why we're just going to city hall. We're not going to worry about a honeymoon or anything like that right now, we just want to be married."

"I understand," Carlisle said gently. "You two have a past that has bonded you for life, and perhaps not being around each other for so long has made that connection even more intense…But you can feel incredibly close to someone in a platonic way, and I just don't want either of you to jump into a this only to realize what a huge mistake it is. Love is the most important aspect of marriage, but physical intimacy is a big part of it, and when you get to that point you're going to realize that your love is definitely not romantic."

Edward chuckled darkly. "You honestly think we haven't had sex?"

My head dropped on his shoulder to hide my face from embarrassment; it was definitely not a topic I wanted to discuss with my one time step-father.

"You have?" Carlisle asked slightly horrified.

"Bella's pregnant," Edward blurted out. "Trust me, the physical intimacy aspect of our relationship is never going to be a problem."

Carlisle was stunned silent as if the idea of us being together in that way was beyond belief. And then he shook his head roughly. "Wh…h-how long have you been together like…_that?_"

"I don't know, how long has it been since you married Renee?" Edward replied casually.

"I don't understand."

"Bella and I had a physical relationship when you were married," he clarified, but it just baffled Carlisle even more. "We were alone together a lot, and spent much of that time discovering each other sexually," he added with slight amusement laced in his tone. My embarrassment only grew with Edward's admission, but it seemed as though he didn't have an ounce of shame in it.

"You were just children…This isn't…normal," Carlisle responded absently as he was lost in thought.

"Nothing about us has ever been normal, but that doesn't make it wrong," Edward told him. "We weren't ready for the relationship we had back then, and you guys ripping us apart just made it all worse, but now we're both mature enough to understand everything and turn it into something real. Bella and I are having a baby; it's already done, there's nothing you can do to change it, and we're getting married and making a family for Bree. I don't need your permission, and I sure as hell don't need you interfering. I appreciate you taking care of Bree when I couldn't, but now you need to let me handle my own responsibilities, and that includes Kate's funeral."

Carlisle didn't know how to respond, so he just stood there like a statue as Edward walked over to his filing cabinet and found his birth certificate. He walked back over to me, grabbed my hand and then towed me out of the room without saying another word to his father.

Apart from him taking it upon himself to have a get together for Kate's passing, I couldn't really be mad at Carlisle. He didn't understand our relationship, and that was okay, I doubted anyone other than us really could. As far as people knew, our time together as children was just like every other step siblings', so his shock and disapproval from learning the truth actually made sense… But we had to do what was right for us, and we refused to care what other people thought about it.

With birth certificates in hand, we found Bree and headed straight for City Hall…


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

"It seems fate is playing a cruel joke on us," Edward said disheartened as we stood in front of the city hall building. A big 'Closed' sign hung in the door and the three of us were more than a little disappointed. "I mean, since when does this tiny building take furlough days anyway?"

"Well, what time is it? Can we make it to a different city?"

He got out his cell and pulled up the internet so he could check different hours for various city halls, but it just made him frustrated. "Some close early and we won't make it, others have weird rules where you have to wait seventy two hours before getting married. This is all just ridiculous!" he shouted.

I glanced at Bree and then looked back at Edward. "Okay, let's just calm down. Not getting married today isn't the end of the world. We'll just get married sometime in the next few days."

"In the next few days?" he questioned. "Why not tomorrow?"

His OCD was beginning to make him panic and I needed to figure out a way to calm him down, so I grabbed his hands and made him look me in the eye. "Hey…it doesn't matter if we get married today, or a year from today….we're going to stay together regardless. We'll try for tomorrow, but for whatever reason, if it doesn't happen it definitely will soon."

"Something is going to happen to rip us apart," he said in a rush.

"No…it's not. Marriage is just a piece of paper; our family is what's real. Besides, we have to stay together no matter what, remember? We have Bree, and this baby, so we will _always_ be together," I reminded him slowly, hoping to calm him.

Finally he nodded and seemed to accept what I was saying. "Okay, so…we just get married as soon as we can."

"Yep, and in the meantime, we have things we need to handle around here."

He nodded again. "Funeral to plan, pack up my apartment, resign from my job… Yeah, we're going to be a bit busy. When do you see the doctor?"

"I haven't even made an appointment yet. I guess I should do that too."

He smiled. "Yeah, probably. Do you have a doctor in Seattle?"

I bit my bottom lip. "I haven't really gotten around to that either. Maybe since we're in Forks I'll see if my doctor here can squeeze me in, and that way I can get a recommendation for a good doctor in Seattle as well."

"I thought obstetricians took a while to get appointments for. The ones Carlisle works with are always overbooked."

"They are, but Dr. Kebi is a close friend of my mom's, so maybe she'll do me a favor."

"So…let's go to my apartment, and we can both start making some phone calls."

"Let's do it," I said with a smile.

By the end of the day we had a funeral arranged, transcripts for Bree to change schools, and an OB appointment scheduled for the next morning; it was actually going pretty smoothly. But after we put Bree to bed, there was a knock on the door and Edward and I both knew it was just going to be more drama.

"Whatever it is, we don't want to hear about it," Edward said as he opened the door to Alice.

"Yeah, I heard about your little confrontation with your dad today…Sorry about that, I didn't even know it was happening, but I promise I wouldn't have gone if I did. I can't believe he had the balls to put something like that together without you."

"Hi Alice, how's Jasper?" I asked her as soon as she stopped talking. I swear that woman could give a speech without taking a single breath.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Your _aura_ is very vibrant this evening."

"Edward knows about the baby," I told her so she wouldn't have to try to be discreet.

"Oh, good. Did you tell him it's a boy yet?"

"And how would you know that?" Edward asked with a mix of curious excitement and annoyance.

"It's all in the aura. And this little baby's aura is particularly strong; I don't usually see fetuses until their further along."

"Whatever," Edward mumbled under his breath, but the slightest hint of a smile played on the corner of his lips.

Alice ignored him. "Personally I would have preferred a girl first, you know, so you could name her after our moms in some cool combo like thing…Like, I don't know…Esnee, or Renesmee…."

"Why would we name our kid after _your_ mom?" Edward asked irritated.

"Oh…I guess you wouldn't, huh? Sometimes I forget you're not actually my brother. Any-who, I just wanted to stop by here tonight and make sure you're not going to do anything rash like running off to city hall first thing in the morning to get married."

Edward shot me a _– why'd you tell her_ – glance, so I quickly raised my shoulder to convey my innocence.

"How'd you know we were going to do that?" he asked her. "Did Carlisle tell you I picked up my birth certificate?"

"Nope, my spirit sources cued me in, and let me tell you, I was really upset when I found out. You two better not get married without me there."

"Your spirit sources?" Edward asked with a disbelieving chuckle. "Sure they did. No really, how'd you find out?"

Alice paused as if she was listening to something no one else could hear, and then she smirked. "Well, how'd you hear about Bella's pregnancy?"

He looked at her confused. "Bella told me, why?"

"You sure that's the way it happened?"

"Alice, we weren't going to tell anyone about us getting married," I interrupted them, trying to keep the peace. "It was just going to be a simple thing." Edward just wasn't in a place to accept otherworldly things, and that was okay; continuing to try to convince him was a waste of time.

"You're still going to need a legal witness, and that's going to be me…_and Jasper_," she said, refusing to take no for an answer.

Edward huffed. "Jasper knows? He's probably going to flip and try to talk us out of it."

"He does know, and he's not flipping. He's not your therapist anymore so he's decided to just not worry about your potential spazzes. He's going to support you as a friend in whatever you do, and that's it."

"Well…good. But we…"

"Would love to have you as our witness," I cut him off. I could tell Alice was going to be heartbroken if we didn't let her go, and in truth, she helped us so much more than Edward would ever know, and if anyone deserved to be there with us it was her."

"Really?" Alice squealed. "Oh, just tell me when and where, and we'll be there."

Edward didn't look too happy about it, but as long as we actually got married I was sure nothing else really mattered to him.

"Well, my OB could only fit me in at nine tomorrow morning, so it'll have to be after that."

"Fine, ten am at the city hall, it is," she said excitedly. "Actually, how about I be here at eight thirty tomorrow and pick up Bree so you both can go to the doctor?"

"Thanks Alice," Edward replied sincerely. He refused to admit it, but I knew deep down they were close and he loved her like a sister…like an _appropriate_ sister.

The idea of having Alice and Jasper at our little wedding actually gave me butterflies. It almost made it more real in a way, and I was surprisingly grateful Alice's spirit friends decided to give her a head's up.

It was a bittersweet time for us; the loss of Bree's mom was awful, and Carlisle's reaction to our relationship was a little disheartening, but we also had so many great things happening so it was hard to know exactly how to feel. I suppose all we could do was find a balance by taking it one day at a time, and try to give each event their proper emotional reaction. The doctor visit to check out our baby for the first time and then getting married afterwards were going to be happy events, and I didn't believe it was a lack of respect to Bree's mom for us to be excited about them. At the end of the week we'd be officially laying Kate to rest, and it was going to be hard, but I was sure we'd get Bree through it, and we'd get her through it as an official united family, which I honestly believed was the best thing we could give her.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

After a perfect night of making love, the morning started out just as perfect. Bree was up before us and immediately started in on packing all her toys in her room, so Edward and I giggled and joined her. The three of us sat on the floor in her little room and did more playing then actual packing.

"So…when did this room get painted pink, wasn't it a dark gray or something?" I asked, just curious as to what he'd say.

"How'd you know that?" he asked surprised.

"Most of these bachelor pads in this complex are all grays and beiges," I played it off.

"Oh, yeah…well, it was gray, but someone came in and painted it when I was in the hospital. No one will own up to it, but I'm fairly certain it was the same person who took my cat."

"Aww, where is Fluffy anyway? We should take him to Seattle with us."

"Alice has him. I was supposed to get him back but I think she's grown a little attached; she keeps giving me excuses as to why she can't bring him."

"I think Fluffy should stay with Alice," Bree declared. "I want a puppy, and everyone knows dogs eat cats."

Edward glanced at me horrified. "Uh…apartments aren't great for dogs," he said in a panic. "How about a fish?"

Bree giggled. "Fish aren't cuddly. How about a snake?"

"How is a snake cuddly?" I asked her, a little disturbed.

"They give the best hugs," Bree said casually.

Edward and I just stared at her for a moment, and then he grabbed her and squeezed her tightly. "Who gives the best hugs?" he asked as he tickled her.

She laughed so hard I worried she'd throw up. "You do!"

"That's right, and don't you forget it."

A little while later, Alice arrived to take Bree to breakfast…

"Don't get her all sugared up," Edward warned as Alice was walking out of the door holding Bree's hand.

"Don't worry, I'll only let her have a little whip cream on her chocolate chip pancakes," Alice said with an innocent smile. "But there's no controlling that girl when it comes to syrup."

"I love syrup!" Bree said excitedly.

"Come on Alice, don't let her have too much, she'll never make it to City Hall later," Edward pleaded her.

"Okay, okay," Alice said while waving goodbye.

When Edward and I were alone, he looked at me and took a deep breath. "Well, you ready for this?"

"Of course," I said confidently.

He smiled at me and then wrapped his arms around my stomach from behind. "Wow, already got a little pooch there, huh?" he said teasingly.

"I do not!" I cried while rubbing my flat stomach - _or at least I thought it was flat_. "I'm just…bloated," I said defensively.

Edward smiled. "Aww baby, it's only a matter of time."

"When I am fat, you're not going to be so excited about it," I pouted.

"I'm beyond excited to see you fat," he said playfully while rubbing circles on my abdomen. "You have no idea how amazing it is for me to know you have my baby growing inside of you right now…It's surreal. I can't even believe it's really happening. Bree is the only person I've ever seen who has a genetic connection to me, and now this little guy…" he let his sentence trail off as he got choked up.

"Little _guy_? I thought you didn't believe Alice?" I said with a smile while trying to fight off my sudden bout of tears.

"I don't believe her, but it still has a fifty percent chance of being a boy…Besides, _'guy' _works for both sexes."

"Oh it does?" I said playfully sarcastic.

"Yeah, lots of people call groups of girls 'guys'."

"True," I said with a giggle. "Now let's go to the doctor to see how this little guy is doing."

It was strange how nervous I was for the appointment, but I suppose most people felt a little apprehensive about their first prenatal visit. Edward sensed my anxiety, and he reached out and grabbed my hand as he drove. "It's all going to be perfect, you'll see," he murmured supportively.

"Wow, now who's the optimistic one?" I said with a big smile.

"That's what we need to do, right?…When one is scared or worried about something, the other needs to step up."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Exactly. And we'll always do that for each other."

"For sure," he assured me. It was an amazing change to see Edward so confident, it was almost like seeing his ethereal self again, and I was grateful. I could be strong for the both of us as long as needed, but it felt really good to know that I could lean on him at times as well.

"Doctor Kebi, thank you so much for squeezing me in," I said to the obstetrician once she entered the examination room. I was already in one of those horrible paper robes with my feet in stirrups, _which was a position that no one wanted to be in,_ and having Edward standing next to me strangely just made me that much more uneasy.

"I'm glad we could find the space for you," Dr. Kebi replied. "You've been my patient since you were sixteen, I was sad to have you move away to Phoenix."

"Yeah, well I was hoping you could give me a recommendation for a doctor in Seattle now."

"Of course, but let's check you out first…So, when was your last period?"

"Uh…" _Shoot, when was my last period?_ "I've been pretty distracted lately…I'd say, five weeks ago."

"Well, we'll do a vaginal ultrasound to figure out exactly how far you are."

"Okay, great."

The ultrasound wand going into my body was more than a little uncomfortable, but having Edward snickering like a twelve year old in Sex Ed class only made it that much worse; he even mentioned the word "dildo" under his breath, and I seriously hoped the doctor didn't hear it.

"And there it is," Dr. Kebi announced, drawing Edward's and my complete attention to the little computer screen. I couldn't believe we were actually looking at our baby; it was incredible, and amazing, and every other word that described something magical. "There's the head, and the arm-buds…so far it appears to be a healthy fetus."

The doctor continued to talk and point out different things in the little blob on the monitor, but I immediately found myself lost in the tiny flickering spot in the middle of the screen. Our baby's heartbeat. It was truly an astonishing thing. It was surreal, and yet it was the most real thing that ever happened. We were having a baby. _We were actually having a baby_.

It was something so common and natural, but for us, it truly was a miracle. Everything we had gone through, all of life's trials and tribulations, Edward's horrible accident, even our spiritual connection was something that would have made the moment impossible, and yet, there we were, on our way to becoming parents.

"How far along is she?" I vaguely heard Edward ask as I continued to bask in the glow of watching our baby.

"She's measuring at seven weeks," the doctor replied.

_Seven weeks?_ Had I really been that distracted for that long? I must have gotten pregnant that first night we spent together after his coma…the night I felt compelled to go back to his apartment after the beach. It was like fate really was working in overdrive to bring us together; the thought made me a little dizzy.

But perhaps the baby was always the force behind our reconciliation. Perhaps it had guided us through the rough times and made sure to bring us together just in time for it to have a chance. I never really knew what made Ethereal Edward return to his body when he did, but maybe he knew this was our future.

I glanced at Edward and wished more than anything he remembered, or at the very least believed, but the look on his face told me more than any words ever could - He didn't need otherworldly memories, he was just as astonished with the baby as I was. For the first time, I saw complete confidence in his eyes, and more importantly, he was at peace; I was positive his paranoid obsessive tendencies were a thing of the past.

It was a life for a life - together we had created life, and in return we were going to get a life we could have only dreamed about before.

When the appointment was over, we left with a bottle of prenatal vitamins, a recommendation for a doctor in Seattle, and the renewed spark of hope. Our little wedding would be next, and after that was a whole new world of possibilities…


	42. Chapter 42

***A/N: Most already know, but there is an alternate version of this story which starts on chapter 41 and will continue until its own HEA. **'Always and Beyond'** dives even deeper into fantasy, so if you're really loving the more extraordinary aspects of this story, please check it out.

* * *

Chapter 42

Seeing our baby made our desire to get married even greater, so the moment we were out of the doctor's office Edward was already texting Alice to meet us at City Hall.

"Damn it, where is she?" Edward asked when Alice didn't immediately get back to him.

"Maybe she's in the bathroom or something. Let's just go down and get our license, and I'm sure Alice will get there with Bree before we're even done filling out the paperwork."

He nodded. "Sorry, I'm just…really excited about this, and it seems any time things go right something always comes in to mess it up."

"Optimism, remember?"

He chuckled. "Hey, I was optimistic when you needed me to be; now it's your turn to repay the favor."

We got in the car and I immediately leaned over and hugged his arm tightly. "Everything is going to be fine. Just think, in a couple hours we'll be married."

A wide smile spread across his face. "What the hell did I do without you all that time?"

"I think we both just absently existed until we were able to come back together."

"Well, it's time to start living."

"Yes, it is."

We held hands as he drove us across town, and when we arrived at City Hall we giddily hurried inside. There was a short line to get our license, but that was okay, Alice hadn't arrived yet anyway. However, when it was our turn we were met by an unexpected roadblock.

"Well, I'll be, if it isn't Edward and Isabella Cullen. How are you, sweeties? How's your parents?" the teller asked us.

"Uh…great, thanks," I said while shooting Edward a questioning look. I had no idea who the old lady was, but apparently he did.

"Hello Mrs. El, how are you today," Edward said politely, but was obviously unhappy to see her. "Bella, you remember Mrs. Eleazar? She was our head housekeeper…_and one of the biggest loudmouth busy bodies in town_," he added under his breath.

"Oh…yeah, of course," I lied. She didn't look familiar to me at all, but apparently she knew me more than I would have liked.

"So, little Bella, it's been a long time since you've been home. Your daddy must be happy to have you back?"

"My daddy?" I asked disturbed as realization hit me.

"Mrs. El obviously shares some similar beliefs as Carlisle," Edward explained irritated.

"I see," I said with a sigh.

"And what belief is that, honey?" she asked him clueless.

"Mrs. El, Bella and I are here to get a marriage license," Edward told her assuredly.

"Aww, how sweet. Who are you marrying?"

Edward huffed. "Each other."

She looked baffled for a moment, and then she started screaming a bunch of garbage about morals and incest; it was all very annoying and embarrassing. I just didn't understand it; Edward and I weren't connected by blood, and our parents weren't even married very long. It was actually fairly ridiculous.

In a bigger city we probably could have asked to see a manager and insisted on getting the license, but in Forks it seemed getting one just wasn't going to happen, so once again it looked as though our wedding would be pushed off.

"I can't believe this!" Edward shouted when we left the building. "I mean, really. What the hell is going on? Karma really is a bitch, isn't it?"

"Karma?"

"Yeah, I was a fucking idiot for so long; I suppose shit like this is what I deserve."

"Okay, calm down," I hushed him. "I don't think karma even works that way. Maybe…maybe getting married in Forks is what's wrong here. This place is our past….I think the best way to move on with our lives is to get married where we're planning to start our future."

"Seattle?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, let's find Bree and go," he said impatiently.

"Edward…nothing is going to separate us, so stop rushing it. I already have someone covering for me at the bookstore, and you don't start your new job until next week, so let's just…wait."

"Wait?" he whined.

"Yes, wait. Kate's funeral is this weekend, so we should stay and handle that first. We need finish tying up all the loose ends here, and then we'll go back to Seattle and get married."

"But…"

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach. "Nothing is going to tear us apart, remember?"

He nodded. "You're right. We probably should wait." He sighed and then started looking around before pulling out his cell phone. "Where the hell is Alice with Bree anyway?"

And just to prove fate was still very much in control, right then Alice's car came screeching into the parking lot. Not only did she have Jasper and Bree with her, but I was shocked and horrified to see my mother jumping out of the car as well.

"Don't do it!" Renee screamed dramatically like some bad cheesy movie.

"Like we really need anyone else telling us not to get married," Edward grumbled as we watched my mom running towards us.

"Mom, there's nothing you can say," I told her when she reached us. I wasn't sure how she found out about it, but obviously it had something to do with Alice.

"There is a ton I can say," Renee said as she gasped for air. She held up her finger to tell us she would finish her comment once she caught her breath, so Alice took that time to explain.

"Sorry…We ran into Renee at the diner and Bree announced that we were going to your wedding."

_Well, we sure couldn't be mad at Bree for it._

"It's okay," I told them. "She'd find out eventually anyway."

Renee took a deep breath, and then she laid into us…but to all of our surprise, her complaints weren't anything we were expecting. "Why would you get married in City Hall? Of all the beautiful places around here." And then her face fell into an ugly cry. "And why would you get married without inviting me?"

"Uh…So you're not upset about us being together, you're just upset we didn't tell you?" I asked, just trying to clarify.

She stopped crying. "Why would I be upset about you two being together? You're going to make the most beautiful babies. And just think, it all started because Edward liked to peek in on you while you were in the shower."

"What?" I asked baffled, but then looked at Edward who was more than a little embarrassed.

"I...I don't know what she's talking about," he lied obviously.

"Oh honey, it's nothing to be ashamed of," Renee told him casually before turning back to me. "I caught him sneaking into the bathroom and watching you shower. It was so funny. _I think he was going to whack off._"

"Oh, fuck," Edward said horrified.

"Don't be embarrassed, that's what adolescence is for," Renee said with a laugh. "Anyway, I think this is wonderful; at least something good came out of our shame of a marriage. I just don't understand why you wouldn't invite me."

"Mom...have you been drinking?" I asked her concerned. My mother often acted crazy, but this was a new level.

"I may have had a few mimosas with breakfast," she admitted with a giggle.

"How many is a few?" I asked.

"I don't know, five or six…give or take a few."

My mouth fell slack.

"I think she's going through a rough time at home," Alice whispered.

I sighed. "Oh mom, you and Phil?"

"Oh, it's okay. You'll see after your third or fourth that a divorce isn't a big deal anymore."

"Bella's not going to have three or four marriages," Edward told her confidently.

My mother turned to him surprised, and then smiled and grabbed his face in her hand. "Oh, you are so cute. I just love how optimistic you young naive people can be. Bella, do yourself a favor and have a couple kids with this one, I doubt your next husband will be so pretty…and you _want _pretty kids."

"Okay, mom, I think it's time to get you home," I told her while taking her arm and leading her back to the car.

"No, I want to watch your first wedding!" she protested.

"Well, it's already over," I lied. "But when we get married again you'll be invited."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

"Did we really miss the wedding?" Bree asked upset.

Edward pulled her and Alice aside to explain, while I got my mother into the car and made sure she was wearing her seatbelt.

"I'll take her home," Alice offered.

"I should probably go with you to make sure she's okay," I told her before turning to Edward. "I'll meet you back at your apartment in a bit."

Edward clinched his jaw and I could tell he was unhappy about us separating, but short bouts of time apart were good, and I was sure once he got through a few he'd be much more calm about it.

I hung around my mother's house for a couple hours, just waiting for her to sober up a bit so we could have a real conversation. It was actually pretty sad how Phil had already moved all his stuff out of the house leaving a mess in his wake, so I helped Renee clean up as well. She pretended to not care, but each of her divorces was rough on her, and I was beginning to wonder if she'd ever find someone to grow old with.

"So…You really love him, huh?" Renee asked after I tentatively explained my relationship with Edward to her.

"Yes…and I know it's going to last."

She nodded. "You know, I never felt that way about any of my husbands," she said somberly.

"Well, maybe that's your problem. Don't get married again until you do."

"What if I never find it?" she asked teary eyed.

"What if you do but you're too distracted with your latest disaster to recognize it?" I rebutted.

She smiled. "When did you get so wise?"

I shrugged. "One of us had to be."

"True," she said with a giggle. "Bella, if you really think you'll never get married again, then don't do it at City Hall. It doesn't have to be some huge wedding, but it should be special…like your love."

"We just want to be married," I told her.

"You'll have the rest of your life to just be married. Celebrate your union and make a memory that will last forever."

I had to admit, the idea of a little ceremony was growing on me; nothing expensive or showy…just us and the people who loved and supported us. If Edward was against it then I'd never feel like we missed out, but it was definitely something to discuss.

Other than her intoxication level, hanging with my mom was actually nice, but I was anxious to get back to Edward so a little while later I borrowed Renee's car and went back to his apartment. When I got there Bree was napping in her room, so Edward and I had a few minutes to just reflect on the crazy morning we had. Mostly we talked about our baby, but then we got a little silly…

"So Peeping Tom, you used to watch me shower, huh?" I asked playfully.

Edward smirked at the memory. "I told you, I had issues, and being a perve was just one of them."

I giggled. "You saw me naked _every_ night…and I let you touch me wherever you wanted. There was no need to sneak a peek."

"Yeah, but when you were in the shower you were _all wet_," he said lustfully.

"You could have come in with me. I wouldn't have turned you away."

"Eh…I think sneaking around was half the fun. I spied on you in the shower this morning too."

"You're sick," I said playfully.

"Yeah, but there are some illnesses that can't be cured."

"So being crushed by a car and stuck in a coma for weeks was nothing, but perverseness is beyond help," I joked.

"Exactly. But don't worry, I'm only a perve for you."

"Lucky me."

We both giggled, but then we heard Bree talking to herself in her room again, and Edward immediately tensed. "That really freaks me out," he said to me. "I'm telling you, she could be schizophrenic."

"She's fine," I told him. "Alice talks to people who aren't there too, and she's fine."

"That's debatable," Edward said with a laugh.

"Edward…I know you seem to have forgotten, but it was actually Bree who told you I was pregnant…And I certainly didn't tell her."

Edward thought about it for a moment. "You actually believe she talks to ghosts?"

"I know she does."

He shook his head. "Sorry, I just don't buy it."

"How did she know about my pregnancy then?"

"I don't know, maybe Alice told her."

"And how did Alice know? I swear, I didn't tell her either."

"Alice is a freak when it comes to people being pregnant. She thinks everyone is pregnant, and guess what, ninety percent of the time she's wrong."

I rolled my eyes. "I doubt she's ever wrong."

Edward shook his head and refused to budge on the matter, but when Bree ran out of her room with a certain something hanging around her neck, he was forced to question everything….


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"What the hell is that?" Edward asked completely stunned as Bree skipped around the living room.

"What's what?" I asked, unsure what he was even looking at.

"That…around her neck. Bree, come over here."

"But I'm hungry. Can I have a snack now?" Bree asked eagerly while continuing to bounce around. I was beginning to understand just how overly-hyped she got after naps, so perhaps we needed to discuss her not taking them anymore; six was plenty old enough to make it through the day without one.

"You can have a snack after I see what you have," Edward told her.

Bree abruptly froze in place and then suddenly looked nervous. "I'm sorry took it without asking," she said quickly. "My daddy said it was for me…But I guess I still should have asked first, huh?"

"Bree, let me see it," Edward said sternly.

She sighed and then reluctantly removed the silver chain from around her neck, and handed it to him.

"Holy shit," Edward whispered to himself.

"What is it?" I asked, still clueless.

He ignored me. "Bree, where did you get this?"

"I found it," she said sheepishly.

"Found it _where_?" Edward asked her intensely. The tone to his voice made Bree nervous, so she began clamming up. "Bree, this is very serious. Where did you get this?"

She didn't answer him; she just looked at the ground and began rolling her foot onto her heel.

"Bree," Edward pressed, but she wasn't going to respond so I cut in…

"Edward, what is it?" I asked a little more strongly, demanding his attention.

He looked up at me, and then back down at the chain in his hand. "I just can't believe it…these were lost in Iraq…or at least that's what I was told."

And then it hit me like an explosion - It was Garrett's dog tags, and I was left completely flabbergasted.

Now, I was a true believer, but this went even beyond my realm of understanding. I dreamed of those tags, I was given them in the dream, but how could that crossover into tangible reality? Not even Ethereal Edward seemed to be able to make things appear out of nowhere, so how was it possible?

"They're actually a big deal for the families of fallen soldiers," Edward explained slowly, still in shock. "Kate told me how upset she was when they weren't returned with Garrett's remains. I just don't understand how I'm holding them right now. She specifically said they were lost in the explosion that killed him."

My mind automatically drifted back to my dream. What had been a hazy memory like most dreams tended to be, now I was able to picture again like I was actually there. The explosions all around me, the broken war torn streets, Garrett laying helplessly under the rubble…it was terrifying, and yet, the peace in Garrett's eyes made it all okay somehow.

"Maybe…maybe they're just a knockoff," Edward mused. "Kate could have had them made for Bree." He took a deep breath, and then laughed awkwardly. "Of course that's what these are. I mean, you can have dog tags made at any Walmart."

"They weren't made at Walmart," Bree suddenly argued. "My daddy gave them to Bella."

Edward didn't even bother looking at me for conformation. "Bree, Bella never met your dad. I never even met your dad before, and his tags were lost in Iraq anyway. There's no way he could have given them to her."

"But he told me he gave them to her and I found them in her bag," Bree said in a rush, and then she got sheepish again. "Sorry Bella. I shouldn't have gone through your things like that without asking."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose for a long moment, and then huffed. "Okay Bree, that's enough. I can look the other way when you're talking to yourself, but the lies have to stop."

"She's not lying," I cut him off. "Garrett did give them to me. I didn't realize they were in my bag, but I did mean to give them to her."

Edward stared at me, but his face gave nothing away and his lack of expression actually gave me the chills.

"Edward…say something," I said uncomfortably. When he still didn't respond, I tentatively went on to describe my dream. "Look, I know you don't believe, and I understand that because I didn't either, but…ever since I came back to Forks, this kind of thing keeps happening to me. I mean, look at those tags, they're not from Walmart, and you know it. They're beat up...like they really were in an explosion."

"What else happened?" he asked evenly. "You said this kind of thing keeps happening…what else happened?"

I always meant to tell him the truth, but I just never found the right way or time. I knew he'd never believe, but I realized in that moment that he didn't really have to. I needed to tell him the whole truth just for my own peace of mind; I need to come clean as a way to support Bree and even Alice. If Edward still chose not to believe, then at the very least perhaps it would get him to stop telling me how crazy Alice and Bree were.

So I told him everything…from the beginning, right to the point when he went back into his body and woke up remembering nothing. I cried as I explained how hard that was, and how grateful I felt when he confessed he had always loved me. It was an emotional several minutes as I completely poured my heart out to him, and when I was finally done talking I noticed a change in his face. However, despite the smallest spark of belief dancing there in his eyes, not in a million years did I ever expect to hear what did come out of his mouth…

"I remember," he said so quietly that for a brief second I thought I heard him wrong.

"Y-You remember?"

He nodded. "The park…the ice cream…introducing you to Bree through the fence…I remember it all."

I gasped. "You actually remember? Like it just came back to you?" I asked so excitedly that I felt like I was going to burst through my skin.

He shook his head slowly. "No…I don't remember it like it actually happened, but…I thought I dreamed that stuff. It's still confusing to think about and everything is hazy, and if you never said anything about any of it, I would have always thought it was just something I dreamed. But…" he let his sentence trail off.

"I knew you remembered being a ghost!" Bree shouted happily. "But why didn't you believe me when I told you my mommy and daddy were too?" she asked him.

"I…I…didn't know my dreams were actually memories. I still don't understand how any of it is possible, but…there is no way either of you would have known my dreams, so… Gah, this is crazy!" he huffed while rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

"It's okay to be crazy, Uncle Edward," Bree said innocently. "Because if everyone around you is crazy as well, then no one is."

We both looked at her surprised. "Where did you come up with something like that?" Edward asked her.

"Alice," she said with a big cheesy grin.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course."

He was still in shock, and that was understandable, sometimes beliefs take time, but he did sit there while Bree told him all about her visits from her parents, and he actually really listened. He was obviously still uncomfortable with it all, but the veil had been lifted and he was finally starting to be receptive.

I felt horrible that I didn't tell him sooner, we could have saved ourselves a lot of grief, but wasting time with regret was pointless, and it was impossible to really be upset because that definitely was one of the greatest moments of my life. Edward remembered…_well, sort of_, and that was more than I could have ever hoped for. It was something that would bond us together forever, and I found myself impossibly falling in love with him even more than I already was.


	44. Chapter 44

*****A/N:** So so sorry for the delay in this post. Sometimes I have a hard time writing the endings for my stories, especially ones that deal with unrealistic things such as vampires and ghosts. It's not so much a writer's block, but with these types of stories I often wonder if I've gone too far and stretched it even beyond believable fantasy (I may have still done that with this one). I tried writing it and rewriting it, but the extra fantastic elements seemed necessary for completing this particular story. Anyway, here is another super cheesy ending. I hope you can suspend reality just a bit to enjoy it :)

* * *

Chapter 44

Getting settled into our new life in Seattle was surprisingly simple. There was no awkward transitional period, and both Edward and Bree fit so well in my apartment that I almost forgot what it was like not to have them there. We were a family, there was no question about it; all that was left was to make it legal.

At first, Edward wasn't too keen on the idea of a wedding, but it only took a moment to convince him.

"You're right," he told me. "We should have a ceremony to celebrate."

I had a feeling he was just agreeing to please me, but I was still glad. I was sure that once everything was said and done, we'd both be happy we did it.

Alice jumped right in and went into full planning mode. I had to rein her in several times, _there was no way I would agree to live swans waddling around_, but for the most part she honored our wish to keep it simple.

"So you have your flower girl, your maid of honor is yours truly, and the chicks at your store will be your bridesmaids. Edward has Jasper and three of his buddies from work standing up for him, all we have left is to pick someone to walk you down the aisle," Alice said as we were going over all the wedding details.

"Actually, I'd kind of rather not have all those bridesmaids," I admitted. "The girls that work for me aren't really my friends; besides, I want the wedding to just be about me and Edward. We're not doing it to put on a show."

She sighed. "Okay, I guess I can understand that. No bridesmaids and groomsmen; so what's left? We have Bree as the flower girl, no ring bearer, Jasper will be Edward's best man and I'm your maid of honor…wait, when you said no bridesmaids…"

"I would love for you to still be my maid of honor," I assured her.

She squealed excitedly, and then she tried to focus back on the task at hand. "We still need someone to walk you down the aisle. Too bad Renee's marriage ended so abruptly. Phil could have done it."

"I wouldn't want Phil…To be honest, I don't want anyone walking me. That's my dad's place, and since he can't be there, I'd prefer to just walk alone."

She nodded in understanding. "Well, good. It sounds like we have everything planned out then. Three more weeks, and you'll be an official Cullen!" she said excitedly.

"Can't wait," I said sincerely.

The next two weeks quickly passed, and everything was being finalized for the wedding but I realized something very important was missing; well, I suppose it was more like _someone _was missing…a few someone's to be exact. Reluctantly, I picked up the phone and called the one person who could fix the situation.

Carlisle.

At first he had his walls up so high that getting through to him seemed impossible, but as I continued to explain everything, and by everything I meant _everything_, Carlisle began to soften. When he finally really understood that we never had a sibling relationship, he was able to let that idea go. There was absolutely nothing wrong about our love, and I was grateful Edward's family would have a chance to see it.

And just like his father, Edward was stubborn and it took a little convincing to get him to forgive and forget, but at the end of the day, I honestly believed he was thankful to have his family back in his life.

The day of the wedding arrived, and I think Bree and Alice were more excited than I was. As much as I had dreamed about that day for as long as I could remember, I was suddenly getting cold feet; not about getting married, it was simply doubts about the wedding itself. I loved my dress, but the idea of walking down an aisle in high heel shoes with no one there to keep me from falling was more than a little nerve-racking.

"Just breathe Bella, I'm sure you'll do great," Alice tried assuring me.

"I just have this horrific picture in my head of me tripping over my dress and falling flat on my face in front of everyone," I told her. "With my luck I'll end up breaking my arm and I'll be spending my wedding day in the ER."

"I think you are very graceful Bella," Bree said adorably. "Remember when we were playing in the park? You didn't stumble once."

I smiled at her. "Thanks sweetie. I only wish I was as confident as you are."

The music started and Bree took off throwing rose petals down the aisle of the ocean front venue, and then Alice gave me one more quick pep talk before she disappeared out of the tent we were waiting in, leaving me there alone to squirm in my anxieties.

"Just breathe," I told myself, but my legs were shaking so much that I figured falling down was inevitable.

But then suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore…

"You got this, Bells," my dad's warm voice said from behind me.

I turned slowly and immediately broke down in tears.

"Oh now, don't start that. You'll mess up your makeup," he chided me lovingly.

"You came. You're here," I cried.

"Of course I'm here. I wouldn't miss it for all of heaven," he said with a grin.

He wrapped his arms around me, and I was shocked by how real it felt.

"How can I feel you?" I asked while trying to get a hold of myself.

He smiled again, and then shrugged. "You're future husband out there may have given me some pointers."

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"I don't know how he did it, but somehow he got to me and here we are. You know, there are quite a few spirits hanging around you."

I giggled. "Yeah, I seemed to have picked up a few along the way."

"I'm so proud of you, baby; you've grown into an amazing woman."

"Thanks dad."

"Hey, no more tears. Let's get this show on the road."

He placed his hand under my arm, and magically I felt sturdy. There would be no more wobbly legs and no more fears or anxiety. I walked out of that tent with confidence, and didn't worry about stumbling again even once. My dad was there with me, and even though I was the only one who saw him, his presence was definitely very real.

Having my father walking me down the aisle was something I never even dreamed of hoping for, but when I locked eyes with Edward standing there waiting for me, all I could think about was him. He was beautiful, it was simply a fact, and I couldn't believe I was the lucky girl who got to actually be with him forever.

When I finally made it down that horrendously long aisle, Edward shot off a smile that could light up the entire universe, but then he said something that shocked the hell out of me.

"Thanks for being here Mr. Swan."

_I think my mouth actually hung open._

"I don't have to tell you to take care of my little girl, because I already know you will," my dad replied.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for her," Edward assured him.

Charlie chuckled. "I guess you've proven that by giving heaven a rain check."

Edward subtly shook his head. "Heaven isn't heaven without her."

And of course that statement brought me back to tears. _How could anyone hear something like that and not cry?_

My dad kissed me on the cheek, told me he loved me, and then he disappeared; though, I knew he was still there; he was there all along.

Edward and I exchanged vows, but instead of saying _'Till death do us part'_ or _'As long as we both shall live'_, we simply chose to promise to be true to each other for _'Always'_.

Life wasn't perfect, and like everyone else we had our ups and downs, but the strength of our love always persevered, just like we vowed it would.

We spent the next sixty years watching our family grow and thrive, and when our time on the world ended, we went together. I think we earned that right.

We had lived an amazing life, and we both knew, the end was only the beginning…

* * *

…

*****A/N:** Yep, super cheesy ending, just like I promised. LOL. Actually, I have to give some credit to "The Notebook" for inspiring the whole 'dying together' thing. I always wanted to write that into one of my stories ;)

"Always and Beyond" is still going, but I hope to complete that version soon as well. Thanks so much for sticking with my crazy brain, I really appreciate the support.


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